Big Momma's House

Ready?

FBI.

- Throw that piece of sh*t in there.|- No, wait.

Sit down and shut up, you old fool.

Ten thousand.

- On... bug-eye boy.|- What?!

Big balls, huh? Big cojones, huh?

- I'll take that bet.|- Ready? And fight!

Y'all never heard of Soul, Korea?

- FBl! Everybody freeze.|- Don't move.

- John!|- A little help down here, please?

No doubt. Are you all right?

I'm just takin' a bath|with Old Yeller down here.

Could you open the cage? I'm a married man.|I'm not used to this much attention.

Satellite TV and a six-pack|do not a full life make.

You gotta understand. I'm not like you.

On the street, I gotta keep it simple.

You know what I mean? I can't have|a family and home out there distracting me.

That's funny.|I couldn't be out there without it.

OK. We've got a live one, people.|Conference room in five.

Oh, Malcolm. Didn't recognise you|with the make-up off. Got the Michaels file?

- Got it.|- Good. Bring it here.

I'm just sayin', on the street I can't have|no distractions. I gotta be ready for anything.

- Nice.|- You too grown for this sh*t, man.

A prison escape leaves one man dead.

Lester Vesco,|serving a life sentence formurder,

has escapedfrom a federalpenitentiary.

He is seen here on security cameras|robbing the Century Union Bank.

- Vesco is extremely dangerous.|- Oh, my God.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

You know, how would you like|to go on a little vacation?

- I don't know. We've never been on one.|- How fast can you get ready?

Ready.

Well, you look ready to me.

Grab your medicine.

Got your seat belt on?

- Yup.|- Let's roll.

Lester Vesco. Not a nice man, people.

Two years ago, he robbed a bank,|popped a guard and the bank manager

and walked out with two million|in cash and bearer bonds.

We got him, but the money|was never recovered.

Twelve hours ago, he killed a prison doctor

and drove out the front gate|in the man's Volvo. Very creative.

- What about the girl from the robbery?|- Lester's girlfriend. Sherry Pierce.

Never convicted. Worked in the bank.

So she gives him access to the vault,

cries on the stand|and walks away with two million large.

Exactly. But we never proved it.

She's pretty smart.|Keeps a low profile, works two shitjobs.

Now it looks like she's in the wind.

So we find her,|we find Lester, we find the money.

- What about this stepbrother in Oakland?|- You and Gallagher take it.

- Get some warrants. Set up a surveillance.|- Great. Malcolm and I can stay here

and hit the phones.

No, no, I've got something special|planned for you two.

Sherry's got a long-lost grandmother|in Cartersville, Georgia.

And who knows, Malcolm? Maybe you'll find|an Armani outlet - by the Piggly Wiggly.

That's all, people.

- There's Big Momma.|- What a classic scene.

Genteel old lady, pruning her roses.

Lord, I done told Sadie about this dog.

Let me catch you here again|and I'll barbecue some hot dog!

- Got it.|- You know what, man?

Erskine and Stoner probably caught|that girl Sherry two days ago.

They just wanted us to sit here|pickin' ticks off our asses.

Nobody's tried to kill you for days.|The stress must be overwhelming.

I'm just here to catch a bad guy.|If it goes down hard, so be it.

If we could get in to plant the surveillance|equipment, we wouldn't be stuck here.

Hey, what do we have here?

Must be one ofthose Southern traditions.|Exchanging baked goods in the street.

Nah, you bring them over.|That's how you meet the new neighbours.

Oh, man.

- Where are you going?|- While she's out, I'll set the surveillance.

Stall 'em.

- Stall them?|- Trust me.

- Malcolm!|- Four and a half minutes.

- Well, how-dee, ladies.|- Hello, neighbour.

Welcome to Maple Drive.|We hope you will come to love...

Oh, shut up and give the man|your dry old Bundt cake so I can go home.

You'll have to excuse Hattie Mae.|Her stomach's not feelin' too good.

I'm Miss Patterson

and this is Miss Other Patterson.

We call her that because she's from|a whole different set of Pattersons.

- My name's John.|- John what?

- Patterson! lsn't that a weird coincidence?|- Yes, it is.

Maybe we're all related.

I used to be married, but not any more.

Oh, Lord. Is she with Jesus?

No. Actually, Jesus,|I think, is how he pronounces it.

He was the gardener.

I caught him spreadin' fertiliser|in the bedroom, ifyou know what I mean.

'Scuse me, honey.|Here's your corn bread. I got to go.

No, you can't! Ladies, it was really a pleasure.

Wait. You can't leave.

Where's this great Southern hospitality I've|heard about, Hattie Mae? lf I can call you that.

I was hoping we could sit in the front porch|and shuck corn, shoot squirrels...

Boy, you ain't right. Did somebody|hook you up to ajumper cable?

When I say I got to go, move - I got to go.

Wait!

I'm not crazy, just a little lonely.|We could spend some quality time together.

Say, you know what I do|when I have an upset stomach?

I jog. Yes! Come on!

It's good when you got the runs.|Come on, me and you around the block.

Listen, either I can go around you, or|I can go through you. Whichever you decide.

Fine.

Sh*t!

- You cannot go in there.|- You're sayin' I can't go in my own house?

No, I'm telling you, you cannot go in there|without giving me a big

Southern welcome.

That's it. A little sugar on it.

If you want a second helping, let me know.

- Cos I got two knees!|- No, I'm good. God bless ya.

- Cos I got to go.|- Yeah. Thanks for the corn bread.

Jesus, let me just make it to the bathroom|before I lose my bowels all over myself.

Jesus.

Will I make it?

Have mercy, Lord.

Those stewed prunes!

They just goin' right straight through me.

I done seen a lot of scary sh*t in my day,

but damn - that was a lotta ass.

I think I need a splint or somethin'.

Just... I'll be all right.

"Dr Green. Wilshire Paediatrics."

Here we go.

God.

Miss it. Miss it.

Think you can throw me off my sh*t?

I'm in the zone.

100 dollars. Come on.

- That sh*t don't count.|- What do you mean?

- You were in my grill.|- 100 bucks, man.

Who could be callin' her at this time of night?

Trussy! Howya do...

Oh, Lord. William's in the hospitalagain?

I'll be there. I'm prepared.|I can staya week or two weeks...

She's leavin', man. Now's our chance|to tap the phones. Come on.

- Driver, please get me to the bus station.|- Yes, ma'am.

I gotta go and help my friend out|for a couple ofweeks.

Over here.

Jesus!

Back up off me.

- Sorry.|- Hello. This is Hattie Mae Pierce.

Go on, leave me a little message. As soon as|I getback, I'll give you a shout. Godbless.

Big Momma? It's Sherry.

Surprised, huh?

Listen, I was taking a little vacation

and I was headed in your direction,

and I thought maybe I'd stop in and check|on you since I haven't seen you in a while.

But itlooks like you're nothome,|so I'll see you on the next trip.

No!

- We lost her.|- No! Look...

And, Big Momma, I just want you to know...

I knowit's been a long time|since we've talked, but...

I really do love you|and miss you verymuch.

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