Behind the Scenes with Blake Edwards' 'The Great Race' Page #4

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I will take you no further than Grommett.

Hey, Professor, where we going?

We save 15 miles by following

the tracks, Max.

Oh, terrific!

- Is that gasoline?

- Sure is.

Let me give you a hand with it.

Wait a minute.

- Nobody gets nothing till it's signed for.

- Of course.

- You M. Dubois?

- I beg your pardon.

- Gasoline consigned to M. Dubois.

- What?

- Oh, I'm M. Dubois.

- I knew it.

You got some identification?

What did I tell you?

I told you not to trust her.

My press card.

Okay, just sign on the line.

- What if I don't sign?

- You see.

Look, ma'am, you don't sign,

you don't get no gas.

Well, Mr. Leslie?

You wish to continue the race, so do I.

As far as the West Coast?

If she goes, I stay!

Hezekiah.

You going to sign or do I send

the gas back to New York?

Miss Dubois, this is very...

The gas is yours if you take me

to the West Coast.

Under the circumstances,

it's a fair exchange.

Load the gas back on the train.

She's not signing and

the train's leaving in five minutes.

Just one moment, please, sir.

I will not leave without Hezekiah.

If I can change his mind?

Suppose you don't change his mind?

Then I shall take this train back

to New York.

Sir, let me give you a hand

with the gasoline.

Boys, would you care to join me?

Hezekiah, I understand how you feel,

but I beg you to reconsider.

A deal is a deal.

Then I guess I'll have to hurry

or I'll miss my train. Goodbye, Hezekiah.

You mean...

Well, a deal is a deal.

It's been wonderful knowing you.

What about the gas?

I signed for it.

I'm sorry. You see,

this race ain't the right place for a woman.

I understand.

Board!

Well.

- Would you take me to the train?

- Well, yes, ma'am.

Boys and girls,

this is a six-cylinder automobile...

...with an overhead cam that can...

It was built by a company

especially for me, for this race.

He just wouldn't listen.

I told him, and he said that...

...he's had enough and he didn't think

you could win anyway.

And...

...he said he was going to go back

to New York.

Double-crossing females!

Hey, boss! Look.

Hey, conductor!

You are trying my patience, madam.

We know our rights.

You're obstructing traffic

and disturbing the peace!

- And you are exceeding your authority.

- I ain't exceeding nothing, lady!

- Then, arrest us.

- What?

Arrest us. I dare you.

Sorry, sir.

I want you to run to City Hall

and bail out Mrs. Goodbody.

Yes, sir.

In about two hours.

Yes, sir.

I once went

on an anthropological expedition...

...to study the Kwakiutl Indians.

In winter, one Kwakiutl in a blanket froze.

But two Kwakiutls in the same blanket...

Yes?

Were warmer.

Would you hold this, please?

Champagne?

You put alcohol in the radiator

of the automobile...

...to keep it from freezing, don't you?

I can't see a thing.

Neither can I.

Maybe we better stop.

I can't stand it, I'm freezing to death.

Shut up!

Even the thermometer is frozen.

Everything's frozen.

Look at that!

It won't take long to grow back.

It's only a half of a mustache.

What was that?

I don't know.

Well, I'll go see.

Miss Dubois, please. Thank you.

I'm terribly sorry.

I thought you were Maximillian.

Nothing to worry about. We have

a lot more champagne in the car.

Professor!

Yes!

Where are you?

Behind the rock!

Behind which rock?

This rock, you idiot. Come on.

Close the door and hurry it. Bring it up!

We're safe up here.

Yeah, safe here.

Help!

My apologies.

There's a polar bear in our car.

If you don't leave this car immediately,

I shall personally feed you to the bear.

If the bears don't get us,

we'll certainly freeze to death out there!

As far as freezing is concerned,

you have the same chance that we have.

- Not if you put us out in the blizzard.

- Snowing very bad.

May I point out

that you've completely demolished my top.

And there's very little difference between

the blizzard out there and in here.

Except that you have blankets

and stimulants.

Stimulants.

He's right.

Miss Dubois, you're not suggesting...

If two in a blanket stand

a better chance than one...

Then four in a blanket...

He's a cheat and a liar.

That's beside the point.

The point is that we're freezing.

Yes, and the time has come

to cast aside our personal differences.

Bury the hatchet.

And you know who has the hatchet.

He doesn't even have a whole moustache...

...so why can't we settle this whole thing

underneath the blanket?

We must get underneath

the blankets together. Close together.

Therefore, it will be necessary

to lower the seat.

Lower the seat!

Max, the back!

The foot. Watch that foot!

I beg your pardon.

Champagne, Professor?

Thank you.

Hey, this is terrific.

May I propose a toast?

What's so funny? Something wrong?

What happened to your mustache?

- I broke it off.

- You what?

I broke it off. It was frozen. Look.

What time is it?

Just a moment.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

Very big. The head very big.

Time to get up.

Professor, time to get up.

Come on, Professor, rise and shine.

Rise and shine?

- 7:
30.

- Then you rise, you shine.

- He's always like this in the morning.

- I'm not always like this!

This particular morning

I happen to be seasick.

Too much champagne.

I'm not sick from champagne,

I'm sick from the sea!

- It's not necessary to yell at her.

- I'll yell at whoever I want to yell at!

- He always yells like this.

- Let me out of here!

you idiots, I'm seasick!

Rise and shine.

Help! Max!

I'm coming, Professor.

I got you!

You're wasting your time.

- Perhaps.

- We're melting.

- Slowly.

- We're going to sink.

- Eventually.

- Then you're wasting your time!

I shall place this log...

...in a water-tight container, if found...

...it shall provide valuable information

for those who may follow.

Valuable information for those

who may follow.

Professor, I got an idea.

Instead of the book, why don't you and me

get into the container?

Shut up!

- We got to do something.

- Don't worry.

Before this iceberg melts and we drown

like rats, we're going to do plenty.

We're going to starve!

Miss Dubois, I recommend

we have cold meals from now on...

...we're melting fast enough as it is.

What difference does it make?

A few hours one way or another.

Minutes have made the difference

in survival, Miss Dubois.

Mr. Leslie, I suspect you are being

unrealistically optimistic for my benefit.

And it isn't at all necessary.

We're lost on an iceberg,

and doomed to drift with the tide and melt.

You're a brave woman, Miss Dubois.

Red sky.

So what?

There's going to be a storm.

What are you talking about?

"Red sky in the morning,

sailor, take warning."

You thimble-headed gherkin,

do you realize the odds against a storm...

...in this part of the ocean

at this time of year? 100-to-1.

Throw me a rope!

"Red sky in the morning,

sailor, take warning."

Why you, nincompoop!

Max!

Another foot.

Another foot.

Thirty-seven inches to go.

Thirty-seven inches to go.

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