Barney's Version Page #17

GOLDIE:

Barney...?

Barney nods. She takes his hand. Barney's eyes searching.

He's at a loss. She takes him by the arm and leads him downthe hall.

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GOLDIE (CONT'D)

After they finished, the girl leftthe room to get a hot towel. When

she went back in... At least he went

happy.

She stops in front of room #4.

GOLDIE (CONT'D)

He talked about you all the time.

You made him so proud.

She opens a door and lets Barney go in -

INT. MASSAGE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Barney enters, takes in the room. Goldie shuts the door,

leaving him alone. The lighting dim. The walls bare. A shelf

with a bottle of baby oil, a box of kleenex.

Izzy's body lays on the table, covered in a white sheet. A

peaceful, half-grin on his face.

Barney sits on a small chair beside the body. He lifts the

edge of the sheet and takes his father's hand in his. He

starts to laugh at the situation, patting his father's hand.

Then he squeezes it tighter, holding it with both his hands,

pressing it to his forehead, and starts to cry.

INT. MASSAGE PARLOR - RECEPTION - LATER

Barney exits the room. He sits beside Goldie in the

reception. They share a quiet moment.

GOLDIE:

He didn't get a chance to settle up.

Beat. Barney reaches into his pocket, hands her a couplehundred from his wallet.

CUT TO:

INT. BARNEY AND MIRIAM'S APARTMENT - DEN - NIGHT -PRESENT

Barney grabs an ice cube from the freezer for his Scotch.

Before shutting the door he pulls out an ONION - stares atit quizzically - then puts it back.

BARNEY:

You sure you don't want anything?

KATE (O.S.)

No, thanks.

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Barney goes into the DEN and refills his Scotch before sittingdown to continue his Scrabble game with Kate.

KATE (CONT'D)

It's your turn.

BARNEY:

What did you do?

KATE:

Right there.

Barney stares at the board. Confused.

KATE (CONT'D)

Dad....?

BARNEY:

Sorry.

He sets down his pieces.

KATE:

What word is that?

INSERT - SCRABBLE BOARD. His pieces spell: "ATTNY"

BARNEY:

Attorney.

KATE:

You're missing half the letters.

BARNEY:

It's the abbreviation.

KATE:

When you get that lazy with cheating,

I know you're tired.

She gets up and starts to clean up.

BARNEY:

Leave that, I'll do it.

KATE:

No, dad. Let me.

Barney can tell that she needs to keep herself busy. He

takes her arm to stop her and pull her down to sit.

BARNEY:

Do you want to talk about it?

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KATE:

I'll be fine. I'm just happy itonly took eight months to realize hewas a jerk.

He pulls her into a comforting embrace. That's all it takes

for her to start crying in his arms.

BARNEY:

It'll be okay. I promise.

She cries as long as she needs to.

They break apart, she wipes her eyes on her sleeve.

BARNEY (CONT'D)

Let me get you a tissue.

KATE:

No, I'll get it.

She gets up to go to the washroom. Barney watches her go.

His eyes drift over and stop on LEO'S PAINTING prominentlydisplayed on the wall. It's an abstract multi-colored

whirlpool that winds down to a black center. Barney's mindfollows it down to the black nothingness...

FLASHBACK TO:

INT. CBC RADIO STATION - BOOTH - DAY -PAST (2003)

Miriam is interviewing Barney's old friend, LEO FASOLI (61).

He's now a famous painter with an air of success and gravitasabout him.

Barney and Blair watch from the booth, along with Leo's flavorof the month, a stunning 28 year old BIMBO.

MIRIAM:

--and we're back talking with renownedpainter and artist, Leo Fasoli.

Leo, you recently signed a sevenfigure deal with Simon and Schusterto publish your autobiography. But

then you returned the money, sayingyou no longer wanted to do it. What

happened?

LEO:

It proved to be more difficult thanI originally thought it would be.

MIRIAM:

In what way?

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Leo pauses.

LEO:

Andre Gide, the French author, oncesaid "nothing is as destructive tohappiness as the remembrance ofhappiness lost".

EXT. CBC RADIO STATION - DAY

Barney escorts Leo and his Bimbo out. A LIMO waits rightoutside the door. Leo lights a cigarette. For all his

success, there's a sense of melancholy to him.

LEO:

(to Bimbo)

A spetta un minuto, cara mia.

BIMBO:

I love it when you speak Italian.

She gives Leo a kiss, then slips into the limo.

BARNEY:

(re:
Bimbo)

You like this one?

Leo just shrugs.

BARNEY (CONT'D)

Thanks again for doing the interview.

It's a real coup for Miriam.

LEO:

It was my pleasure. She's an amazing

woman.

BARNEY:

Are you sure you can't stay the night?

We'd love to have you over.

LEO:

There's nothing I would enjoy morebut I have to get back to New York.

They hug.

LEO (CONT'D)

You've made a wonderful life for

yourself. It makes me happy.

Leo gets in the limo and is driven away.

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INT. BARNEY AND MIRIAM'S APARTMENT - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Blair has joined Barney and Miriam for dinner. Miriam and

Blair enjoy lively conversation, while Barney broods insilence and polishes off another Scotch.

BLAIR:

Allow me a toast to you Barney. You

really came through getting Leo todo the interview.

MIRIAM:

Yes you did. And a toast to Blair

and his new job in New York.

BLAIR:

I don't have it yet.

BARNEY:

Here's hoping.

They drink. Miriam begins to clear the table.

BLAIR:

Let me help you.

MIRIAM:

Guests don't clean.

Miriam heads to the kitchen. Long silence.

BARNEY:

So when are you going to find out?

BLAIR:

Probably not for another month.

BARNEY:

A month? Jeez, don't be so soft.

Push them. Let them know they'lllose you if they sit on their asses.

BLAIR:

I'm not one to be aggressive like that.

BARNEY:

Just because you're gay, doesn'tmean you can't be assertive.

BLAIR:

I'm not gay.

BARNEY:

I didn't think so, but Miriam-

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BLAIR:

Miriam thinks I'm gay?

BARNEY:

I told her you weren't, but-

Miriam enters.

MIRIAM:

So what you are boys talking about?

INT. BARNEY AND MIRIAM'S APARTMENT - DOORWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Miriam kisses Blair good-night.

MIRIAM:

Thank you for coming.

BLAIR:

Thanks for another incredible meal,

and again, congratulations, it was afantastic interview.

MIRIAM:

Thanks.

Blair exits. The moment the door closes she puts on her gameface and marches into the...

INT. DEN - CONTINUOUS

...to confront Barney, who is just lighting up a cigar.

MIRIAM:

What's with you? And don't say"what?". Let's just skip that wholepart, okay?

BARNEY:

I was giving him a few life lessons.

MIRIAM:

By telling him I think he's gay?

And who even jokes about that anymore?

BARNEY:

I don't want to fight about Cher.

MIRIAM:

We're not fighting about Blair.

We're fighting about you.

BARNEY:

Why?

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MIRIAM:

Getting Leo to come in doesn't negateall the other interviews you've missedto get drunk and watch the game, orall the dinners you've ruined becauseyou're incorrigible with my friends.

BARNEY:

It doesn't?

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