Blackbeard's Ghost Page #7

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to do, kill yourself?

- Little late to think

about that, isn't it?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Let's get one thing straight

between you and me right now.

You're to keep your grubby paws

off of my boys. You understand that?

I don't know what you're trying to do

out there, but you are not gonna do it.

My team may not win out there,

but whatever they do...

they're gonna do it honestly.

Come on, Coach, will ya? We've

come in last in two events already.

Hands off. You got that?

"Come on, Coach, will ya? We've

come in last in two events already".

Another bean rake.

All right, play it whatever

way you like, ya puppy.

Get no help from me.

You'll come crawlin' back, you will.

I'll bring my boot to you,

and I'll grind your mealy-mouthed jib...

into the dirt!

I will.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's going just about as I predicted.

Broxton has won the first three events,

followed by Tidewater Tech and State...

and lastly,

little Godolphin College...

which has not scored

a single point...

nor, in my humble opinion,

seems likely to.

The discus throw. LJ Sewell of

Broxton College, the first contestant.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it looks like a new meet record!

In the discus throw,

Sewell of Broxton College...

210 feet and 11 inches.

Now, you're gonna do fine, Bagwell.

Just remember to let go

on the second turn, huh?

- Let go, second turn. Right, Coach.

- Okay.

Bagwell of Godolphin College

ready on the discus throw.

Oh, how I dread this.

Let go!

Bagwell, let go of the discus!

- Bagwell of Godolphin College fouls.

- You know, Dean,

this whole thing bugs me.

You take the profits made

by my football boys,

then go right out and blow it...

on sweat socks and stuff

for this crummy team.

- Excuse me.

- Would you be good enough to spare me

your usual soliloquy on sweat socks?

Mr Seymour, may I speak with you

for a moment, please?

Why, certainly, Professor, anytime.

Run along, fellas.

Now, Professor,

what can I do for you?

Well, yesterday, uh...

I shan't explain how, but...

$900 belonging to

the Daughters of the Buccaneers...

was bet on Godolphin.

Say, now.

So the bet was all your doing, huh?

Well, I... I was wondering...

if you would be kind enough to cancel

the bet and give us back the money?

Professor, as you know,

I'm a man of principle.

And man and boy, my guiding principle

has always been a bet's a bet.

But look at those poor old ladies.

What's gonna happen to them?

You know they have nowhere to go.

I've been thinking about

those dear old girls...

living in that drafty inn,

working their fingers to the bone...

living from hand to mouth...

cluttering up that valuable

piece of real estate.

Now, do they know about this?

Of course not.

I wouldn't dare raise false hopes.

Then you won't give it back?

Sweetness, what do you take me for?

Oh, Professor,

you'd better hold onto this.

That may become

very valuable someday.

I know your sort.

Ready for the start of the mile run.

Contestants will take their positions.

My great, great granddaughters.

By thunder!

There be a time for action!

Old ladies, Blackbeard's coming.

Up the Jolly Roger!

Well, let's see where we stand now.

The mile run is in its second lap.

Leading at the moment is Broxton.

Over at the high jump,

Shockley of Godolphin.

- What was that?

- Unusual jumping style there.

Hey, Coach, Shockley

just cleared 6' 11 "!

- Our Shockley?

- And they're trying for seven feet!

Shockley of Godolphin jumping.

- He clears the bar at seven feet.

- Great stuff, Coach.

Where did you find him?

Well, we never know, do we?

It only proves that nothing is certain

in the world of... Just a moment.

Here's the final lap

of the mile run coming around now.

- Where did you find him, Coach?

- Get out of there! Excuse me.

- You idiot! Get off the track!

- What's going on over here?

Hey, fella, come back here!

I don't need these, of course,

but just for a moment there...

it looked as though

they were running backward.

- Come on back!

- They are.

Keep going! Keep going!

Come join the mollies dance, lad!

'Twill raise your reedy spirits.

I'm telling you to

get off this field...

right now!

If you ask me, he makes a better

pom-pom girl than he does a coach.

It's Chulay of Godolphin,

ready with thejavelin throw.

- Stop! Stop!

- Where do you think you're going, Coach?

270 feet, 4 inches

for Chulay of Godolphin.

The shot put event. Wilkins of

Broxton College, the first contestant.

What do you mean, you want to enter

a protest? Didn't you win

those last three events?

That's just the point.

It wasn't us, it was...

Look. Now, look. Look.

He's at it again.

Okay, I'm looking.

Wilkins, a little off form tonight.

That comes to 5 feet, 11 inches.

Now, did you see that?

Okay, he flubbed one.

What's the big problem?

And now, Gudger Larkin of Godolphin

is ready with his effort.

It's really not much of a...

It seems to be coming this way.

Impossible.

72 feet, 3 inches...

a new shot put record for Larkin.

Excuse me, but I have to see

some sweet old ladies about a bet.

Godolphin to win?

Have you gone out of your mind?

Not yet,

but the evening's still young.

Mr Seymour!

- Why don't you stop your babbling

and get out of here?

- Well, if you'd just listen

to what I have to say.

- We're under pressure too!

- The pole vault bar is set

at 17 feet, 5 inches.

First contestant,

Carson of Broxton College.

- I knew he'd go too far!

- Nail him!

Mr. Walker, one more disturbance,

you'll be ruled off the field entirely.

- Now, is that clear?

- Second contestant on the pole vault.

Neilson of Godolphin College...

sets a new record of 17 feet,

5 inches in the pole vault.

- Go, Godolphin, go!

- I never saw you get this excited

at a football game.

Yea, Godolphin!

May I tell you something, Mr Purvis?

Yea, Godolphin! Go!

I hate football.

Yea, Godolphin! I've always

hated football! Go, go, go!

Well, lad, what do you think

of your old matey now, eh?

They could hang me for what I think

of you know! Didn't I tell you...

to keep your hands off of my boys?

Oh, you do, do you?

Well, let me simply say you are

the lowest, most underhanded...

miserable excuse for what used

to be a human being

that's ever been my misfortune...

to be in any shape,

way or form connected with!

- I thought I was helping you.

- Helping? Well, that's a yuck for ya!

Didn't you say yourself that if

I helped them old ladies...

that that would contribute

towards me own salvation?

You haven't helped them.

You haven't helped anybody.

Haven't helped anybody?

I perceive now

how difficult it is...

to do a good deed

in this dirty world.

Just go away. Just go away.

Just get out of my life.

- No, no, no.

- You mean nothing but trouble.

You mean... I can see now...

why the very mention of your name

used to give everybody the creeps.

Well, I'm gonna find

a comfortable place.

I'm gonna rest there, somewhere.

- And I'm gonna stay

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