Beethoven's 4th Page #4

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might actually encounter...

in real life.

The tunnel, one of

the more difficult trials,

which only 1 in 100 untrained dogs

can successfully negotiate.

The "A"frame, perhaps a dangerous

sand dune at the beach...

on a busy summer day,

kids screaming everywhere!

Can you trust your canine

not to bolt into the crowd...

and make off with

a three-year-old kid for lunch?

The double jump,

perhaps...

your neighbor's hedge,

...over which your dog

might have to hurtle...

to save you from a...

eh... cat.

It's happened before.

The teeter, a lot like...

well, I'm not sure

about that one,

but Florence like teeters,

so she put it in.

And, of course,

the suspended foam donut.

Absolutely impossible for amateurs

to negotiate without proper training.

So don't even try it.

Yes, people, it's not

going to happen overnight.

But with a lot

of hard work and patience,

even a dog who's two bones short

of a stew will learn to obey.

And before this class

is over, big guy,

you will be trained

so well...

that you will execute

each and every obstacle...

as if it were

a walk in the park.

I promise you that.

Dismissed!

Ladies, your attention,

please, to the podium.

Thank you.

Ladies,

you are invited here today...

because you've all

been in the forefront...

in your concern

for the environment...

and your willingness to embrace

new methods of conservation.

The idea of drinking toilet water

is a new one, to be sure,

but it's the wave

of the future!

Hey!

Come on, ladies.

Don't be shy.

- Bottoms up, so to speak!

- Here we go!

Ahh!

- I can do this.

- Lauren, you want to go play in my room?

- I got ya!

- Whoa!

Stop! Stop!

- Michelangelo!

- You're coming with me!

What are you doing?

Stop! Stop it!

What are you doing?

Aaah!

Heel!

Michelangelo, stop!

Whoa-oa-oa!

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, dear, madam.

You're all wet.

Whoa!

- Whoa!

- Michelangelo! Sit! Stay!

Heel! Oh, crikey.

Oh... my... God!

He's having

an anxiety attack!

Come here. Got ya.

Now, that went well,

didn't it? Idiot!

Oh, shut up.

Haven't you done enough?

Come along. Goodness.

You have no idea

how traumatic it was, Doctor.

The deeply buried feelings

it dredged up.

I just had a flash.

Do you think I had issues with

potty training when I was a child?

Mrs. Sedgwick,

would you please sit up?

This is Michelangelo's

appointment.

Oh!

Of course.

I see there's a lot

of hostility today.

That's just it, Doctor.

All that hostility, all that acting out.

It's all so sudden.

Where is it coming from?

- Do you want to know what I think?

- Of course.

I think Michelangelo

is reacting to a lack of affection.

Well, that's ridiculous.

I'm fairly sure my daughter

gives him affection.

- You're fairly sure?

- Well, I've seen them together.

Mrs. Sedgwick, do you give Michelangelo

affection? Physical affection.

I try to give him

his space.

What about your daughter?

- Well, I-I told you, I'm fairly sure...

- No, no.

I mean, do you give

your daughter affection?

Dr. Brothers,

as you pointed out,

this is Michelangelo's

appointment, not mine.

Mrs. Sedgwick, I think the problem

is deeper than Michelangelo.

He's merely the first one

to exhibit symptoms.

- What are you writing now?

- Notes from my new book.

When you people fell out of the stupid

tree, you hit every branch on the way down.

Heel.

Good boy.

Sit.

Brennan, look!

Can you believe this?

I don't know what it is. I mean, my dog

just can't seem to learn anything.

I wish he was more

like Beethoven.

Well, it didn't just

happen overnight, you know.

Um, you just, you know,

gotta keep at it,

and eventually it'll

all come together.

You just gotta, um,

be patient, mostly, and a lot

of hard work and stuff.

Thanks.

- Well, I gotta go.

- I-I gotta go too.

- Okay, bye.

- Bye.

- Bye. Okay.

- I guess I'll see you later, then.

It's just incredible,

that's all.

I mean, top student

in the class.

A beautiful girl

likes me.

It just doesn't work

that way in high school.

Brennan, are you

worried about Beethoven?

Oh, yeah. Real worried. I'm worried that

he's gonna turn me into such a babe magnet,

I won't have time

to eat or sleep.

Brennan, I mean it.

Beethoven's not the same dog

he used to be.

What are you talking about?

I mean, all our problems are over.

Beethoven's finally

learning how to obey.

Mom's cooled off about

sending him off to some farm.

Hey, my math grades are better

than they've ever been.

- Brennan, I mean it.

- I think he's totally fine, okay?

Come on.

Oh, no.

Phoebe again.

Don't worry about it.

Go on, do your stuff, boy.

Beethoven!

Where are you going? Come on!

Run!

- Beethoven!

- Run, Sara, run!

- Beethoven!

- Get back here, you weenie!

Beethoven, I know I haven't

always been your biggest fan,

but I can see you're

working hard to fit in.

Honey, do you think

he's okay?

Are you kidding?

If anybody's okay around here,

it's Beethoven.

I mean, he's not making a mess.

He's not chasing the mailman.

He's not even drooling.

Sure, 'cause all he does

is lie around all day.

Well, then I guess

he's just civilized.

No! No, see, that's no good.

I need him to do something.

- Like what?

- I don't know.

Anything.

I need his inspiration.

Come on, boy.

Pee on the rug.

Just like old times.

Pee on the rug.

- Richard!

- Look, I'm counting on him...

to give me some ideas

for this new pet card thing.

I'm dying out there, honey.

Come on, boy. Come on!

Come on, boy, jump on the couch.

Rip up a pillow!

Martha, I just don't see

what the problem is.

He seems perfectly all right.

- He attacked your personal trainer this morning.

- That's fine with me.

The man was making me

do leg lifts.

I'm sorry. I just don't

see how this concerns us.

I mean, can't the staff

handle this?

This isn't about the staff.

It's about the family.

- Well, then I think Madison should be here.

- You're absolutely right.

- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

- Oh. Come in, honey.

I would think you'd want to protect

your investment, if nothing else.

Michelangelo doesn't

show anymore,

but we could make quite a bit

putting him out to...

S- T-U-D.

Besides, if you recall, we

originally bought him as a family pet.

All right.

What did Dr. Brothers

think that we should do?

We have to bring out

Michelangelo's inner puppy.

- Oh, good night, nurse.

- Oh, Reg!

All right, fine.

How?

Cavort.

- Excuse me?

- Run.

Play.

Throw old tennis balls.

The things real people do

with their real pets.

Sounds like fun, doesn't it, boy?

- I don't know how to cavort.

- Well, I don't either. It's pathetic, isn't it?

He wants to teach you how to play.

Here, Dad. Catch.

- Bye, Dad.

- Ham and cheese, pickle on the side.

- Bye, Dad.

- Mustard only, lettuce and avocado,

sliced apple,

three cookies, Jell-O,

string cheese, spoon, napkin

and a blue ice block.

You got it.

Well,

I guess

I'll go to work.

Okay.

- All right.

- See ya.

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