Beethoven's 3rd

What are you doing? Dad said

I was family videographer.

I'm documenting ourjourney.

We're not going on a journey, Sara.

We're going on a very long drive.

Nuh-uh. Dad said

we're taking a journey.

Does the RV have a power port

for my laptop?

We're on a budget, and the economy

model RV might not even have a toilet,

but I'm sure it has

a cigarette lighter.

Power port, Mom. We don't say

cigarette lighter anymore.

We also don't walk around

with a milk moustache...

no matter how much

it accentuates our booger-nose.

Sorry. I'm too excited

about our trip.

Mom, Dad has been quoted as saying this

is gonna be the funnest vacation ever.

Can we get your reaction?

Driving across country to a

family reunion, cooking, cleaning,

organizing and budgeting

is not fun and not a vacation.

Yet, it's what I do

with my free time.

Oh, no!

Ew!

No, please.

Thank you.

No!

Not my gnomes!

He got the biggest one

they had.

Now, this... is camping!

Dad, it is so cool!

You like it?

Go check it out.

You think that's cool? Wait till your

friends drive by pointing and laughing at you.

Then we'll see how cool

you think it is. Brennan.

Maybe one of them had just told

a joke. Did you consider that?

Yeah. The joke was,

"Look, everybody,

Brennan Newton's going on a

vacation with his family in a bus. "

God, how lame is that?

Even Jessica Donnelly saw me.

Hey, Brenn, your friends are all

probably gonna stay in hotels this summer.

We're gonna sleep beside pristine

lakes in the great outdoors.

And the beauty of it is,

this rig has everything!

So you'll never even know you

left home. That's just it, Dad.

It's home,

but smaller for two weeks.

I don't even wanna go

on this stupid trip anyway.

- I didn't budget for this, Richard.

- I know, I know.

Just look.

Come on. Just look.

I need a new tape.

Okay. Just look.

We can't afford this, Richard.

No way!

Is that a DVD player?

Yep, and a fridge/freezer,

tub/ shower,

blender/food processor,

power ports for Sara's computer,

and check this out.

Instant hydraulic

emergency brake.

You touch that baby, and this coach comes

to a total standstill in half a second.

And what, we go sailing

through the front window?

Spring action shoulder strap

seat belts, honey.

It doesn't get any safer.

Oh.

You don't have to worry about

scrubbing it top to bottom.

It's brand new.

We're the first renters.

Very, very funny.

How much?

Oh, uh, I don't know. I'd have

to look at the rental agreement,

but just think how much

we'll be saving...

in restaurants, hotels,

room service, room service tips.

Exactly how much is this dream

house on wheels costing us?

Oh, Richard, that's twice

what we planned to spend.

A little more, actually,

with insurance.

Oh, right.

Beth, I'm sorry.

I couldn't help myself.

I wanna relive one of the great

experiences of my childhood with my family.

Uh, well, speaking of family, your

brother George called from Europe.

Huh! Let me guess. He said they're

not gonna make it to the reunion.

No, they're gonna make it, but they wanted

us to bring something there for them.

It's gonna be delivered

this morning. What?

I couldn't hear what it was. It was a

cell phone. You know, bad connection.

Huh. Hey, you see there? The extra storage

capacity is already saving us headaches.

You're pushing it, Richard.

Hi. Yeah, uh,

we would like to purchase...

a DVD copy of The Shakiest

Gun in the West, please.

Are you familiar

with that title?

1967, written by James Fritzell

and Everett Greenbaum.

Genre:
comedy/western.

Directed by Alan Rafkin.

Starring Pat Morita as Wong,

Jackie Coogan as Basch, Barbara

Rhodes as Penelope Cushings...

and, of course, Don Knotts

as Jesse W. Heywood.

That

Shakiest Gun in the West?

Yes, that's the one.

One copy, please.

We're sold out.

Excuse me.

That's nasty.

This is way out of control.

It's too complicated.

I said let's steal the operating system

and deliver it in person, but you said no.

Let's put it on a DVD

that nobody ever buys,

stick it in a video store

and deliver it that way.

And?

And...

somebody bought the DVD

that nobody was supposed to buy.

Oh, God,

we're in so much trouble.

Okay. We already spent the money

that we got from Mr. You Know Who.

Oh, my God. Do you know

what Mr. You Know Who...

is going to do to us when he fnds out

that somebody else has the you know what?

No, what?

I'm kidding.

I'm a joker. We are dead if

we don't get that DVD back!

Okay, William,

calm yourself.

Observe the master.

Hello, there, Quentin.

I'm wondering,

how long to order a copy of

The Shakiest Gun in the West?

That would be about

six to eight weeks.

Oh, that's bad.

Maybe we can order a copy from

the guy who ordered it from you.

Yes, may we have his name,

address and telephone number?

Dude, what do I got, like Federal felony

written across my forehead or something?

Could you, perhaps,

see if you have another copy?

We don't.

Could you check, please?

C- C-C...

Okay, man. Whatever.

Just cool your jets.

What? Tommy, what are you doing?

That is completely illegal.

I'm an idiot.

Yes, yes you are, but fortunately

for both of us, I am a genius.

Begin the countdown.

Ten, nine...

Richard Newton, 1715 Hauser

Street. Blast off, baby.

You hacked their system

in two seconds.

That is a new record.

I don't believe it.

That is why you fail.

Stupid you are.

I hope you have a nice summer.

I didn't know Jessica Donnelly

was your girlfriend.

Well, she was gonna be

before this whole stupid trip.

But now she won't ever be.

Hey, are you fIming me?

- Dad said I gotta document everything.

- Give me that!

- No!

- Give me the camera, Sara!

No! I got to document

everything!

Come on! Give it! Brennan,

stop terrorizing your sister.

- Tell her to give me the tape.

- When she gets big, she's gonna kick his butt.

Give me the camera, Sara! Hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, you guys.

Mom, she was... You guys. No,

Sara's just doing her job, okay?

And nobody's gonna go running into the RV,

making a mess of everything I just loaded.

Now, organization is the key

to happiness on this trip, okay?

But, Mom, she was... Brennan, this

trip is really important to your father,

so could you just

try and act excited?

Fine.

So, Brennan, Dad said this is

gonna be the funnest vacation ever.

Can we get your reaction?

I'm gonna tell you did that.

- Boat's hooked up.

I'm gonna tell you did that.

- Boat's hooked up.

- House is locked up.

- Give me that!

- Oh, oh, oh, oh.

- Let's hit the road, Newtons.

- You two!

- Wait. Wait. I almost forgot.

What's that?

On my motor home vacation,

my dad did this for us.

It made us feel

like a real team,

and, well, I want you

to feel the same way.

Great. That's great.

Okay. Okay!

Everybody turn around.

Turn around.

Turn around.

What do you think?

Cool, huh?

This is so lame.

Okay. Oh, wait.

There's more.

What do you got, Dad?

One of the best things

about my motor home vacation...

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