Big Momma's House Page #2

Praise the Lord.

It's my baby Sherry!

Big Momma, you're there!

Hi!

Yes, I'm here, honey child,|lamb chop, sugar foot.

Hang up.

I know things haven't been so great|between us these past couple ofyears,

and I just want you to know

that your place is the only place|that's ever really felt like home for me.

And I can't wait to see you|and llove you verymuch.

Well, I'm...

I'm glad it felt like a home to you, Sherry.

You hurry home, then. All right?

And I'm gonna make sure that I lock you up

so you don't get away from me ever again.

- Bye, Big Momma.|- OK, Sherry. Bye-bye.

- What the hell did you just do?|- Kept us in play.

If Big Momma's not here, she'll leave,|and then we have no case.

Don't worry.

Big Momma'll be here.

Hello. This is Hattie Mae Pierce.

Hello. This is Hattie Mae Pierce.

Hello. This is Hattie Mae Pierce.

All right, Trent.|Mind your manners. No back talk.

And remember... Look at me.

And remember that our business|is our business.

They're here. Now here's the earpiece.

If anybody asks, tell them|it's your new hearing aid.

How do I look?

If I were an 85-year-old man|with cataracts and a bad hip,

- I'd take a run at you.|- Man, shut up.

Big Momma? We're here.

Lord!

- Look what the wind done blew my...|- Hi.

Damn, you fine...

Sherry, you changed.

Me? Look at you, Big Momma!|I hardly recognise you.

Child, that's only make-up.

Now come on over here|and give your Big Momma a great big hug.

It's so good to see you, Big Momma.

- I thought you'd forgotten all about me.|- Hush your mouth, child.

- Big Momma could never forget that ass.|- What?!

Ma. Asthma.

Remember you had asthma?

I remember it like it was yesterday.

You used to puff and wheeze|somethin' wicked.

I said "Sherry, are you all right?"|You said...

Oh, damn. Big Momma gettin' light-headed.

Wait a second.|Maybe we should take you upstairs.

Bless your little asthmatic heart.

- Who's he?|- Oh, Big Momma. That's Trent, my son.

You haven't seen him since he was a baby.

Oh, yeah. Trent!

Hi, Trent.

- Say hi.|- I should've known just by lookin' at him.

Look at that nappy little grapefruit head.

You know, it runs in the family.|Grapefruit heads.

Your granddaddy had a big-ass head.

The hotel out by the freeway had a pool.

- Sweetheart...|- He's a quick little one, isn't he?

- Yeah.|- They grow up so fast,

what with the colour television an' all.

But he'll come to find Big Momma|pretty quick herself.

- I'm starving.|- Are y'all hungry?

- Actually, we are pretty hungry.|- Come on in. I'm here to take care ofy'all.

Come on, Sherry. Come on in.

- Sherry, let me get this bag for you.|- Oh, no, Big Momma. I got it.

You can take mine.

You are somethin'. Isn't he?

You're gonna love Big Momma's cooking.

Think it's gonna be windy today.|There's a draught.

There we go.

See, Sherry, I like to make sure

that my food is properly lubricated.

It goes down easier that way.

Oh, my God. He's gonna kill her.|This guy can't even make toast.

Let's see what's in there to cook now.

We got some pork chops,

turkey necks...

Child, you like these?

One for me...

Well, I'm probably not gonna eat them,|but you can have mine. All right, Sherry?

Now, Sherry,

sit back, watch andlearn.

Malcolm, I don't know how to tell you this...|but your face is falling off!

Big Momma? Are you OK?

- Where's that pot?|- I'm gonna go and start setting the table.

Yeah, you do that, Sherry. Where's that pot?

Malcolm!

What are you doin' over there?

- What are you doin'?|- Take it easy!

Big Momma,|I think you just had a Peeping Tom.

That's all right, child.|I get them all the time.

You do your housework in the nude|and it tends to attract the wrong element.

Nothin' like a little excitement|to get the bloodgoin'.

While lfix dinner,

tell me what brings you|to Big Momma's house after all these years.

Well, we were just on a little vacation.

Middle ofthe night seems|a funny time to go on vacation.

I thought you might have been in trouble.

- How did you know we left at night?|- I didn't.

No, no.

- Big Momma, are you OK?|- Oh, yeah.

Ain't nothin' but some scaldin' pork grease.

- Here. Let's dry you off.|- So what about it, child?

You in trouble? ls there something|you wanna tell Big Momma?

Big Momma, is that duct tape on your face?

Oh, dear! The duct tape.

I guess you're wonderin'|why I got the duct tape.

- It's a beauty secret.|- Really?

Yes. You never used duct tape|to get rid ofthem unsightly hairs?

- No.|- It works particularly well on the bikini area.

- Really?|- No doubt, girl.

The pork chops are on fire.

Big Momma, here!

Who's ready to eat?

We could always run down|to Ring-A-Ding Burger.

Get him a Smiley Meal.

Oh, no, Big Momma. This...

This looks great.

Well, then, eat up. Take you a big old forkful.

Watch it. The plate's hotnow.

I hope I didn'tput too much seasoning salt.

- Would you like me to get that for you?|- No. I got it, Sherry.

Who could it be at this time of night?

Just a second!

I wonder who this could be,

surprisin' me this time of evening.

I say, I wonder who could be|at my door so late at night.

There's my sugar.

You'd better put that nasty-ass tongue|back in your mouth before I rip it out.

Yes, ma'am. My mouth is closed.

But these hands is open for business.

Big Momma, who was it?

Oh, that's just a Bible salesman.

- Sherry, let's go back and finish supper.|- You can run, but you can't hide.

Oh, I'm sorry. Ben Rawley's the name.

- Pleased to meet you.|- Sherry.

- Big Momma, you didn't say you had a man.|- Child, I ain't got no man.

Why, she got every man in town|sniffin' round like dogs.

- I do?|- Do I smell some greens?

- Yeah, come on in. There's plenty.|- Oh, no!

Now, Ben, you know you can't eat no greens.

Greens give you gas somethin' wicked.

Last time I had Ben over for greens,|I had to re-wallpaper.

- Ben, let me show you to your car.|- Wait a minute!

You look different.

- Different?|- You know, I said the same thing.

That face and those eyes. You've changed.

- Changed?|- Yes, ma'am.

You're gettin' younger every day.

Sherry, say good night to Mr Rawley.

Good night. Nice to meet you.

Take it easy, Hattie.

Who the hell do you think you are?

Comin' up here, tryin' to put your|nasty-ass lips on me. I am not street booty.

I will not be treated like street poontang!

Ben, ifyou wanna get with me...

I mean... you will never|get with me! Understand?

And even if I was interested,|which I definitely am not,

you be goin' about it the wrong way.

- How am I supposed to go about it?|- You don't come in a woman's house

and lead with your shaboink-boink!

Women don't respond to that.

I should've bought you somethin'.|Like a corsage.

This ain't no damn prom.

Ben, you gotta bring a woman|somethin' special.

Somethin' that means it's from your heart.

Come on. You's a OG, aren't you?

You's a fake one,|but you's probably a OG, huh?

All right, well, get it together.

- Thanks, Hattie, baby.|- Good. Get your ass outta here.

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