Beyond the Poseidon Adventure

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- I hope those lines hold.

- Hold on. Hold on, Wilbur.

Hold on to the wheel.

I'm sick.

- Shut that window, Wilbur.

- All right, I'm trying.

I'll help you, Wilbur.

Mike, look out.

Bloody hell.

Get her below, or I'll kill her.

- Hey, I was...

- I'm telling you!

Get her... Get her out of here!

- Get below!

- I'm going.

I don't understand you.

I'm going down now.

Get below.

Oh, God, not that.

What a hell of a way

to spend New Year's Eve.

How did you even

find someone like that?

Mike, I told you,

I didn't find her, she found me.

She saved my ass

the other night in a bar.

Two guys were trying to roll me,

and she comes up...

...and hits one over the head

with a bottle...

...and the other one, she just kicked

in that spot where it hurts most.

You should've seen her.

You should've been there.

It's okay, it's okay.

I caught her act last night.

Well, it could've been worse.

Remember that spider monkey

I brought aboard last year?

Sorry.

The only difference so far

is the real monkey didn't apologize.

Morning.

- Here.

- Good morning.

Good morning.

Hey, look, I'm really sorry

about last night.

Usually I'm totally terrific on boats.

- What's this supposed to be?

- Coffee.

Try again.

Listen, ace, it's not exactly

the Waldorf down there.

Mine's okay, Mike.

At least it's hot.

Try again.

If I'd known I was gonna be

sailing with Captain Bligh...

...I'd have stayed put

up in my chateau in the Riviera.

Chateau? Is that what

the other girls called it?

Hey, wait a minute.

Now, that's untrue and totally unfair.

- And absolutely, totally...

- I'm sorry, hon.

I really am sorry.

Yeah. I can see you are.

That's okay.

She's a good kid, Mike.

Really, she is.

She's just trying to get to Africa.

I know, I know.

But it'd be so much nicer if somehow

all of this was someone's fault.

Come on now. When we get back

to Marseille, you're going to the bank.

You'll extend the mortgage on the boat,

that's what you'll do.

Mike, losing your cargo in a storm

like that, the bank will understand.

Oh, sure.

In times of real trouble...

...one thing a man can depend on

is the sympathy of a bank.

Come on, now.

Hey, take a look up there.

Chopper, right?

French coast guard.

For them to be out this far,

some ship must be in big trouble.

What am I thinking, Wilbur?

- Tell me.

- Salvage.

- You're thinking salvage.

- Salvage, hell.

Salvation.

Some poor devil is stranded out there.

Get a fix on that chopper's course and

we'll follow it back where it came from.

I knew it.

I knew my luck couldn't be that bad.

Nothing was gonna get worse,

because nothing could've.

- Sorry.

- Jesus.

Look what I found.

- Happy New Year.

- I'll drink to that.

Oh, my gosh.

- All those people.

- Yeah, it's a lousy business...

...when someone's gotta die

before you can make a buck.

But, you know...

...all that salvage is gonna belong

to somebody. Why not us?

I hate to be this big party pooper,

but aren't we slightly overmatched?

This thing's gonna get a double hernia

trying to haul that thing back into shore.

We don't have to.

Not if the French coast guard

found a way in.

You're looking at

a four-star passenger liner...

...carrying hundreds of wealthy people

on a European cruise.

The only kind of salvage I want out of

there is the kind I can carry on my back.

And end up with what?

A bagful of credit cards and gold fillings?

Charming.

A quick trip down

to the purser's office.

That's where the money

and the jewels are.

Maybe even some gold.

In and out and I'll be on my way back.

That was an explosion inside the hull.

Maybe it's trying to tell you something.

- Mike.

- I gotta get in there before it goes down.

I don't know, she could go down

any moment now.

The Andrea Doria stayed up

for more than 10 hours.

Well, I stayed up for a week once.

So what?

We're wasting time.

Now, listen,

I'm going in there by myself.

They're about to take my ship

away from me...

...but I've got this chance,

and I'm sure as hell gonna take it.

There could be a fortune in there.

And if there is, it's mine.

Wilbur...

...make ready the skiff.

- Get the monkey to help you.

- Monkey?

I didn't know you guys had

a monkey aboard.

Gee, I didn't see one...

Wonderful.

- Ahoy, Jenny, ahoy.

- We've got company.

I'm Dr. Stefan Svevo, and this is

the medical rescue ship Irene.

That must be the Poseidon.

We heard her S.O.S. Last night.

Sheer off. I have the salvage rights here.

Captain Michael Turner.

A capsized ship is like a giant air bubble,

captain, and there may be survivors.

My paramedics and I could be

instrumental in guiding them off.

- Give them medical attention, if needed.

- The survivors have been taken out.

But you can look

and take out any you find.

But only survivors.

I will take out anything else that I find.

Is that understood?

Well, that was my original

proposition to you, captain.

Good.

Then we'll start getting our gear

together, and I suggest you do the same.

Well, we are prepared

to go aboard right now...

...but, don't worry, captain, we'll wait.

Sorry, not a chance.

Way I see it,

you don't have a choice.

How's that?

As I said, I'm in a desperate need

to get to North Africa.

You leave me here and sail off without

me, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Wilbur, we're gonna tie her up

and throw her in the tug.

If you don't come back, I'll die up here.

- That is a definite possibility.

- Oh, come off it, Turner.

I know you're a tough guy,

but you're not a son of a b*tch...

...no matter how bad you want me

to think you are, are you?

Sit down.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

I hope you're a religious man, captain.

I've taken the liberty of saying

a small prayer for us.

All of us?

Well, it's my feeling that

from this time on...

...our fates are necessarily intertwined.

Good, then you won't be offended...

...if I remind you

of that fact from time to time.

The French coast guard

must have cut a hole in the ship.

Skipper, I'm telling you,

it's a floating time bomb.

Hazards of the trade. Let's go.

Hold it.

We've gotta find a way down.

Like over there, maybe.

- Where?

- There.

Take a look, Wilbur.

This will do.

Yeah, this'll do it. Come on.

Here, this way.

It's the escape hatch

for the engine-room crew.

Coming, monkey?

Why not?

Where are we?

- Looks like a mess.

- It's the gym.

Just hold on and help him.

- What happened?

- The ventilators collapsed.

- You got him?

- I got him.

Come on.

Come on, you can make it.

- How is he?

- He'll be all right.

- Is everyone else all right?

- I'm fine.

Okay, we're locked in.

No way of getting out there now.

Sure there is. There must be

another entrance into that engine...

What's so funny, doctor?

Let us in on it.

I'm sure we could all use

a good laugh right about now.

I find it ironic, that's all, captain...

...that I've suddenly become one of the

very people I came down here to rescue.

Doctor, that little prayer you said

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