Big Momma's House 2 Page #2

But I am gonna work on it.

I'm gonna be more flexible.

Probably not about

everything, but I think that...

...there is some wiggle room,

in some areas, probably.

Lets just jump right

into the interviews.

Great. Whatever you want.

I have three amazing candidates.

Ladies, Id like you to

meet Mrs. Leah Fuller.

Mrs. Fuller, this is-

Ooh, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord.

Big Mommas in the house.

Ooh, hello.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late...

...but there was an incident on the bus.

- Oh, my gosh. Are you okay?

- Well, lets just say there's one pervert...

...who wont playing the flute no time soon.

Huh? Ooh, give me a second, please.

Ooh, got my pressure all

up and my nerves goin. Ooh.

Who the hell is that?

Hey, uh, Constance, give me a close-up.

Ooh, hi. I'm Hattie Mae Pierce.

But you can call me Big Momma.

Everybody calls me Big Momma.

Miss... Big Momma?

Um, I'm not sure how you found out about

this job opening, but unfortunately-

- Well, has the position been filled?

- Uh, no.

Now, that's good equal opportunity.

You should know I got Al

Sharpton on speed dial. Mm- Hmm.

Need me to call? Wanna make a call? Hmm?

- Want a

rally? - Mm-mmm.

First, we have Petra.

- She studied art in Paris.

- Oh. Bonjour.

- Hmm.

- She speaks four languages, and recently worked...

...for one of Orange County's

most respected families.

Unfortunately, they divorced.

Oh, child, that divorce

wasn't your fault.

So what if men like to look

at you in your birthday suit?

Excuse me?

Well, the only way you get a tan

like that is by layin' out butt naked.

Butterball naked. Hmm?

Mrs. Fuller, I can assure you-

No, its all right that you wanna

be a nudist. Do your nudie thing.

All right? It's okay.

I'm sure Mrs. Fuller

is not intimidated...

...by a pair of perky Ds.

Hmm, Ds. Hmm? Hmm?

Oh.

Where you goin? Did I say somethin'?

Ooh. You don't need nobody like

that around your husband anyway.

Okay. Um, our next

candidate is Isabella.

Isabella spent the last few

years in the Peace Corps.

Wow. That explains it.

You-You chasing the dragon?

- What? - You firing

the 'aack- Ack' gun?

Child smoking the cheeba?

I got two words:
roach clip.

So you don't burn your fingers.

- Can you see that? - I should-

I should probably really go.

Who is this woman?

Well, if anyone is beyond

reproach, its Constance.

Hello, Constance. It's

awfully nice to meet you.

Now, I assume you are

completely 'aack-ack' free?

Oh, yes, ma'am. Of course.

She has impeccable references.

She even studied child psychology.

Ooh, that's impressive. Ooh.

Well, children are my passion.

- Oh. Oh, really?

Well, would you say...

...that you're a follower of Bouch?

Or do you side more

with Kreiter's theory?

Um, Kreiter.

- Definitely Kreiter.

- Well, child, Kreiter's my butcher.

And he can cook the hell out of a ham hock,

but he don't know nothin' about children.

So what else are you lyin' about?

What?

Maybe you can forgive her lyin' ways...

...but I'm sure you don't

want a nanny who's packin'...

Packing?

Oh, tell me this is not happening.

Should we discuss compensation?

Oh, Big Momma, I am so glad you came by.

I mean, can you imagine if I had

hired one of those other ladies?

Oh, Big Momma, are you okay?

Oh. Oh, what a lovely stool.

And so comfortable.

Well, let me tell you a

little bit about the Fullers.

I own my own marketing business...

...and my husband, Tom, is in software.

- Oh, my God! Big Momma, are you okay?

- Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Excuse me.

Uh, maybe I'll just stand.

So your husbands out on a new

project? I can't wait to meet him.

Yeah, well.

- Uh, do you wanna know about the children?

- Well, that depends.

- Will they be around a lot?

- Well, they live here...

...so pretty much all the time.

Oh. Well...

...in that case, Big Momma loves taking care of the kids.

- Oh, good.

Unless, of course, you think they'd be

better off in a nice military academy.

No.

That's funny. I will warn you though...

...their schedules are pretty hectic...

...so I've come up with something

to help you keep it straight.

Damn. How many kids you got?

I know. I have to remind myself

sometimes that its only three.

But its not as bad as it looks,

once you get used to the system.

Okay, for example,

sports are white pegs...

...music are yellow, um...

...tutoring is blue, and

household chores are red.

Well, which peg says its time for

me to drink a 40 and watch Dr. Phil?

You're funny.

Um, my husband, Tom, seems to think that

I'm a little too obsessive about this...

...but, you know, the world is changing.

And I want my kids to be able to

take advantage of it in every way.

Oh, rats!

Oh, I'll handle it. Uh, all

I need is a hammer and a mop.

Oh, that's actually our dog, Poncho.

He hasn't really been himself lately.

We had this other dog named Carla.

She was Ponchos girlfriend.

And she was out playing with a ball,

and there was this, um, wood chipper.

- Wood chipper?

- Oh, he saw the whole thing.

- He blames himself.

It's a tragedy, really.

Anyway, lets go meet the children.

First, we have Andrew. He's three.

Oh, my goodness.

I know. He does that all day long.

And you would think that he would

get hurt, but he never seems to.

Boy, you are two kinds of crazy.

You cant be throwing

yourself around like that.

Oh, he doesn't speak, at all.

We've taken him to a bunch of

specialists. They insist nothing's wrong...

...that hell talk when he's ready.

So until then-

Well, I hope he's wearing a cup.

Boy just-

This is Carrie. She's

our little cheerleader.

Hey, Carrie, I wanna

introduce you to someone.

This is Big Momma. She's

gonna be our new nanny.

Hi. Mommy...

...can you please help me with my routine?

Why, babe? You're doing great.

Id get everything

pointy out of the room.

...is going through a bit of a phase.

Well, like this, for example.

She never used to lock her door.

- Well, I could bust it down if you want.

- Oh, no. That's all right.

A couple of months ago, she started hanging

out with this new group of friends...

...including this boy, Chad,

who, lets just say...

...would not be our favorite.

Damn.

- Molly now prefers a... A

free- Flow living environment.

Well, at some point,

this flow backed up.

This is Big Momma. She's gonna

be our new nanny. Big Momma...

- This used to be Molly.

- Molly, yes.

Did somethin die in here?

Yeah, probably. Listen,

Mom, I was studying.

- So if you guys could please

go... Anything to get rid of me.

Mom, you always do this. I swear to God

I was on my bed with my history book.

- I was studying.

- Okay, okay. I'm gonna go.

- Bye.

- Okay.

You weren't studyin'... And

you weren't on that bed.

- I totally was.

- No.

You were sitting at the computer.

And your history book is over there...

...by that nasty egg salad sandwich,

which explains the smell.

Watch it, girl. There's

a new sheriff in town.

Here we are.

Ooh!

This is my room? Oh, Big Momma done died

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