Big Momma's House Page #3

Oh, and that seersucker suit?

Sherry made a call today. Who was it?

A Dr Green in Los Angeles.|A refill on the kid's allergy prescription.

She's done nothing to try and contact Lester.

Well, she will. And when she does,

- we'll be there to catch her.|- That's right.

Superfly!

You know?

You wanna give me those,|or have you grown too attached to 'em?

"Prescription called in for Trent Pierce."

"Hafarth's Pharmacy, Cartersville, Georgia."

I know what you're up to.

You think you're nickel slick,|but I got your penny change.

What you talkin'?|I'm just takin' in a little air.

You can't fool an old fool.|Sadie's got it all figured out.

Look, you old bat, this is a federal...

The man ain't been here for two days|and you all over him.

Oh! You think me and the white...|No, I don't get down like that.

Are you drinkin' that corn liquor?|Are you sippin' on the yak?

Maybe I have. But somethin's goin' on.

I got my eye on you two.

What a day. What a damn day.

Big Momma, someone's here to see you.|They say it's an emergency.

Emergency? What kind of emergency?

Your...

Oh, that.

Child, when you get to be my age,|they're like yard dogs.

If you don't put 'em on a leash,|they'll just roam all over the neighbourhood.

- Big Momma, you gotta come out here quick.|- What you talkin'?

- Big Momma, it's time.|- Time for what?

Ritha's gonna have her baby.

Oh. That's great. Thank you for stoppin' by.

Be sure to send me an invitation|to the baby shower.

Her water broke comin' back from the movie.|The baby's due any minute.

- And you got to deliver it.|- Excuse me?

- You're the midwife, aren't you?|- Midwife?

Big Momma!

- What are you doing?|- Screamin'!

I find that it calms the spirit.

Matter offact, let's all scream.

Good. See? It works.

It's notlike... I don'tknow whatl'm doin'.

Take it easy. I've called the paramedics.

Just stall, and then get out ofthe way|when they get there. OK?

All right. Excuse me, darlin'.

Let's close these, OK? You don't want|your business wavin' all in the air.

Oh, no! Don't!

- I said close 'em!|- They don't close!

Well, then, maybe that's how|you got this way in the first place!

- Get this baby out of me!|- Where is she?

- Just breathe, sweetie.|- Thank God you're here.

Listen, child. You do|what the paramedic says. OK?

Big Momma gonna be in the kitchen...|bakin' up a storm.

- Bakin'?|- Paramedic?

Nolan is a security guard|at the lumberyard.

Head security guard. I got two men|and three dogs workin' up under me.

How you doin'? I'm Nolan, Ritha's brother.

- Paramedics? ls something wrong?|- No!

I knew it. I told you this senile old hag|was gettin' too old to be doin' this.

Who are you callin' senile?|You wanna step outside?

Look, I took CPR.|Can't be too much harder than that.

Damn! That's a baby.

Will you shut up, please?|Big Momma can handle this. Get outta here!

Big Momma's here, darlin'. Don't worry.

OK, now. Nolan, get your chunky ass in gear|and find me some hot water.

Lena, I need towels. Lots oftowels.

- Towels.|- Now somebody get me some lard.

Preferably Crisco.

We got a baby about to slide into the world.

- Hold my hand, Big Momma.|- Hold her hand.

Hold my hand! Hold my hand!

OK, you're doin' good.

I'm doin' good.

What they need Crisco for?

They use Crisco for everything here.

I can't breathe.

What the hell are you doing?

- I saw this in a movie once.|- Stop, Big Momma!

- Here are the tongs.|- Is that sterilised?

Oh, yeah. I used WD-40|and some Easy Off on it.

Big Momma, we're not frying a chicken!

Give me this plunger.

Here we go.

- Look at the head.|- I see something.

- The head?|- I don't know. I'm lookin', it's lookin' back!

For God's sake.

Big Momma, what you doin' now?

I don't think you need those, Big Momma.

Hold your breath.

It's a girl!

Oh, Lord!

Ritha, it look like Leroy.

Thank you, Big Momma.

Look at her.

She's somethin' else.

Gimme my baby.

That's a baby.

Good night, Big Momma.

Let me tell you...

Big Momma, you were amazing.

Oh, thank you, child.

- I wonder what they'll name him.|- I don't know.

If it was a boy, they could have named it,|like... Requan or Trevon.

- Trevon is cute.|- You think that?

But it's a girl. You gotta pick a girl name.

Shaniqua.

- You don't like that?|- Come on now, Big Momma.

It should be a biblical name, right?

- Something beautiful like that.|- That's right.

Big Momma, do you remember this?

Oh, my word!

Yes.

- Here.|- Sherry, no. No, I couldn't, Sherry.

Big Momma, I just wanna make sure that|if I ever have to go away for a long time

you have something to remember me by.

Well, all right.

And I know it's a little tarnished, but it's|gotten me through some pretty tough times.

Tough times? Sounds like a man's involved.

Somethin' like that.

Sherry, you know that old boyfriend|you had, who got in trouble?

Whatever happened to him?

Oh, Big Momma, that's such a long story.

I'd better go check on Trent.

- You need anything?|- I'm fine. Thank you, honey.

- Sit out here and catch my breath.|- OK. I understand.

Sh*t!

Who are you?

- Excuse me?|- Who are you?

Oh, me? I'm sorry.

Sometimes I just get so caught up|in my work that I forget things and...

I'm Malcolm. Hi. How are you?

Big Momma asked me to come by and fix...

- At 5.45 in the morning?|- No doubt.

I'm an electrician. You know?

Sh*t!

You're not really an electrician, are you?

No. No, I'm the...

You got me. I am busted.

I didn't go to electrical college,|if that's what you mean.

But I'm a handyman.|Yeah, handyman's my thing.

- What are you doing?|- How you doin', man?

Wait a minute.

Trent?

How did you know his name?

Big Momma been braggin'|all over town about you.

- She has not.|- Yes, she has.

"Trent's so smart.|Trent's so cute. Trent knows karate."

- I know a little bit.|- That's what I'm talkin' about.

Show me a little bit ofyour moves.

I'd love to show him.|Don't worry. I won't hurt him.

What the hell is he doing?

- Trent, baby, be careful.|- You're kinda quick.

Let me show you what I got.|Which way I'm comin'?

OK, itjust got serious.

Honey, careful.

- Trent, honey, you cannot be that rough.|- You're only a pre-teen.

Why don't you come inside now|and let this man finish his work?

- See you later, Trent.|- Bye.

I used to take a little karate myself.

OK, I'm gonna go inside now.

I'll come back and check on you in a while|just to make sure you haven't killed yourself.

I appreciate it.

You blew your cover.

John, ifyou was thinkin' straight,

you'd realise Malcolm's our best shot|for crackin' this case.

Sherry ain't never gonna|tell her grandmother about Lester.

Hurry up, man. She's leaving.

I'll search the house while you're gone.

Sherry?

Where are you offto?

I'm dropping Trent offto play basketball.

And then... I'm just gonna|go into town for a little bit.

OK. Well, good. I'll go with you.|I need to do some shopping anyway.

- No!|- Trent, move over.

This ass here could do some serious damage.

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