Beethoven's 3rd Page #2

was when we stopped

at a drive-in.

We sat on the roof of the RV

in our pajamas,

ate popcorn and watched

The Shakiest Gun in the West.

Who's Don Knotts?

Don Knotts?

Thanks, Mr. Newton.

What is it?

You don't know.

- No.

- Good luck!

Ooh, Sara,

it's gonna bite you.

Dad.

What did I agree

to bring with us?

Uh, Brennan, open it.

Why me? Because you're

a trained Boy Scout.

You're prepared,

and you're closer.

No, I'm not.

Just do it. Open it.

What?

What, are you chicken?

He's huge!

Don't slobber on me! Don't!

Get him away! Get him away!

Get him, Brennan! Get him!

- Honey! Honey!

- Did you see the size of that dog?

Oh!

Oh!

I'm okay. I'm all right.

- Daddy!

- Richard!

It's not my fault.

Beethoven, come here, boy.

Oh, my God!

Oh!

Do you see anything? No! They

must have been tipped off.

Tipped off!

Are you sure?

Hmm, on this particular day, they

go to that particular video store...

and get that particular copy of that particular

movie that no one else has ever rented.

Look, switch to decaf,

okay, babe? Open your eyes.

These people are

professionals. Professionals.

These people are

professionals. Professionals.

When my dad took me on my motor home

vacation, we had a dog with us... Spartacus.

It was great!

Spartacus was a Chihuahua.

That sheds a trash bag

full of hair every day.

This is one part of your boyhood trip

you're just not gonna get to relive. No way.

Okay. Vote, then.

All in favor of bringing

Beethoven with us, raise your hand.

All opposed?

A tie.

Okay, let's flip for it.

No, we won't.

The dog is not going.

Look,

he's already caused us $ 200

worth of damage in the RV.

No. And we're gonna have to feed him.

You know I'm gonna end up

cleaning up after him.

Richard, we're gonna take him

to a kennel,

and then George and Alice can

have him shipped from there, okay?

Okay. All right.

I understand.

You wouldn't put Ryce, Ted

or Emily in a kennel.

And Beethoven's our cousin too.

How are we gonna get that DVD from

them, huh? By any means necessary.

You know what?

I think Sara is right.

The only decent thing to do here is

let Beethoven take my place on the trip.

I mean, I guess

I'll have to stay home.

Nice try, Brennan. Come on.

We're all hitting the road.

What about that dog? That's

gotta be a trained killer.

Veterinarian animal

tranquilizer.

Any more stupid questions?

Tommy, this looks complicated.

Now, you are sure

that you know how to use it.

Excuse me. Which one of us

is the stupid one?

Me? Sorry. Yes. That would be you.

Item number one:

When we get into the hou...

They see us!

Move!

Out of my way!

Let's go, Newtons. Come on.

We're leaving now. Come on. We're

gonna hit the road. Let's go.

They're on the road.

What?

I felt a great disturbance

in the force,

as if seven gnomes cried out

at once and were silenced.

Let's roll.

Hurry up! Hurry up! They're

in front. I see them.

Okay. Stay behind them.

They're right in front.

Don't lose them, or we're

dead. Okay. Losing, death, bad.

He'll be okay, honey.

Dogs check in, but they don't

check out. Shut up, Brennan.

You know, we could drive

right by your school.

Sorry, sorry, Dad.

Bye, Beethoven.

Let's take 'em.

Okay.

Come here, boy.

Come here, boy.

Come here. Hey!

Come back here!

Hold this!

Oh, with the hurting!

Oh, that's not good.

Whoa! Good doggie!

Good doggie.

Good doggie, good doggie.

That dog trashed the car.

Just don't tell my mom.

It's covered in cement.

Don't tell her.

She's gonna know.

- What the heck was that?

- Probably somebody's vintage gnome collection...

that they'd painstakingly put together

for the last ten years of their life.

I said I was sorry.

It was probably a dog someone didn't want

on their vacation, and Dad just ran him over.

Shut up, Brennan.

Sweetheart,

Beethoven will be just fne,

even though your mommy made him

stay in that terrible place.

Oh, thanks a lot, Richard.

You're welcome, honey. Okay,

who wants to sing road songs?

No? Okay.

Honey, why don't you show your mom

that great trip route we programmed?

You mean that one

That's enough, Brennan.

If we make the schedule, we should be able

to hit Black Bart's Village by Thursday.

You're gonna love that.

Richard, you planned this entire

trip practically to the minute.

You have a map for every inch

of highway we're gonna travel...

and a schedule of stops

and attractions.

Okay, I'm impressed.

This is great.

Yep.

Brenn, what are you doing?

I'm gonna watch that movie. I can't

believe I'm gonna watch it, but I'm gonna.

Two hours into the trip,

and you're already bored?

It's not my fault, Dad.

I can get anywhere I want in the world

with just a few keystrokes, but I'm not.

I'm watching it crawl by

through the window of a bus.

It wasn't that different

when I was a kid.

We didn't have computers, but we had

clubhouses. We used to build clubhouses.

- What's a clubhouse, Dad?

- Never mind. Just watch the movie, Brennan.

- Dad, this disc is a reject.

- What?

Oh, that was supposed to be one

of the highlights of the trip.

He'll come around.

Just give him time.

Richard, what was that?

Mmm, just a branch.

Oh, yeah!

It's beautiful.

And they sure keep it clean.

Okay, Newtons. Let's get the boat

unhitched and start having some fun!

Okay.

Man!

I don't remember this thing

being this heavy.

- Brennan, come here and give me a hand.

- Doing fne, Dad.

Beethoven, come here!

Richard!

I'm okay. I'm all right.

I'm okay. I'm all right.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

No!

Dad, Beethoven saved you.

He's a hero.

Sara, I was in three feet

of water.

Okay. I'm calm now

and clean.

You did this on purpose,

didn't you?

What? Let the towing hitch

hit me in the hmm-hmm?

Threw myself in the lake

and sunk the boat?

No, you snuck Beethoven in the

boat and you towed him here with us.

You did, Dad? Thanks!

Ah, you're welcome sweetheart.

No!

Wait a minute.

I didn't do that.

Look, Beethoven obviously

got away from the kennel,

Jumped in the boat

and hitched a ride here.

Pretty smart dog.

He's an untrained, drooling

hair ball. Beethoven, sit.

See? Now what

are we gonna do with him?

Set him free.

He'll be fne in the wild.

- He's as big as a bear.

- Dad, no!

Dad! Don't worry. There

are no bears here, Brennan.

I don't see any other choice.

We have to take him with us.

- Oh, joy.

- All right.

The minute Beethoven causes me extra

work, he's walking to California.

That's fair.

That's very reasonable.

So what happened

to the boat?

Uh, it's...

They took it away.

He completely totalled it?

No...

but enough.

Look, it wasn't really

all his fault.

Sara, let's take the dog for a walk.

He was in the boat for a long time.

Come on, Beethoven.

Brennan, come with us.

How much did you get

for it? What? The boat?

No, the shards of fberglass

that we used to call the boat.

I had to pay them

to take it away.

Oh. Mm-hmm. Oh.

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