Beethoven's 5th Page #4

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Dogs also howl at fire engines.

The point is, we got to stay focussed.

There is big money at stake here,

and we have the only key.

Thirds? Oh, man.

You really are milking it, aren't you?

OK. (sighs)

- So what's up with you and Sheriff Julie?

- There's no story there.

- She's way out of my league.

- Come on, that's not true.

You should ask her out.

- Well, actually, I...

- (door bell)

Saved by the bell.

Good morning. Good morning.

Oh. How... shabby.

Hello, dearie, how are you?

Come with me.

I brought a present for you.

A welcome-to-Quicksilver present.

That's how we locals are. Friendly.

- Lip gloss galore!

- Oh! Thank you.

Where's Beethoven? I thought he and

Babycakes could share some quality time.

They got along so well the other day.

- Beethoven?

- Oh, yes. They're just like soul mates.

Babycakes would like us all to take

a nice big long walk together.

No! Babycakes!

She's just playing hard to get.

Come back, sweetie.

Sweetheart, come back.

What did Mommy do wrong?

This isn't the plan. Babycakes,

Beethoven will think you don't like him.

- I can see they get along just great.

- Babycakes!

So a few people know about the money.

It's not the end of the world.

We just have to lay low and not attract

any undue attention. Got it? Good.

- Greetings, canine.

- Here they come.

- Where's the loot?

- Hey, big dog.

- Woof, woof!

- Hey, big guy.

- You rock!

- Oh, brother. So much for laying low.

Beethoven, want to come over and play?

Oh, yeah, Beethoven's great, isn't he?

Don't you just love him?

Aren't you Mr Popular!

Maybe you ought to run for mayor.

Maybe I ought to start drooling

and people'd wave at me.

Say cheese.

(sighs)

Hey, wait.

Don't I get to buy anything here?

(barks)

Good idea, Beethoven.

We'll do a little cleaning.

That'll make Sara happy.

- (polite growl)

- Ah.

Finally we agree on something.

(excited growl)

What was I thinking?

How's that, Beethoven?

- Julie.

- (appreciative growl)

OK. Look cool. Stay calm. Act natural.

I should go over there and talk to her.

Nah, she's not going to want to talk to me.

No, Beethoven!

Stop, please!

Most people would have just said hello.

- Hello.

- (friendly growl)

- What a mess!

- I'm sorry.

Forgive him. It's his first time shopping.

So, when did you

become a wrestling fan?

Oh.

Since your dad took down

Titus the Terminator in Houston.

What a takedown. That was brilliant.

"Defy the Equaliser and be equalised!"

- Wow! You really are a fan.

- Yeah, well, you know.

I nearly cried when he lost

the championship to the Bricklayer.

- I did not sleep for a week.

- You know it was all scripted, right?

I know that. But I was just a little kid.

What does a little kid know?

Remember this?

The Equaliser death grip! Yeah.

That's a good one.

Do you remember this? Gentleman Jim?

Yeah.

Yeah.

- Sorry.

- Oh, no, really.

I was... impressed.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Well, maybe...

- (cellphone rings)

Sorry. Got to get this.

Sheriff.

- Yeah.

- (Beethoven sighs)

(Freddy sighs)

Nice try, big fella.

It's pretty simple.

One talisman for you. One for me.

Salt for you. Salt for me.

Nettle for you. Nettle for me.

Paqua for you. Paqua for me.

We now have maximum ghost protection.

I don't think Mom would want me to go.

She'd want me to stay home.

Wait. I forgot to give you

the most important thing.

The Peruvian crystal.

Wow.

- What is it again?

- It's the Peruvian crystal.

It's from Machu Picchu.

Not only does it ward off ghosts,

it also protects you against all danger.

Just remember,

it's got to be on you at all times.

- But what if something goes wrong?

- Come on. You've got to come.

You coming?

We need you.

I got your flashlights right here.

- What did you have for dinner?

- Nothing. I don't smell anything.

Yeah, I smell garlic. What is that?

You big traitor. OK, sure.

I got a little garlic just as insurance

to keep the ghosts away. Let's go.

I thought you didn't believe in ghosts.

- And garlic's for vampires.

- There are vampires?

Get a good whiff of this,

and then show me the money!

I'm smelling a new Ferrari

and a liquid plasma TV. Come on!

- (Sara) What do you see, boy?

- (whimpers)

- Do you see that?

- Yeah. Maybe we ought to hold on.

- Come back tomorrow.

- Exactly.

- They're coming for us!

- Go, go, go!

(barking)

Beethoven!

Beethoven, get back here.

Beethoven!

What the...? Oh, man. I cannot bel...

Uncle Freddy,

what are you doing up there?

- I'm hanging upside down cos I like it.

- Hold on. Don't worry, I got it.

Get me down. I got rope burns on my butt.

- I'll cut you down.

- What am I, a sack of potatoes?

Garrett, no. Garrett, do not cut...

Argh!

..the rope.

- Are you OK?

- Yeah, yeah, fine.

(barking)

- What's with Beethoven?

- (woman) Help!

Help me. Help! And get this tank off of me.

Come on, Beethoven. Off.

Here.

- Cora?

- That's Crazy Cora.

- Why's she crazy?

- (Cora) Are you out of your mind?

Those aliens could abduct that little girl

just the way they did it to me.

- Never mind.

- Unlike everyone else, she's really crazy.

What I want to know is,

what's with all the traps around here?

- Did I catch you?

- Maybe you did and maybe you didn't.

There are too many people

sneaking around here of late.

The wood creatures don't like it.

They told me so, telepathically.

You know what I think? I think it's you

don't want any people looking at your still.

- What still?

- I was just reading about stills.

Is it a pot still or a column still?

I can't confirm or deny that I have a still.

But if I did have a still...

of course it would be a column still.

Do you single- or double-distil?

I don't distil, since I don't have a still.

But if I did have a still,

I'd triple-distil for smoothness.

- If you had a theoretical still...

- Oh, what the hey.

Why don't you just come and have a look?

(Sara) What's a still?

(Garrett) Kind of a home-made

whisky warehouse.

- (Cora) Business has been slow, Freddy.

- Really?

I was hoping you were a new customer.

So, all these people are looking for

Rita and Moe's cash?

That's a hoot! Don't they know

Rita and Moe took it with them?

Cora, you can't take it

with you when you go.

No, they took it with them. To Cleveland.

Or maybe it was Kansas City.

No, no, they drowned right here.

You can't believe the papers.

No, my daddy told me.

They got away, they settled down,

they raised a family.

Probably joined the PTA.

(clattering and clanking)

Yup, they must have been

living on Easy Street.

- There's no loot?

- But Beethoven found this ten-dollar bill.

They're long gone.

The elohim, the most holy

of all the extraterrestrials...

they saw it all.

And reported it back to my daddy.

Well, we got to be pushing off.

But I'm sure business will pick up.

(laughter)

You were right, Freddy.

Business did just pick up.

(Sara) Uncle Freddy, you stink.

Smells like you've been to

a few too many happy hours.

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