Beethoven's Christmas Adventure Page #5

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What? Uh, yeah, l was

going to shovel

the back walk.

What are you up to?

Up to?

l'm not up to anything.

Can't a son just

shovel a sidewalk

for his mom

without being asked?

Not usually.

But l appreciate it.

And have l thanked you yet

for your help with Beethoven?

Speaking of which,

how is our celebrity guest anyway?

He's great.

Been a real big help actually.

A help?

Help with what?

Making this the most

memorable Christmas ever.

Anyway, um, ready to go?

Go. Go where?

Uh...

You said we were going

out for dinner tonight.

Oh, sweetie, sorry.

Something came up.

Let me guess, at work?

Yeah.

Mr. Rexford liked

my float idea so much

that he wants me to

do a press release.

Maximize coverage,

you know?

Yeah. l understand.

No problem.

Honey, when this

all blows over,

l'll make it up

to you, l promise.

We'll do something fun for the

Martin Luther King weekend.

Swell.

l'll break out the civil rights decorations.

HENRY:
Tell you what?

How about we just get started?

His eyes. Can you

describe them to me?

Were they, uh, big

and round like...

Cookies.

Beethoven, you didn't even see his face,

how do you know what

his eyes look like?

What? Oh, no,

l was just saying l'd like some treats.

Bet the little guy would, too.

Wouldn't you, pal?

l guess l'm

a little hungry.

Listen, we don't have time for treats right now.

Are you kidding?

There's always time for treats.

This is serious, okay?

So is this.

We're hungry. Yeah.

l've been running

around all day

and not once did anyone offer me so much as a biscuit.

l may be a Saint Bernard,

but that doesn't mean l'm a saint.

And who knows when the last time this little guy ate?

A week ago, Tuesday.

By the way,

that's another part about being a stray.

You skip a lot of meals.

He makes a very

good point, you know?

l think we just

about got him.

Hey, you know what would really put him over the edge?

What's that?

Puppy-dog eyes.

Okay. Come on.

On three.

One, two, three...

(DOG WHlMPERlNG)

Okay. Okay.

(GROANS)

Let me see what

l can do for you guys.

Okay. Let's see.

Ah, here we go.

Look. Okay.

This is all l got, okay?

All natural.

Good for elves and good for animals, too.

One for you

and one for you.

Mmm.

Oh, boy.

These are the yummiest things l've ever eaten.

(DOGS BURPlNG)

Guys.

You shouldn't

have got me started.

You see, Henry,

it's quite natural.

There are billions

of tiny bacterium

in our intestines

to help digestion.

Unfortunately, these bacteria also

release gases such as methane

which prompt the expulsion,

a.k.a. burps.

Put simply,

the excess gas in our stomach

can't all be taken

in and processed.

That's what she said.

So, it must ultimately

be released through the mouth.

(FARTS)

Among other places.

(WHlMPERlNG)

(FARTS SOFTLY)

(BOTH FARTlNG)

Very classy, Beethoven.

Yeah, well,

l'm studying to be a doctor when the acting dries up.

Not me.

l'm gonna be a canine gas-expulsion expert.

(FARTlNG CONTlNUES)

Can we please

just get started?

Sure thing, elf.

(CHUCKLES)

(FARTS AGAlN)

Geez.

All right.

Here we go. Ready?

Now, uh, can you

describe him to me?

Was his face round like a

snowman or thin like Jack Frost?

STRAY:
l don't really

know who Jack Frost is,

but he definitely didn't look like a snowman.

ls something burning?

(BEETHOVEN BARKlNG)

ls it getting a little warm in here?

(EXCLAlMlNG)

BEETHOVEN:

Every dog for himself!

STRAY:
Watch it.

My mom's model!

Henry, what did you do?

We didn't do anything.

Just get out of here.

l'll handle it.

Mason! Mason,

is something on fire?

Uh...

Oops.

Really, Mom,

l didn't mean to do it.

Really, then what were you doing in the garage

when l specifically told you not to go in there?

And don't bother telling me that my

Christmas present was out there this time.

Okay. Look,

l was out there,

because that Christmas elf

that l brought home yesterday

was here with Beethoven.

Mason, this again?

Mom, it's true.

lt's not true.

Now l'm sorry that l have to work so much,

but punishing me for that isn't

going to make things any easier

on either one of us.

Do you understand?

l'm not punishing you.

You know what, Mason?

l don't have time for this conversation

because thanks to you,

l have a press release to write

and an entire model to rebuild

before tomorrow morning.

l'm sorry to do this to you this week,

but you're grounded.

Means you're not going to be

leaving the house until New Year's.

What? l'm grounded?

l don't know what you thought would happen,

you could've burned

the whole house down.

Well, Merry Christmas to me.

(HENRY LAUGHlNG NERVOUSLY)

Hey, sorry. Um...

Was that my fault?

Was that your fault?

Oh, boy.

Oh, here we go.

Let's see.

Did you stupidly and irresponsibly

lose the toy bag?

Yes.

Did you idiotically land in that

tree and intrude on all our lives?

Yes.

Did you moronically set fire

to my mother's float model?

Yes.

Yes, it was your fault.

l just don't see it.

Oh!

What a dumb elf!

You know what?

Never mind.

Don't worry about it.

Just please tell me that you got a good sketch.

Oh, actually, we just

finished it. Yeah.

(HENRY LAUGHS)

Yeah, little guy over there,

he's got quite some memory.

Don't you?

Yes, you do.

All right.

So, check it out.

Do you recognize him?

Actually, no.

What? This is great.

l make one mistake, one mistake,

and all this happens.

"One little mistake."

What does that mean?

Look, at this point,

l might as well just tell you the truth.

l'm not really

a toy-making elf.

You're not?

No.

l'm a stable elf.

And the whole reason l'm here is

because l was trying not to be.

Doesn't matter.

After this disaster,

l'll be lucky if Santa lets me be an elf at all.

But wait,

l don't get it.

Why don't you

wanna be a stable elf?

All of my other elf buddies,

they're all making toys.

And l'm just different.

What's so bad about

being different?

Anyone can buy

a toy from a store,

but being the one elf

who can talk to animals,

and help with Santa's

magic reindeer?

That seems pretty cool to me.

Hey, you can't sleep there.

Okay, l got to admit.

You're kind of cute.

And you look pretty comfy.

Don't get used to it, okay?

l meant what l said yesterday.

You can't stay here.

(WHlNlNG)

HENRY:
That's right, Santa.

You won't be able to deliver any

presents because of me. Right?

There's always

next year, right?

Who am l kidding?

lt's Coal City for me.

Hey, don't beat

yourself up, H-man.

You're still the coolest elf l've ever met.

Of course,

you're the only elf l've ever met,

but you shouldn't let that affect the compliment.

Well, thank you, Beethoven.

Hey.

lf there were more animals like you at the North Pole,

l would be happy

to be a stable elf.

Oh, really? Come here.

Give me some sugar.

You still got to stop

doing that though.

(GROANS)

You got to get used to it.

lt's a real show of affection in the dog world.

We dogs love to lick.

SMlRCH:
Ho, ho, ho

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