Blackadder's Christmas Carol Page #5

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and all-round softy Ebenezer Blackadder?

- Well Mr Blackadder lives here.

- Ah, das ist gut.

Because we have a wunderbar secret.

What secret?

If I told you we're going to give him

an enormous fortune for being so generous,

then it would no longer be a secret.

Dem, I'm so stupid! Dem!

- What would no longer be a secret?

- We are Queen Victoria.

What? All three of you?

My dear little hobgoblin, here is our Royal Seal.

We have come

to present your master with 50,000

and the title of Baron Blackadder

for being the kindest man in England.

Lumme, Your Majesty.

Baldrick, what did I tell you I'd do if you didn't

slam the door on these scrounging loafers?

But, Mr Blackadder... Ow!

I'm not at home to guests.

I flatter myself we are rather special guests, sir.

Of course, I must apologise.

One rarely receives a Christmas visit

from two such distinguished guests.

Ah, so you recognise us at last.

Yes, unless I'm mistaken, you're the winner

of the Round Britain Shortest,

Fattest, Dumpiest Woman Competition.

And to be accompanied

by the winner of this year's

Stupidest Accent Award

is really quite overwhelming.

- I cannot believe...

- Cork it, fatso.

This is the Victorian age, where,

apart from Queen Piglet Features herself,

women and children are to be seen and not heard.

Queen Piglet Features!

Yes! Empress Oink, as lads call her.

The only person in the kingdom

who looks dafter than her

is that stupid frankfurter of a husband.

The Pig and the Prig we call them.

How they ever managed to produce

their 112 children is beyond me.

The bedchambers of Buckingham Palace

must be copiously supplied with blindfolds.

Sir, we've never been so insulted in our lives!

Well all I can say is, you've been damned lucky.

Ah, Baldrick, this is excellent, excellent.

All the riff-raff and the spongers dealt with

and gargantuan quantities of tuck to be gobbled.

Here, have a wishbone. What do you wish?

I wish there was some meat on this.

Those last two were particularly satisfying.

It felt like having a go

at the real Queen and Prince Albert.

It was the real Queen and Prince Albert.

Don't be ludicrous, Baldrick.

What would the Queen be doing here?

She come to visit you to reward you

for being the nicest man in England

by giving you 50,000

and the title of Baron Blackadder.

It couldn't have been the Queen

because when she visits people,

she leaves her Royal Seal.

- What? Like this one?

- Yes, just like that...

Blackadder, Blackadder

Dee dum, dee dum, dee dum

Blackadder, Blackadder

Dee rum, ti tum, ti tum

Blackadder, Blackadder

Dee rum, ti tum, ti tum

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