Blackbeard's Ghost Page #8

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out of your affairs.

- Great, great.

That's the best news I've had in years.

Go disappear yourself.

I'm gonna disappear myself,

that's what I'm gonna do.

Mr Sanctimonious Scupperlout!

Sink me if I raise so much as

a finger to help you in the future.

I'd rather spend a winter

of eternities in limbo...

than knock knees a tick longer...

with a nit like you.

- There, I've said it.

- The final event of the evening,

the relay races, are about to begin.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I had to do that. You see what

he's trying to do, don't you? Hmm?

Well, the rotten pirate wants

to make me as-as crooked as he is.

Well, I don't buy it.

I'm standing on my principles.

Why, sure, Coach. Where'd any

of us be without our principles?

You betcha.

You betcha.

Tiny Godolphin College,

perennial underdog for two decades...

has come back with the biggest bang

you've ever seen.

Coach Walker of Godolphin,

the man of the hour.

Throwing in an attack

of dazzling new techniques...

his inspired team

of star performers...

has slashed its way up

into a tie with Broxton.

Now victory hangs in the balance as we

come to the final event of the evening.

The question... What is going

to happen as Godolphin faces...

Broxton's mighty relay team?

Gentlemen, take your marks.

Set.

Come on, Broxton!

Run, you punk!

Go, Godolphin! Come on, team!

Come on, team! Yea!

At we come to the end of the

first lap in this crucial race...

the first three runners

are closely bunched.

Now they pass the baton for

the start of the second lap.

It's Broxton first,

Tidewater second, State third...

Yes, and there's the Godolphin man,

labouring along in the rear.

Easy now, Coach.

You're tensing up again.

Maybe I shouldn't have

yelled at him that way.

I mean, how's a poor, dumb pirate

supposed to know

what principles are, huh?

But I do. I've gotta shave

this face every morning.

- I know, Coach. I shave too.

- You bet you do.

You gotta look at yourself.

You've gotta live with yourself.

- I gotta go with my principles.

- Sure, Coach. You do that.

- I will, I will.

Well, folks, it's just about

all over but the shouting.

Middle of the second lap, Broxton is

already half a lap ahead of Godolphin.

Do we win something

for fourth place?

I'm afraid not.

You see those little

old ladies up there?

Well, I'm gonna let those

little old ladies get tossed

right out on their ear.

- How's that for a principle?

- Well...

Beginning the third lap,

Broxton is in first place...

followed in order by Tidewater,

State and Godolphin.

Who says you can't win 'em all?

Come on. Let's get out

of this folk festival.

Look at Silky and his boys.

All they wanna do is squeeze every

loose nickel out of this county.

Well, just because I have a chance

to cut their water off doesn't mean...

I have to get mixed up in it, does it?

Well, don't just sit there now,

you coldhearted creep!

Yes, you! Get up!

Do something!

Oh, don't give me that!

I know you can hear me!

What are you going to do about them?

Your own kith and kin! So, Bob,

you gonna let 'em get pushed around

because of my principles?

Don't you have any pride?

Come on! You started it.

Finish it.

Come on! Move it!

Someday I'm gonna strangle him.

Come on! Hurry!

- Pour it on!

- Hurry up!

Come on! Come on!

Let's go!

As we approach the last lap,

Dewey of Broxton is well in the lead.

He passes the baton to...

No, he didn't.

He still has it.

The Broxton anchor man

is running the last lap...

with a hot dog?

Tidewater makes their pass.

State makes their pass, and...

I believe, yes...

the State anchor man

seems to have a bottle of...

The Godolphin man, who was half a lap

behind, approaches the passing zone.

Come on, Godolphin!

- Come on!

- Ahoy, there!

A perfect change! Friends,

Gudger Larkin of Godolphin...

is the only one of the four anchor men

to have completed a clean pass.

Now he streaks past

the other contestants...

who are on their way back

to retrieve their batons!

We seem to have a slight hang-up

in the passing zone.

Dewey of State has got a hold of

Broxton's baton. Let's check that.

No, it's the hot dog.

Carver of Broxton...

a real head's-up performer,

has got a hold of two batons.

No! One is snatched away

by Wilson of Tidewater!

Come on, Broxton,

stop foolin' around!

Gudger Larkin has taken

advantage of the rhubarb...

and has forged almost a third

of a lap ahead of the field.

Catch 'em! Catch 'em!

- Come on!

- Gudger Larkin of Godolphin

is still in front...

but he's beginning to run out of gas

and the others are hot on his heels!

Stop him! Stop him!

Not that, you meathead!

Go, Godolphin, go!

Get up. Get up!

Get up, Gudger!

Get up!

A one-of-a-kind relay team.

Get away from me, you old bats!

We-We won! We won all 45,000

lovely smackeroos! We won!

Technically, maybe we won,

but actually...

- You did it, boy! You did it!

Brilliant work!

- Sir, I think when you hear

what I have to say...

Say? What is there to say?

The scoreboard says it all!

We thank you, we thank you,

we thank you, we thank you!

No rough stuff, old ladies.

You be nice to him.

- Miss Stowecroft?

- Oh, Professor, we're so happy.

Mr Ainsworth from the bank is coming

over, and you can give him the money.

And at the stroke of midnight,

we'd like Mr Walker to have the honour

of burning the mortgage.

- He's done so much for us.

- Well, where is Mr Walker,

who's done so much for us?

Well, I believe he's up in his room.

- Is anything wrong?

- Excuse me.

But why go now?

I mean, the lads have triumphed.

The wager's won.

Your wench is happy.

There's enough money set aside

for the old ladies.

I fail to divine

your reason for leaving.

- Well, don't strain your brain.

- Furthermore, when the mortgage...

is consigned to the flames tonight,

there is a very good chance...

the horrible curse may be

lifted off my good self...

in which case you may be able

to settle down to a serene...

albeit somewhat dull...

life without me.

Look, frizzface,

you think I can stay around here...

after what happened out there tonight?

What am I supposed to do

for an encore?

No, I'm bailing out.

I've got to go somewhere...

I can make a fresh start...

honestly, this time.

Very well.

It be no concern of mine.

I just think it may be a little early

for you to be striking your colours!

Stri... Come in!

Oh. Hi.

- Where are you going?

- I'm leaving.

After taking my money

and-and stirring everything up...

you're running off

and leaving us in a lurch?

- No, you don't!

- What are you squawking about?

You got it back, didn't you?

No, I didn't.

Silky welshed on the bet.

- He what?

- Well, he...

He just laughed and said

he wasn't gonna pay off.

He's throwing Miss Stowecroft and the

others out first thing in the morning.

Under normal conditions,

if I can remember such a time...

I have a sweet

and a loveable nature.

- Well, you-you know what I think?

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