Blackbeard's Ghost Page #5

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of the natives are saying...

on this here subject

of gambling, see?

- Go away! I mean it!

- Now, if there's been one

abiding passion in my life...

it's been the pleasure of gold

or silver coin upon a wager.

So when I heard that I could get 40 or...

listen to this... 50 to 1...

on the forthcoming enterprise

of your young rabbits...

- Ooh, with all that...

- What?

You want your lads to win, don't you?

I can teach you how to do it.

- Forget it!

- Why should I?

I was a good hand

at teaching young crews.

'Twas no accident, by thunder,

I was known as the finest pirate...

ever to sail the Spanish Main.

Or the Portugee Main either,

for that matter.

Now you'll be asking yourself

with some impatience, "Why was this?"

I'll tell you why.

I trained my men to win!

Win! Always win!

By fair means or foul,

by soft words and hard deeds...

by treachery, by cunning,

by malpractice...

but always win.

You mean you have the unmitigated brass

to ask me to let you train my team?

I'm not doing this for myself,

believe me. No.

I'm doing this for those

dear, sweet old ladies.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yes, I am.

The little lavender-scented ladies,

I like to call them...

that stagger up their rickety

staircases of the night...

their lanterns held aloft when the

lights got too bad for knitting by...

and say to one another,

"Ellen, where is our ship?"

Of which Blackbeard is captain.

"And which may never now

come to port at all".

Never mind the snow job!

I feel just as sorry for those old

women as you do, but that doesn't...

- No.

- Yes, I do. That doesn't give you leave

to put your bloody paws onto my team.

Now, you stay away from those boys,

you understand me?

If we win anything, which I doubt,

we're gonna do it without cheating.

Without cheating? Ha-ha!

You've never lived, boy.

You don't know what life is like.

Just go away! Go maroon

yourself somewhere, will ya?

- Let me help you.

- Go on! Go on!

You don't know what life is made of!

Little old things...

You see?

There he goes again.

Well, I don't know what his problem is.

But whatever it is, it's a beaut.

I take it your observations

so far have been inconclusive.

Well, I can't tell if he's

all keyed up over the track meet...

or if there are outside pressures

we don't know about.

L... Well, I just haven't been able

to get a close-range view.

- Pity.

- Oh, I am having dinner

with him tonight.

Ah, he asked you to have dinner?

Well, not exactly.

I asked him.

Do you think that's wise?

Well, it's entirely

within my discretionary power...

as head of the committee

to welcome new faculty and

students to Godolphin College.

Professor Baker,

we don't have any such committee.

- Well, we do now.

- Oh. Oh, yes.

Hello, Professor.

Nice to see you.

Mr Walker,

so we meet again.

- Looks that way.

- Tell you what.

Let me buy you a good lobster dinner.

Afterwards, we'll drop

into the back rooms and have

a whirl at lady luck, huh?

Well, thank you, but,

well, that's not likely.

Suit yourself. There's no harm

in asking, is there?

Leon, these are friends of mine.

See that they get a nice table.

Yes, sir.

This way, please.

Enjoy your dinner.

- What's he doing here?

- Mr Seymour owns this place.

I'm sorry, but it's

the best restaurant in town.

How's the action?

I can't tell you how much

I appreciate this.

- Appreciate what?

- Your suggesting dinner tonight.

That's perfectly all right.

The committee stands ready...

to advise, counsel, and extend a helping

hand to the newcomer at all times.

Yes, that's very nice. Actually,

I do need someone I can talk to.

I've had a problem

for a couple of weeks now...

and I've been afraid

to talk to somebody because...

they might think I was silly.

- Well, please go on.

- Thank you.

You see, it started

the night of the auction.

I sat down on the bed

to remove my shoes.

I was tired. I wasn't paying too much

attention to what I was doing...

and I sat right down

on that antique bed warmer.

- I broke the handle right off.

- Oh, well, you mustn't

let that bother you.

- Oh, no, it wasn't that.

- No, I-I think I have th-the address...

of a little shop down on Main Street

where we can get it fixed.

No, Professor, wait a minute.

Wow!

What's the matter?

Aren't you afraid to carry

all that around with you?

Oh, well, I'm... I hate

to leave it in the apartment.

I'm-I'm taking it

to the bank in the morning. It belongs

to the Daughters of the Buccaneers.

Oh, oh, yeah. The little old ladies

and their mortgage.

I hope they're gonna make it.

Mr Walker, this is only $900.

Unless $37,000 or a miracle,

preferably both...

turn up by tomorrow night,

midnight, those little ladies

are gonna lose their home.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Say, uh, can't you borrow

the money from the bank?

Well, not at the moment, but, uh,

then we were talking about your problem.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, my problem.

- Mr Walker?

- Yeah?

- Are we looking for somebody?

- Yes, my problem.

Look, I know your first inclination

is gonna be...

boy, is gonna be

not to believe this.

- Hear me out, please.

- Certainly.

Well, as I said, it was

the night of the auction.

- When I sat down on my bed warmer,

that's when he first appeared.

- He?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was because of him

I spent the first night in jail...

- and I haven't been able

to get him off my back yet.

- Well, is, uh, is he here now?

No, no, no, no.

I don't see him around now.

- But I smell him.

- Smell him?

Yes, he's got a breath

that would stun a horse.

He's a booze-guzzling old cutthroat,

and he's latched onto me

as his buddy-buddy.

Well, uh, does he have a name?

Well, I mean,

who does he claim to be?

Blackbeard's ghost.

- Blackbeard's ghost?

- Yeah.

Well, how can you be sure

he's the real Blackbeard's ghost,

the ghost of Captain Teach?

Well, you ought to see him.

He's got whiskers, he's got a cutlass,

he's got the whole bit.

- That must be who

I saw you talking to today.

- Yes, yes, yes.

That's what I've been

afraid to tell anybody.

I mean, they'd think I was nuts.

Oh, well, I don't think anybody

would think that.

But you certainly do have a problem.

- I've got a problem.

I've got a problem.

- Oh, yes, you...

- Will you order now, sir?

- Uh, yes, yes, thank you.

- Madame.

- Oh, thank you.

Our shore dinners

are very good this evening, sir.

Well, that sounds... sounds good to me.

How about you, Professor?

- Oh, the shore dinners

are excellent. Yeah, that's fine.

- Fine, fine. Uh, two shore dinners.

Very good, sir. Now, would you like

our special dressing on your salads?

- That's fine.

- Thank you.

- Oh, please, go on.

- Oh. Oh, are you sure you want me to?

- I mean, I don't want to bug

somebody else with my problems.

- Oh, no, no. I want to hear.

- Okay.

- Uh, you were telling me

how you first met Captain Blackbeard.

Right.

- Where was I?

- Well, you were sitting

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