Blackbeard's Ghost Page #3

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Aldetha done it.

"Beware," cried me shipmates.

"Sheer off. That girl,

she be a true witch".

And I paid no heed.

Oh, Aldetha.

To do that to your legal

spoke husband. Oh!

The story is,

Blackbeard had her burned.

Burned? I never

put a taper to her. Never.

Oh, I own that down in the horse

latitudes, on a dull day...

I might've keel-hauled a wife or two,

or else walked one off the end

of a plank, yes.

But I never did it for spite.

Funny thing about me.

Never did it for spite.

I might've done it out of, uh, jest...

to keep the spirit

of me shipmates up.

And now to real business.

Where'd you stow it?

- What? What?

- Your rum.

- I don't drink.

- Don't drink?

Ship's stores.

Have to seek succor there.

Ah, Mrs Stowecroft,

your humble servant. Servant.

A bottle of rum

No glasses are left

I'll drink from the bottle

with you, sir

You don't know

what you're missing, son.

- She didn't see you.

- Aye?

- She didn't even hear you.

- Oh, why should she?

I'm a kind of a ghost, you know.

In limbo, caught twixt

this world and the next...

beholden to that spell

which brings me to your eyes only.

You mean, no one can see you

except me?

That's about the shape of it, son.

And that's why I'll be sailing

alongside of you, see?

Wheresoever thou goest,

there also will I go.

So let's drink to that. Are you sure

you don't want to freshen your spleen?

Now, let's get one thing straight!

I want nothing to do with you!

I'm go...

I'm gonna go to bed...

and you can go back into the woodwork

or wherever it is you came from!

Belay that tongue! One thing

old Blackbeard don't take kindly to...

it's them sort of "insinuendos".

Come to think of it, I don't care

for the cut of your jib, neither.

If I were to lay this course,

I'd choose myself a companion...

a hearty companion,

with a little blood on his sleeve...

and a predilection

for rum, for song...

and for the occasional wench.

But what have I got? Hmm?

I've got a shindly little beanrake.

- Now, wait!

- Yes, I have. With the shakes

and the whimpers.

- What do you mean the sh-shakes and...

- Doesn't even want to join me

in a drink.

We're stuck with one another,

you and I.

The cruise may well be a long one,

so you'd better make the best of it.

And I take this opportunity

of bidding you a very good night.

Hey! Hey, wait a minute!

Get off of my bed!

- Your bed?

- My bed!

"My bed"? I captured it from a Portugee

trader at the sack of Cartagena!

- I spitted him clean and sweet

against the headboard! - Well, I...

Don't rush me.

There it is.

There's your Portugee,

what's left of him.

Well, if you think

I'm gonna sleep on the floor,

you've got another thing coming!

Oh, well then, welcome aboard

and drop your hook.

Devil is the man whoever said

that old Teach was inhospitable.

All I ask is to be able

to get to sleep, because I know...

because I know that when I wake up

tomorrow morning, none of this

will have ever happened.

Nine men... Down!

Oh, when nine and twenty Spanish lads

You pull it on the sheets, my boy

Up! The Jolly Roger!

Wind freshening, aye, Mr Bellamy.

El Portugee, it's your daughter

I'm after, senor, not your bed.

Don Mendoza, we meet again.

Pick up your weapon, sir.

Take my regards

to the king of Spain!

Bellamy! Oh!

That's it!

That is absolutely it!

Figment of my imagination

or no figment, he can have his room.

He can have his bed!

I don't need it.

I'm going to the Ye Jolly Roger Motel

where the salesmen go.

Well, nothing like a little fresh air

to straighten you out.

For a while there, I almost

believed there was a pirate.

Oh, no. You're back! Right?

That be about

the measure of it, lad.

I fear there's no way of being rid

of dear old Blackbeard.

Well, that's great.

That is just great!

I couldn't have an ordinary ghost

on my hands! I got a rummy!

- A big, ugly, booze-soaked rummy!

- Hold on there!

There be no call to put the fuddler's

name on your new-found shipmate.

Uh, look, lad...

I've been very lonely, see.

I'm just an old hulk,

wrecked on a lee shore.

All my shipmates gone,

no one to listen to me no more.

You don't care for me,

that's plain as print.

- Shut up, will ya? Shut up.

Ju-Ju-Just shut up.

- Aye. Aye, aye.

You wouldn't have such a thing

as an handkerchief...

- on your person, would you?

- I don't have a handkerchief.

- Oh, you must, do you?

- Keep your hands to yourself!

No!

What manner of craft

be this we're cruisin' in?

- What?

- This craft.

- Oh. It's an automobile.

- Aye?

- An automobile!

- Oh, is it? Yes, "automotonees".

- Yes, "autosomonees".

- Hey, sit down!

It's propelled by some kind of animal

under the hatch, is it?

No, it isn't! Sit down now.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

- I've a mind to have a hand at the helm.

- Well, you've got another mind coming!

- You're gonna kill us, you idiot!

- Take your hands off the spokes...

or I'll bend a marlinspike

around your loaf!

- I'll take that wheel.

- I haven't finished my turn yet.

- Wait!

- Get away from there! It's my turn.

- Get your hands off the wheel!

- Feels like a weather helm, don't it?

- I'll show her who's master!

- No! No, no! No, no! No, no!

No, no, no!

- We're in the breakers, boy!

- Get out!

Back the main braces!

Stand by to wear ship now!

Take your foot off of my gas!

- Look out!

- Read about. Hard alee. Hard alee.

Avast, ya lubber!

What are you doin' in the main channel?

Oh, no, not a policeman!

Let... Let go! Let go!

Look, I'll give you the wheel later.

Right now, I...

You've done it now,

you dumb ox!

Steer out of the whirlpool!

Man overboard!

Your driver's licence, please.

- Who's the popinjay?

- Will you stay out of this?

Well, Mr Walker, I see we've been out

getting our nose wet somewhere tonight.

It so happens, I don't drink.

And what is that

on the seat beside you?

- It looks like a bottle of rum.

- May I have it, please?

I believe you're right, Mr Walker.

It is a bottle of rum.

Let the swab

find his own rum, I say!

Will you give me this bottle and stop

maying a nuisance out of yourself?

I'll take charge of that bottle,

if you don't mind.

You let go of the bottle,

you idiot!

No need for epithets, Mr Walker.

I'm only trying to do my job.

I'm afraid destruction of the evidence

isn't going to help you any, Mr Walker.

Now this be the foulest crime of all...

wasting good spirits.

By thunder,

this raises me blood!

No, don't do it!

There's no need for you

to get emotional about this.

You've had the fun.

Now you can take the consequences.

All right, lad, all right.

I shan't harm him.

But this gentleman

needs a lesson in manners.

It's plain to see that you're

starting to come apart at the seams.

All itchy, twitchy,

talking to yourself.

- Cut it out, will you, Blackbeard?

- All right, get out of the car!

Hey, watch that thing! It's probably...

Hey, look out, will you!

Five balls in one load, mate.

Five!

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