Beethoven's 4th Page #3

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##I'm your new best friend ##

##New dog, old tricks ##

- ## Caviar-flavored biscuits ##

- No. Wait. No.

##I never had it good as this ##

##I'm a new dog, old tricks ##

- ##Hey, if you think

you're gonna get me ##

- ## To heel for you, don't bother ##

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- ## You'll be slippin'and slidin' and swimmin'knee deep ##

- Ow!

- ##In slobber ##

- Whoa!

## There's a new pooch

on the block ##

- ##I'll show you who'll be top dog ##

- Whoa-oa-oa-oa!

##Eat, sleep, bark, sit ##

##New dog, old tricks ##

##No more fleas

No more ticks ##

## Chasing balls

and fetching sticks ##

##I'm your new best friend ##

##New dog, old tricks ##

## Caviar-flavored biscuits ##

##Never had it good as this ##

##I'm a new dog

Old tricks ####

This means war.

Reg, can you just put

that thing away for once?

- Just e-mailing ahead to make

sure the pro's ready. - Dad!

Oh, Maddy, Simmons has taken

Michelangelo to the groomers.

But your feng shui instructor

will be here soon.

But, Mom, Dad said he would

roller-blade with me today.

Oh, honey, she's right.

What the heck is that?

Oh. Thanks, honey.

Duh.

- Reg, what are you doing? - I was

gonna go roller-blading with Maddy.

No, we're playing tennis.

Madison has a very full schedule,

just like we do.

Sweetheart, don't forget.

Your Taiwanese Slap Fighting instructor

will be here at 4:00. Be good. Bye!

He was pretty nice

about it, actually.

Yeah. He just didn't want

to give me my money.

You know what? No math grade

is worth this humiliation.

I quit.

You're on your own.

- Hi. Am I too late for class?

- Uh, you just, um...

uh... um... uh...

Uh, you... uh...

- You just missed it.

- Darn.

Well, is it every week?

Yeah. You can

sign up over there.

Okay, great.

Thanks.

I guess I'll see you

next weekend.

Great dog.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Too bad you won't be there.

What are you talking about?

I love dog training school.

We gotta practice

a lot next week.

That way Beethoven

doesn't do anything stupid.

Speaking of stupid,

you should practice talking.

Shut up.

- No, you shut up.

- No, you shut up.

Ah, here we are,

Michelangelo.

Time for your lovely bath.

Good boy. Out you come.

Time for your

beauty treatment.

Ah, Guillermo. Thank you so much

for meeting me halfway.

I had a million things to do

and no time to do them in.

Is no problem, Simmons.

I do anything for you,

my burly little muscle dog.

- Yes. Oh, you're so brave

and big and strong.

Ca va.

You know what you

should do? You...

Just the premium wash and wax.

No air freshener.

Is parfum,

not air freshener.

I'm sorry.

I get a little defensive.

It's my own formula.

I call it "CK9."

Get it? "Canine"?

I get it for you. You smell yourself.

Here, hold a minute.

- Ooh!

- Don't... Don't make a sound.

- Give me the leash.

- Oh, my word. Is this a robbery?

Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

Come on.

Come on, pooch.

Okay, I have two...

Oh, mon Dieu!

Simmons, what has happened to you?

That rotten scoundrel,

he's stolen Michelangelo.

Michelangelo!

- Run!

- No, come back! No! Come back!

Come back, you stupid...

Come here! Come here!

I'll bet you this is part of

the problem. His collar's too tight.

No, really?

Mustard and onions with relish,

mustard and onions...

Beethoven!

- Come back, Beethoven!

- Whoa! Whoa, whoa!

Stop, dog, stop!

Beethoven!

Get back here. Oh, boy!

Oh, my goodness.

Come back! Come back!

Beethoven!

Ooh, where'd he go?

Wait!

Hmm, what's this?

You idiot.

Come back! Come back!

Beethoven!

Whoa!

Michelangelo!

Michelangelo, stop!

Michelangelo!

Stop that!

Give up those links, boy.

- Your cholesterol

will go through the roof.

What has got into you?

You're being a very naughty boy.

Come along.

Come along.

Michelangelo,

when I get you home,

you are grounded.

- Beethoven!

- He's gotta be around here somewhere.

Beethoven, where are you?

Beethoven!

Come on, boy.

Beethoven, don't you

ever do that again.

Michelangelo, that was a stinker.

Oh!

Egads.

Whoo! Michelangelo, pee-yew!

Smelly!

I told you not to eat

those hot dogs.

Now you smell

like beef byproducts.

Appetizer, sir?

Vittles?

Come along. Come along.

Come along.

Yum.

Hello? Michelangelo.

Michelangelo!

You daydreaming?

Come along.

Whew! Goodness me.

What's gotten into you?

You're not yourself at all.

Come along.

You can just sit there

and use this 15 minutes' time-out...

to think about how

utterly reprehensible...

your behavior was today.

I'm going to go upstairs, change my

trousers, get all this doggy grease off me.

Beefy breath!

And I'm cancelling

your massage.

No! Not on the floor!

Come on, Beethoven.

- Did you see what he just did?

- No.

- Mmm!

- Looks great, Dad.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Oh, no, you don't.

- He just picked up my napkin.

- I told you he was smart.

He folded your napkin.

That's beyond smart.

It's weird.

You know what's really weird?

I don't think

he's drooling anymore.

That's weird.

- Is it Thanksgiving?

- Of course not, Maddy. Why?

Because we're all

eating together.

Maddy, that's a good one.

But, you know,

I think inappropriate.

Say you're sorry, honey.

Sorry, Mom.

I just thought it would be nice for us all

to have a typical Sedgefood family meal.

Oh, Reg, did I tell you

that fur company we picketed closed?

Mm-hmm. I know.

We owned it.

How could we?

It's against everything we believe in.

We just acquired it

a few years ago.

I could have had free furs

all this time, and you never told me?

- Martha, you're against fur.

- Yeah, now, but I didn't used to be!

De-fatted, unsalted,

cholesterol-free,

organic porcine pot roast.

Was it free-range?

It was a pig, ma'am.

I'm not sure how far

they'd actually go...

if they were given

free range.

Maybe just the semolina,

faux meat patty, then, Simmons.

- As you wish, ma'am.

- Oops.

Sorry.

Michelangelo, would you be so kind

as to get that napkin?

Michelangelo.

Michelangelo, no.

Get back! Get back!

Ohh!

Oh! Simmons!

That wasn't the Bella, was it?

My God. That's gonna leave a mark.

Okay.

One foot in front of the other.

There we go.

Steady up.

Just don't stand there,

Simmons, for heaven's sake!

Get the pot roast away from him!

He'll break out in hives!

Hmm.

Michelangelo?

I was having a bad dream.

Did I wake you?

Hey, want to come

sleep with me?

Come on.

Come on. Yeah.

Okay.

Let's see who's done

their homework.

How about my little obstacle course

buddy? Drop the leash, son.

Um, I-I don't think that's

such a good idea, sir.

Last week, due to circumstances

beyond my control,

I was unable to tell you all

the commands you will be learning...

- in this class.

- Brennan!

Commands such as "sit,"

"down,"

"come"...

and, of course, "heel. "

And, therefore, in order

to test your dog's skills,

my wife, Florence Rutledge,

has lovingly designed...

the obstacle course,

which represents

real-life situations...

you and your canine

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