Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey Page #3

Come to Oatsie!

I want one right on the lips!

- There's only one way out!

- Right. We gotta play the Reaper!

Choose your game.

But if you lose...

...you will stay here in Hell...

...forever.

D-1.

Miss.

B...

...3.

Miss.

C-6.

Hit.

- Dude...

- I know.

J-7.

J-7...

Hit.

A hit. You have sunk my battleship.

Excellent!

- I knew he put it in the J's.

- Good thinking.

You must play me again.

- What?!

- Best two out of three.

No way!

Yes way.

- What's he doing?

- I don't know.

I believe...

...Col. Mustard did it

in the study with the candlestick.

Sorry, Death. You lose.

It was Professor Plum.

- I said "Plum."

- No way. You said "Mustard!"

Can we go back now?

Best three out of five.

I don't believe this guy.

- Best of seven?

- Damn right!

Right hand, green.

Left hand, red.

Right foot, green.

Right foot...

Well?

I will...

...take you back.

- You played very well.

- Especially with your heavy robes.

Don't patronize me.

Whatever. You got a lot

to learn about sportsmanship.

This way.

Now we can save the babes.

But, Bill, how will we fight

those other usses?

They're totally stronger than us.

And way smarter.

Plus, they already killed us once.

One minute, duder!

If we were good human usses and we had

to fight two evil robot usses...

...what would we do?

- Make good robot usses?

Good thinking, dude!

Excuse us.

- Excuse me, Death?

- Oh, now what?

Could you take us to someone

who could help us?

You have beaten me.

I am at your command.

Cool!

This way.

- Ted.

- What?

Don't fear the Reaper.

I heard that.

This is most atypical.

Welcome to Heaven.

I'm sure I'll enjoy it.

Thank you.

Through there.

Welcome to Heaven.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

"Only the most serene and enlightened

souls shall gain audience."

Dude, we're in big trouble.

I think I have an idea.

Wise dudes.

Can we ask you a question?

Right this way, please.

We're in Heaven,

and we just mugged three people.

We better leave

before we ruin it for everybody.

Come on, Death.

You look great, dude.

You think so?

You do.

Shut up.

- Come on, dude.

- It's not funny.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

How did I end up in this situation?

How's it going?

What is the meaning of life?

Every rose has its thorn

Just like every night has its dawn

Just like every cowboy

Sings a sad, sad song

Every rose has a thorn

Don't I know you?

No.

So, God, as if you didn't know...

...we're not the three wise people

you might have thought we were.

We mugged three people and took

their clothes. Sorry.

- I'm Bill S. Preston.

- I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.

Together, we are Wyld Stallyns!

This lovely lady is the Grim Reaper.

He brought us when we

challenged him and won.

First, congratulations on Earth!

It's a most excellent planet.

- We enjoy it on a daily basis.

- Not to mention your other planets.

Mars, Jupiter, Uranus.

But the point is, we died.

Most unfairly.

But we won the chance to come back.

We gotta construct something

to save the women we love.

And there's not a lot of time.

So we were wondering...

...could you help us

find somebody to help us?

Station.

We were thinking along the lines...

...of maybe a scientist or something.

Cool.

Thanks, God.

Yeah. You're a just and noble creator.

- We'll be going now.

- Keep up the good work.

Catch you later, God.

Sorry. They melvined me.

All right, upside-down cake!

- Hey, Evil Ted.

- What?

We're out of dishes.

Check this out.

Not bad, E.T.

Let me try.

You totally didn't see the fan.

Tell my body to get over here

and get me!

That's all right. I'll get you.

Got your head, dude.

I'm totally gonna tackle you, dude.

- Touchdown for Evil Ted!

- We're total headbangers.

Come on. There you go.

Stop wasting time.

Proceed with the plan now.

Okay, dude.

What do you say

we trash their relationships?

I hate them.

I hate the robot versions of them.

You made us, dude.

Looks like this is the place.

Now all we gotta do

is find that scientist.

- What kind of name is Station?

- I don't know.

Must be some kind of future guy.

Okay, how many syllables?

Is it a play or a song or...?

It's something big.

My money's on Einstein.

That's Station?

Did you assume

the most brilliant scientist...

...in the universe

would be from Earth?

Yeah.

Movies?

- Nine words.

- Good, Mr. Franklin.

Fire? Cigarettes?

- Clouds, clouds.

- Smoke?

Butch and Sundance: The Early Years.

- Death!

- Sorry.

Smokey and the Bandit III.

Smokey is the bandit!

Excuse us. Martians?

First, my friend,

Bill and I congratulate you...

...on a well-played round of charades.

You've been referred to us...

...as the most brilliant scientists

in the universe.

Would you help us build

good robot usses...

...to save two princesses

from bad robot usses?

Sounds good, Station.

Let's rock, Death.

- We're alive.

- Yeah.

But I think a buzzard

was pecking at my head.

Dinner's over, worm-dude.

You guys okay?

Where's Death?

You okay, dude?

I'm fine.

First, we go back to town

and clean up.

Second, we warn the princesses.

Third, we buy stuff

to build good robot usses.

Let's go.

What? What?

Here, kitty, kitty!

Here, kitty, kitty!

There's one, dude!

Just missed, dude.

Dude, we're there.

Okay. I got an idea.

How's it going, lady humans?

Okay, this is Builders Emporium...

...a repository for electronics

and robot materials.

Get what you need to make metal usses.

- Ready for the big night?

- No! We're not going.

I think you guys

should stop right there.

Catch you later, future wife.

Evil breath!

Who are you?

Well, you see...

Come on.

- Any luck?

- They're not at our place or theirs.

I'll try your dad's.

Maybe they went to talk to Missy.

Logan residence.

Evil Bill S. Preston,

Esquire, speaking.

It's them! They're back from the dead.

We get to kill them again.

Excellent!

See you real soon.

- But this time we're ready for you!

- Yeah!

We can be ready for them too.

Good luck getting

in the concert, losers!

- Initiate the final plan.

- You got it, great one.

Do not fail me.

Metallic buffoons.

- That other me is a dick.

- Yeah.

I hope the Stations

know what they're doing.

Station! What are you doing?

Dudes! This is no time

to be playing games!

That one's me, right?

Not bad.

How's it going, Good Robot Bill?

How's it doing?

Kate Axelrod for KJM...

... reporting live from

the San Dimas Auditorium.

We're rocking at

the Battle of the Bands.

So stay tuned and hold tight

until we find out...

... who will be your winner.

Ready? You're up.

Where are the girls?

- Hanging from the rafters.

- We'll kill them at the finale.

Good luck, gentlemen.

Check it out.

Not bad.

Let's hear it for Primus!

- Are they ready?

- Station.

Excellent work, dude.

- What about me? I made the wigs.

- Okay, Death.

I helped do the shopping.

I pushed the cart.

- Do they work like we asked?

- Station.

You're a most excellent scientist.

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