Beethoven

Slow down, slow down. Move it back up.

-Here we go.|-They`re drivin` me crazy!

-Don`t go too fast.|-Come on!

-What`s the matter?|-You threw the cage on my foot!

-l didn`t do that.|-Yes, you did.

l need puppies.

-Okay. All right. Come on.|-Puppies.

Hi there. lsn`t that the sweetest?

-He`s cool.|-l think he likes us.

What a cute guy.

lsn`t he cute?

Hi, puppy.

No, absolutely not.

How big`s he gonna be?

St. Bernards get to be about 150 pounds.

l got a junkyard.|l need a big, mean junkyard dog.

Let me see him.

Come here, puppy.

He looks good and mean.

l don`t know. He`s pretty sweet.

You can make any dog mean.

Damn little beast! God!

You got any pit bulls?

Come on. lt`s a pushover.

l cased the place.

What about the cops?|What about video surveillance?

You`re crazy if you`re gonna walk up|just like this.

What about the alarm?

All you gotta do is step over.

-l got you.|-Okay, okay.

There, you see?|ln and out, quiet as a mouse.

Let`s get some dogs.

Come on, puppy.|We`re just goin` for a little car ride.

Look at the wee, little ones.|Come here, little puppies.

Here we go.

Come on, puppy. Here puppy, nice puppy.

l`ve stepped in the beam.

Here, puppy, nice puppy.

See, didn`t l tell ya?

Doesn`t this beat|takin` strays off the street?

-You are a genius!|-Get off!

Sorry! l`m sorry.

l`m just a little bit excited.|That`s my very first felony.

l`ve committed a lot of misdemeanors,|but that was my first felony.

Why are they barking?

They`re dogs.

l know they`re dogs!|Go in the back and check.

Okay, doggies, what`s the racket back--

Okay, doggies, back in your house.

Back in your house.|Here, doggie, nice doggie.

No, doggie. Don`t jump.

Bad dog!

Good puppy!

Bad puppy, don`t jump!

Good puppy, don`t jump!

Come back! Stop the van!

Harv, what is it?|Why did you want me to stop?

Hurry, they`re gettin` away.

Hey, you, come back here!

Come here! l`ll give you a bone!

Come back here, you little runt!

Come here, you!

7 A.M.!|Up and at 'em!

Ted, l`m sorry.

What`s wrong?|Did you have another nightmare?

Yeah.

Mom, it`s Saturday and it`s 7:02.|Do we really have to get up?

Yep, you heard your father.

l know, Daddy`s rules.

That`s it! l`m not gonna take it anymore.

Mom, l have a news flash for you.|lt`s Saturday!

-Yeah, l know, honey.|-This sucks!

Why do we have to get up|so early on Saturday?

Ask your father. Don`t say `"sucks.`"

The bathroom`s mine!

-Nanny, nanny!|-Shut up! Let me in.

Open up, you little wimp! Let me in!

-Mom! Let me in!|-You have no bladder control.

Wait till l get my hands on you. Let me in!

A puppy!

Hi!

Guys, do you have to--

l dreamt l had a puppy, and it came true!

Honey.

l take back everything l said|about you being cold and insensitive.

Dad, l take back|anything l ever said about you, too.

Dad, l have everything l ever wanted.

-l owe you big time.|-Why?

Daddy, can we call him Fred?

-Let me have him. lt`s my turn.|-No, it`s my turn!

-l saw him first!|-l`m gonna have him for five more minutes.

We can`t have a dog. We can`t have a dog!

You can`t show a child a puppy,|then take it away two minutes later.

l didn`t show a child a puppy.|lt`s obviously lost.

-Occupy the kids. l`ll run to the pound.|-No, no way!

-lt`ll be destroyed.|-lf we keep it, the house will be destroyed!

-lt`s a dog. Millions of people have dogs.|-Not people like me.

Dogs sniff. They lick, they chew.|They drool, they scratch--

-Alice, they have parasites.|-Oh, God, yeah.

The kids`ll lose interest.|l`ll have to care for it.

lt`ll grow to be enormous.|lt`ll take over the yard.

The lawn`ll look terrible.

When the dog finally settles down, it`ll die.

Everybody will be upset. We`ll have|to get another puppy. Start all over.

-Do you understand?|-No. Could you be more specific?

-Alice, l need a little support.|-Okay, l`m sorry. All right.

How shall we handle this?

Go tell the kids.

-Come on.|-Come over here.

He loves me the most.

-Hi, kids.|-Hi, Dad.

-Can he sleep in my room?|-No, he`s sleeping in my room.

-l`m the oldest. He`s sleeping in my room.|-He`s not sleeping in anyone`s room.

Listen to me a minute.

We are `"people`" people here.|We are `"goldfish`" people.

We`re `"ant farm`" people.

We`re not `"dog`" people.

Dad, why can`t you just give us a chance?

You`re always saying|we have to have responsibility.

That`s true.

lt`s my decision. l mean, l`ve decided.

l knew it!

Better think of something to name him.

When he destroys my house,|l wanna know what to call him!

-Thank you.|-This is temporary.

This is temporary until we find the owner.

Okay, the dog`s name will be....

-What is it?|-What`s his name gonna be?

You can`t change it. That`s the rules.

Okay. Emily?

Did you do your name in a crayon?

l don`t think words for parts|of the body make good names.

But he`s got one of those. l looked.

l`m sure he does, but l don`t think Daddy...

...wants to stand on the front porch|at night yelling that out.

But that`s what you call Uncle Richard.

Okay, the dog`s name will be....

You asked for my input.

-What?|-Nothing. Let`s just call the dog Rover.

-Mom, please, M.C. Hammer.|-Ultimate Warrior.

M.C. Hammer? No, no, Rover.

He doesn`t like any of those names.

-Right! Like you can read his mind!|-Ryce!

Emily, what does the dog|want his name to be?

This is ridiculous! lt`s a dog.|He doesn`t have preferences!

Call him Ding Dong.|He wouldn`t know the difference.

Yes, he would!

He`ll tell us what he wants to be called.

Beethoven.

Roll over. Come on, boy. Roll over.

You!

No, no, no!

lf this business is gonna grow,|we need more money.

They`re talking about $25,000.|l said, `"That`s no good.`"

They said, `"No?`" l said, `"No.`"

lf this is gonna take off,|l need some capital, not a Band-Aid.

They said, `"What kind of figures|are we talking about?`"

l said, `"$150,000 sounds|like a good neighborhood to me.`"

You really said that?

This is a business.|What am l gonna do with $25,000?

Advertising, signs, but l`m optimistic.

-Ted, get down here.|-Where`s my shoes?

-l don`t know, honey, just backtrack.|-Mom, please?

Look behind the bathroom door.

-Daddy?|-What?

He wants you to scratch his head.

You know, l don`t wanna scratch his head.

Back off, back off!

But he wants you to.

Sometimes we don`t get what we want.|That`s not how it works.

lf l don`t get this deal, l`ll kill myself!

Honey, don`t talk like that|in front of the kids.

lf l can just get them to smell the stuff.|Air fresheners are visceral products--

-l got a great idea.|-What?

Can l have karate lessons?

l didn`t get any bacon.|What do you want karate lessons for?

Brenda`s littler than me,|and she`s got a green belt.

Why don`t we skip the lessons|and get you the belt?

No! Come on!

He slimed me! He slobbed! Look at this!

Don`t worry about it.

l`ve got dog drool on my pants!

l can`t meet with Vanguard Capital|with dog drool on my pants!

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