Beethoven's 3rd Page #3

Okay. That's great.

No, I'm gonna walk him.

What are you doing?

I'm adding up everything

that Beethoven's cost us...

so I know how much to charge George and

Alice when we get to the family reunion.

Beethoven!

Sara, I wouldn't let him

chase that thing.

Beethoven, stop!

Brennan!

That's gonna stink!

Ooh!

Sir, we've had some complaints

about your dog.

I'm sorry. He's a house dog.

He doesn't get out much.

Really? Well, look,

it's against park regulations...

to allow fraternization between the

domestic animals and the wildlife.

And from the smell of your dog,

he's been fraternizing. Really?

Yeah, just keep him confined

to the campgrounds,

and, please, get him cleaned up;

he reeks.

How do I get rid

of the smell?

Well, there's only one way

I know for certain.

Uh-huh?

Tomato sauce.

Any particular kind

of tomato sauce?

Something with basil

would be nice.

No, no, no!

Beethoven!

Oh, no! Stop! Stop!

Go throw him in the lake!

Watch the coffee, dude!

Ice coffee.

Oh, I told you

they'd never get away from me.

Do you remember how they used to

laugh at me in school, William?

All the time. Especially the time when you

were in gym class, and you peed your pants...

I'm-I'm just an idiot.

Well, who's laughing now,

William?

I don't know. Who?

Okay. Here's the plan.

We wait until night. Then we

waltz in under cover of darkness.

Yes, and when the family

is asleep,

we grab the DVD

and make a stealthy retreat.

That's a good plan. I know it's a

good plan, because I made up the plan.

You don't have to explain...

What?

It's brain freeze!

Half a cup next time, dude.

Okay, Beethoven. Including

the tomato sauce, the mop...

and the boat, so far

you've cost us $ 2,754.

You're enjoying this, aren't

you? So you got any money?

Do you have a job?

That's what I thought.

Mom, listen to this. I found

a great St. Bernard web site.

The St. Bernard dog is named after the

St. Bernard Pass high in the Swiss Alps.

The most famous St. Bernard

was named Barry,

and he saved the lives

of 41 people.

Wow.

The last person he saved was a

little boy trapped on an icy ledge.

Barry carried the boy back

to the monks at the hospice,

20 miles through the deep snow.

Oh, my gosh!

Mom, look!

He looks just like Beethoven.

He does.

Let's see. Now where...

There he is,

right where he landed.

Just one tooth.

Okay, time for bed.

Come on. Are you sure Beethoven

is gonna be okay outside?

Honey, didn't you tell me he was

built to live in the mountains?

- But what if he gets lonely?

- He won't get lonely, honey.

Good night, sweetheart.

- Mom?

- What, honey?

Why do you hate Beethoven

so much?

Oh, honey,

I don't hate Beethoven.

I, I just haven't had a chance

to get to know him yet.

Maybe by the end of the trip.

- Promise?

- I, I promise.

Good night.

Wow, we got to put this

on the itinerary.

A life-size peanut butter

sculpture of Abraham Lincoln.

Beth?

I used to be a nice person.

You're still a nice person.

I don't feel like I am.

Remember the summer

after we got married?

- Mm-hmm.

- You and me and the motorcycle.

That seems so long ago.

Honey, it wasn't that long ago.

I used to be

an adventurous person.

I think you need to get back in

touch with that side of yourself.

What side?

The not worry, adventurous,

messy side.

I can be messy.

Well, what do you call that

tomato sauce bath I had today?

A good start.

Good night, Beethoven.

Shh! Shh! Shh!

Shh! Shh! Okay, okay.

Hey, hey. Remember. These things

are 250 times more sensitive...

than the human eye,

so do not look into any lights.

Okay, no lights.

All right. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.

Why are we wearing these capes?

They are cloaks, William, and

with them we become invisible,

blending into our surroundings

like moon shadows between the trees.

Lock it up.

Come on.

Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Why are

we wearing the canisters, again?

Emergency smoke screens.

Okay.

Listen. These things are highly

pressurized and highly odoriferous.

Only use them in an emergency.

No, don't touch it.

Repeat after me.

I will hold in my gas, Tommy.

I will hold in my gas, Tommy.

Good.

Follow me. Single fle.

Tommy.

There's only two of us.

Are you arguing with me,

mister? No! Single fle.

Okay. Shh! Be quiet!

I am being quiet!

Shut up!

Hold still!

Hold still! Up!

Up! Up! Push!

- What do you see?

- Two kids sleeping.

The disc, Bill.

Where is the disc?

I see it! I see it!

It's right there!

Oh, that is really cool, Tommy.

Where did you get that?

You're on a need-to-know basis, and

I don't believe you need to know.

Tommy! That big dog!

I, I, I...

- I gotta go tinkle.

- Control yourself.

You don't need to destroy us.

Your powers are weak, old dog.

You are the good puppy.

Yes, you are the good puppy.

We love the puppy.

- Here they go again.

Will you shut your dog up?

You over there!

By the camper!

The lights! Don't look

at the light, William!

Abort!

Activate smoke screen!

Release your gas, William!

Tree! Oh, where's the car?

Can't see!

I see it! Let's go!

Okay! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Don't worry! Oh!

Get in! Get in!

- Let's go! Go!

- Shut up! You're waking up the whole campgrounds!

You're going the wrong way!

No, I'm not. Shut up!

Okay, watch out for the lake!

- We're very sorry, Offcer.

- That's, uh, Ranger.

Offcer Ranger

It won't happen again, Offcer.

Ranger.

Offcer Ranger.

If it happens again, I'm gonna have to

escort you and your dog off the grounds.

He's not our dog.

If it's not your dog, I'm gonna

have to impound the stray right now.

What my son means is,

is it's not our dog...

in the sense that you can't

really truly own an animal.

We're all God's creatures.

Well, look,

Just keep your dog quiet.

Yes, Offcer Ranger.

Sorry about that, fellow

campers. Situation under control.

Good night.

Come on, come on, come on.

- I don't believe it.

He is one of God's dumber

creatures. He's not dumb.

He saw something. That's why

he howled. He was warning us.

- What are you talking about?

- Two men.

I saw them drive away, and I recognized

them from across the street at our house.

And they were following us.

It's official. She's dreaming.

- I'm serious.

- Maybe he's just lonely.

He is out here

all by himself.

Let's go in.

No, no, no, no. Beethoven's staying

outside tonight, and so are you.

- What?

- Honey, if he barks again, they'll make us leave.

- You have to.

- Oh, come on!

Sweet dreams, sweetheart.

Beth! Beth!

Hey, keep it down!

- Here you go, Dad.

- Thanks, sweetheart.

It's for Beethoven, Dad.

Beethoven, you're the best dog

anyone could ever ask for.

You are the strongest

and bravest dog that ever lived.

Golly, Beethoven,

you're my best friend.

Best friend.

It's a free-range wienie,

boy! Go get it!

Go away!

No! No! Bad!

No, no, no!

Nice doggie!

Help!

Help!

Stay away, doggie!

Excuse me.

Where is all the cereal?

Beethoven was hungry,

so I fed it to him.

All ten boxes? He's a big dog,

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