Behind the Scenes of 'The Last Remake of Beau Geste' Page #2

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this entire house...

...from top to bottom.

I mean it's awful. Just awful.

And that

monstrosity over there...

That's great uncle Fabius!

And that... thing over the fireplace!

Well, it simply must come down!

- But mother, that's the Geste

coat of arms! - How quaint...

No-no-no... down it comes. I want to

do something amusing with a peach...

As you say, my dear...

But isn't it time for bed?

- But it's only six o'clock!

- Oh, is it? Dammit.

Now, the dining room.

...come, come, Isabel;

write all this down...!

Magnificent, isn't she?

Almost makes me feel

seventy-five again.

She's certainly not unattractive, Sir.

I met her in Paris,

embassy reception...

...she just lost her seventh husband.

- Lost or mislaid?

And I want something absolutely

wicked with wall-to-wall hermine...

Don't you think we should

look at the bedroom...?

Yes! I thought we might

do something bizarre,

with a chandelier and

some ostrich feathers...

I hope I have the energy...

Tell Crumble I may

require a step-ladder...

One moment, Sir...!

May I have a moment with our...

...our new mama?

Of course... get caught

upstairs, eggy-pops.

Quite right, give me a head-start...

we should rise together!

- May I talk to you... confidentially?

- What's a mother for...?

Be careful with father;

he's a very old man.

And I want him to become

a very, very old man.

I trust we shan't be...

enemies, Beau?

That's up to you,

I should say.

Good night, Beau...

Good night.

Mother.

Hurry up! I can't hang on to

this chandelier much longer...!

Something terrible has

happened in the manor!

Come on, doggie!

I've given him a sedative.

But it's touch and go.

- Heart attack? - Yes. It was

too much for a man of his age...

He over-came himself...

This may be the first recorded

case of... death by extasy...

Will he pull throuh?

He's a tough old warhorse...

...but frankly, it's a matter of time.

Simply a matter of time.

Oh, how sad. Taken from

his loved ones in his very blime...

You must be brave, mama,

you mustn't cry...!

You're right.

Fear not, dear Hector!

Your beloved Flavia will

sing and dance again!

But he's not dead yet!

Well, it's been four

days, for Christ's sake!

The doctor said three at most!

Incompetent quack...

You might at least allow him

to pass away in dignity...

Of course I shall sell this house...

It holds too many

unhappy memories for me...

Isabel, you're a virgin.

You can enter a nunnery.

Obiously, so can you, Digby.

But...

I have other plans for you, Beau.

My lady, the gentlemens

from Cartier's are here.

- Crumble, the safe.

- The safe, Crumble...

Cartier's, the jewellers?

Surely you don't mean

to sell the "Blue Water"...?

It's mine now, and I shall

dipose of it as I see fit.

Here it is, my lady.

- What happened?

- Probably just a power failure, mother.

- Look!

- What?

- There!

- Where?

- Here!

- Where?

- Gone!

- What?

- It!

Is this someone's idea of a joke?

- Don't look at me.

- I didn't take it.

Not faithful old Crumble.

Very well. I'm going

to put out this light,

count to three, and

put the light back on.

But then I want to see the

"Blue Water" back on the table.

One... two... three.

I'm going to try again.

This time, I want to see the

"Blue Water" back in it's place.

Also, the table.

One, two, three.

My patience is wearing thin.

I shall try once more.

One - two - three.

I knew you would

come to your senses.

Crumble, the police.

Stop!

If you call the police,

it will only bring shame

upon the name of Geste.

Screw the name of Geste!

Well, what do you suggest?

I would give the culprit

until morning to think it over.

- And? Will he think it over, Beau?

- I guarantee it.

You have my word as a Geste

that you will not find that

box empty in the morning.

So, it was you!

N-no, I've just crept down here to

see if the stone had been returned...

- And has it?

All I found was this... envelope.

It's in Beau's handwriting.

I shall be far, far away by

the time you here this letter...

Yes Dig, it was I that

took the "Blue Water"

Sometime a man has to

do what a man has to do.

Look after Isabel, and guard her

virginity as you would your own.

I trust papa will

continue to die nobly...

Adieu, brother!

Wait a minute,

I haven't finished yet!

Thank you.

P.S.:
Don't look for me.

Especially in North Africa.

- What are you doing...?

- I'm destroying the evidence.

Good idea.

No.

I shall eat it raw.

The evidence wil be

safely in my stomach.

By the time it comes out in the end,

Beau will be in North Africa.

- I shall confess.

- Will they believe you did it?

I shall just stand up there in court...

...and say...

Guilty my lad.

Have you nothing to say

in your defense?

Nothing.

Not a word.

I refuse to speak.

I shall remain silent...

...until death as befits a Geste...!

- SHUT UP!

I will not divulge

a single secret, not one...

SHUT UP!!!

Digby Geste!

I hereby sentence you

to two years hard labor.

Doesn't seem very much, does it?

Couldn't I give him more?

Did I hear four...?

Four years.

Four years!

Five years.

Six!

Eight years!

Ten.

- Twelve!

- What are they saying?

Going... going...

Fifty years!

Fifty years!

Seventy five years!

NINE HUNDRED:

AND FIFTY SIX YEARS!

Prisoner at the bar,

I hereby sentence you to nine

hundred and fifty six years!

...or life.

Whichever is the longer.

Take him away!

Oh Digby!

Don't worry about me.

Beau's secret

will be safe in my hands.

- How's father?

- Still alive and dying...

Good.

Then I have done

whatever it is that I have done...

...for Beau and

for the sacred name of Geste...!

Somewhere in Morocco...

Company, halt!

About face!

Stand still!

Don't move a muscle!

Or you'll be flogged!

New recruits ready for

inspection, sergeant Markov!

My name is Markov.

Sergeant Markov.

And I despise you all.

And I don't even know

you yet, gentlemen.

Komm, mein pferdchen...

hopp, hopp, eins, zwei...

In time, my contempt for you will

blossom into revolsion and digust.

If you are lucky!

What have we here, Boldini?

A shipment of new recruits,

oh my sergeant!

Ja... look at them, corporal...

Oh, God...

A much redder bunch

than we usually get them...

- Your name?

- Smith...

- Name?

- Schmidt...

- Your name?

- Smith... Smith...

Take their numbers, Boldini...

We ask no questions here...

...darn that sock...!

Perhaps he will be good

in the kitchen, huh?

- Your name?

- Jones!

- Jones?

It used to be Smith.

I had to change it.

Officer material...!

- Your name?

- Smith. Reporting for duty,

sergeant Markov.

"Smith. Reporting for duty, sergeant..."

Why do you speak

in this damn silly way?

It's my usual manner of speach

sergeant, I'm sorry if it offends you.

Listen, YOU offend me.

It's your boots I want

to see my face in...

...not your fingernails!!!

You're in the legion now,

here we don't need gentlemen.

Oh, good morning gnral Pecheur...

comment ca va, mon gnral...?

I'm a soldier sergeant, and I trust

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