Bean Page #22

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL. CORRIDOR - NIGHT

By a drinks machine. ALISON finishes drinking from a plastic cup.

ALISON:

Disgusting.

She looks up at DAVID, who's looking at her. Slowly she gets close and

puts her arms around him. She's a bit tearful.

DAVID:

Everything's gonna be fine.

ALISON:

(pause)

About Charles...

104

DAVID:

shhh...

ALISON:

It was nothing. We're not ... He just makes me laugh. When was the

last time we laughed? Any of us?

DAVID:

I know... I know. I've been an arsehole of spectacular proportions.

Olympic standard.

KEVIN:

Dad...

They look down to see KEVIN has arrived.

KEVIN:

These guys just hijacked the T.V. Me and Bean were trying to ...

A hospital PORTER passes, pushing the T.V. on a trolley.

HOSPITAL PORTER:

Sorry, folks. We're short on these and there's another kid down the

hall that could use ...

DAVID:

Wait a minute .... (about to get tough again)

ALISON:

Please. It's okay. Really. (to David) Wow - who put the fire in you,

my' man?

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL. JENNIFER'S ROOM - NIGHT

JENNIFER is still asleep. BEAN is sitting on the end of her bed. He

looks at the SUPER NINTENDO console thinking, "How can I get this

working again? How can I help?" The only sound in the room is the

beeping from the E.C.G. machine, monitoring Jennifer's heart. BEAN has

an idea.

He yanks off the jack plug at the end of the Super Nintendo lead.

Producing his small screwdriver, he starts to unscrew the console

casing.

CUT TO:

105

INT. HOSPITAL. CORRIDOR - NIGHT

DAVID, ALISON and KEVIN walk back towards the room.

ALISON:

Maybe I ought to think about getting another job.

DAVID:

Good idea - with a boss who's a really ugly son-of-a-b*tch.

She and DAVID manage to share a smile. They're going to get through

this. Suddenly, we hear noise from the vampire game, coming from

JENNIFER's room. KEVIN registers this and is puzzled. Then ALISON and

DAVID notice it.

DAVID:

I thought you said....

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL. JENNIFER'S ROOM - DAY

The LEARYS appear in the open doorway. Their expressions turn from

curiosity to horror.

BEAN has plugged the SUPER NINTENDO games system into the back of

JENNIFER's E.C.G. monitor. A couple of bats are flapping about the

screen but the most worrying thing here (shown in close-up) is the

sight of a he-man type, jumping up and down, lashing out, with his

sword, at the passing pulse light, showing Jennifer's faint vital signs

...

ALISON gasps. DAVID slowly moves into the room.

DAVID:

Now, Bean ... just put down that thing ... nice and slow ... you hear

me? Come on now...

But BEAN is determined to keep going - it's his way of reviving

Jennifer. DAVID approaches the opposite side of the bed and gets ready

to pounce ... CUT TO: a close-up of the monitor. The he-man chases the

pulse light ...

DAVID dives across the bed just as he man swipes the pulse light with

his sword. DAVID has landed on top of JENNIFER. The pulse light

explodes and the monitor screen whites-out. JENNIFER wakes up with a

start.

106

JENNIFER:

Dad! Get off!? What's happening here?! Mom?

ALISON covers her mouth, tearful, but she can't hold it back. She

laughs. DAVID and KEVIN stare at JENNIFER. They can't help but join

in the laughter. JENNIFER has no idea what's going on. BEAN is happy

that everyone is happy.

KEVIN:

I don't care what anyone says. Mr. Bean brought my sister back from

the dead. He did it under laboratory conditions. My eyes do not lie!

ALISON grins at him. Then at BEAN.

MIX THROUGH TO:

INT. LEARY HOUSE. KITCHEN. NIGHT.

ALISON is fixing some coffee. DAVID enters.

DAVID:

Here, let me do that.

ALISON:

No, I'm fine.

He just stands there.

okay - you grind the beans, and

He moves towards her - his arms slip round her waist.

... put them in the .... ( but she can't concentrate I don't believe

this. I'm being seduced by my own husband.

Pause. They are just about to kiss when BEAN enters.

He's a bit impatient.

BEAN:

Ahm - excuse me ... ( POINTING TO HIS WATCH ) You know..

They jump apart. The moment is gone.

ALISON:

Oh yes. Sorry. Though I think these are ready.

107

ALISON takes out two single socks which have been neatly wrapped around

a couple of drinks mats and put in the toaster slots.

ALISON:

There. Is that how you like them?

BEAN beams at her. He's impressed - and feels he's accepted. He

leaves.

ALISON:

He's not too bad. I can live with him.

DAVID:

I'm afraid you don't know the half of it. Sit down. I have a tale to

tell. And not a happy one.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE LEARY'S KITCHEN. NIGHT

Looking in front outside, we see Alison sit down. We see, ,but do not

hear David start to talk. Within seconds her hands go up to her face

in horror.

CUT TO:

INT. GRIERSON'S OFFICE. DAY.

With heavy hearts everyone is gathered to hear their fate. Pan across

the familiar faces. DAVID. BERNIE. ELMER. ANNIE. BEAN, looking

nervous and shifty. Dead silence as GRIERSON stands, very solemnly.

GRIERSON:

Colleagues - what can I say? Incidents such as occurred yesterday

teach a man important lessons. On reflection, I realise it would have

been a sin to sell Whistler's Mother to such an impertinent philistine

as Governor Reynolds. And therefore, I blame myself for having ever

let things get to such a pass that we felt we had realise our the staff

- twelve got today, I've Schimmel as to sell her. I suddenly problem

here hasn't been it's been the leadership flabby, lazy- And so decided

to appoint Bernie my new Vice-President.

CUT TO BERNIE, looking smug next to DAVID, who is pretty shocked by

this.

108

GRIERSON:

He's a man with a plan who will haul us into profitability and the 21st

century.

BERNIE:

Thank you, sir. Although, I'm afraid I don't quite see how we can ...

GRIERSON:

Good point Bernie - precisely the kind of perceptive interjection I'd

expect from my new V.P. How can we, you ask, survive without Whistler's

Mother - our single greatest asset? Well, the truth is - we can't. So

what am I saying? Will we find her again? Never - this robber was

clearly the work of a criminal of great genius.

BEAN looks pleased - but then realises it's not a suitable emotion ~ so

nods sagely.

Insurance? Not a chance. Those bastards never pay. So, surely we're

bankrupt? Surely your jobs are forfeit? Surely you're back on the

unemployment lines, scraping a living as waiters and boys? Yes. Yes

indeed. Except for one little thing. one little thing done by one

little man. Dare I say, one helluva little man. Watch this.

Everyone is totally at a loss. GRIERSON stands and moves to the framed

poster of Whistler's Mother on the wall. He then produces a plastic

key card and inserts it in a slot on the side of the frame. A buzz and

a click! An electric motor starts to whirrrr ...

The glass, along with the title strip at the bottom of the poster,

slides gently down inside the picture frame to reveal that the poster

is in fact the original oil of Whistler's Mother.

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