Blind Date

This is Rick Dees.

If you want a song played,

call the radio station right now.

You park in an abandoned lot.

You attend the movie.

You come out to find that thieves

have ripped off your stereo.

This wouldn't have happened...

... if you'd purchased the

James Brown auto alarm! Listen!

The James Brown auto alarm,

scattering thieves near and far!

The James Brown auto alarm.

Get yours today!

What are you doing?

- Here.

- Oh, never mind.

Morning.

Coffee.

What time did you go home

last night, 3:
00 a.m.?

You look like you've been

in a plane crash.

- This may shock you, but humans sleep.

- I know, I know.

Gruen gave me a big project.

I think it's some kind of test.

Where's my depreciation schedule?

I've lost my deprec...

I think I have everything.

Profit plan...

...flow charts...

- How much time do I have?

- Four minutes.

Walter.

- You should wind down.

- I'm getting something out of it.

You won't believe

what happened last night.

You worked on your presentation?

Not at all?

I had drinks at The Blue Dragon...

Don't tell me one of your sex stories.

- Bringing the embalmer tonight?

- She's not an embalmer. She does hair.

- No. I have a date with a gorgeous...

- In the parking lot of the club...

...I see this woman,

maybe 35, kind of classy.

I figure she's waiting for her car.

So, what the hell, I talk to her.

Turns out, she came in a limo. I say,

"I've never been in a limo before."

She stares at me for 30 seconds,

then says, "Let's take a ride."

In the limo, she pushes a button and

a wall's up between us and the driver.

She hits another button,

a sunroof opens.

Bar slides open.

She pours us vodka,

plays Sly and the Family Stone.

Next thing I know, we slide onto PCH.

Full moon, 2:
00 a. M,

vodka, limo, music.

And I'm thinking...

- I don't believe you.

- We start to kiss.

I slide my hand up her dress.

What do I find? Garter belt!

- All your women wear garter belts!

- So I tell her I want her...

...from behind, standing up,

with my head sticking out the sunroof.

So we start doing it.

We're going 60, my head's out

the roof, my hair's flying...

This didn't happen. There was

no limo, no woman, no sunroof...

That's disgusting.

I'm ashamed to know you. How do you

get women to do these things?

As you know by now, Yakamoto has

agreed to entrust the management...

...of all his personal

and corporate assets to us.

No small thanks

to the efforts of Harry Gruen.

I'm sure Mr. Yakamoto's

confidence in us...

...will increase with the lethal charm

you'll all exude tonight.

A word of caution.

He's very traditional.

Old-fashioned ideas about women.

Wives must follow certain rules.

Can't speak until spoken to, don't sit

until he does, all that crap.

Meanwhile...

...he keeps a stable of concubines

you wouldn't believe.

Anyway...

...this is a very old-world guy.

So watch yourselves, and keep

your wives away from the mai tais.

Okay, a few facts

about the man. Denny...

...show us Yakamoto's

holdings for '85.

Damn. Spreadsheets are still printing.

Machine's been down.

Okay, forget it.

Walter, let's have your report.

Yakamoto Worldwide has shown almost

recession-proof capabilities.

Even in a disastrous third quarter...

...his fish oil conglomerate...

...bolstered his net worth

by some 27%.

Walter, you look like sh*t.

Where were you last night?

I was here until 3.

This is the money business.

Image is everything.

Look at you. This jacket is sh*t.

See, men like Yakamoto don't make

deals with the lint man, here.

- Now look at Denny. That's a suit.

- Armani, sir.

- Take a few tips from him.

- Yes, sir.

We'll make a good assistant

portfolio assessor out of you yet.

See you at dinner.

- Who's he bringing?

- I don't know, sir.

God, I hope it's not the embalmer.

- Can I borrow your wife?

- Sure. $50.

I'm serious. Denise bagged out on me.

I need a date. They don't know

Susie's my sister-in-law.

She'd do it, but it's our anniversary.

- Going to Spago's.

- I'm ruined.

Watch this. This guy'll make an offer.

- Have you decided?

- I can't go higher than 15,500.

No can do. It's 17,000 list.

What? You told me it was 18,000 list!

You made $1000 off your brother?

I'm bankrolling your dinner at Spago's!

Stop it. You're scaring him.

You're scaring me. Jesus, you'd

cheat your own flesh and blood.

We'll talk.

- I'll make it up to you.

- You'll write me a check?

No, but I know this fantastic...

Stop! You're gonna recommend

one of your psychotic friends.

I resent that, Walter.

You've set me up before, only you

forget to mention one crucial detail:

She's a dopehead, a lesbian,

keeps dead cats in the freezer...

What a New Year's!

"The champagne's in the icebox."

I'm sorry. Seriously, I know someone.

Nadia Gates, Susie's cousin.

- Ted, I don't want to hear it.

- Don't you trust your own brother?

No argument there.

But, no bullshit, Nadia's amazing.

She's just moved back to town...

...and wants to meet people!

- What's she like?

She's a sweetheart, good sense

of humour. You'll love her!

I won't love her

because this won't happen!

Suit yourself.

But I highly recommend her.

Talk about the kiss of death!

- Call us if you change your mind.

- I won't!

Hi. Is Chloe there?

Do you have the rifle range's number?

Never mind. Look, I'll just

call her later. Thanks.

- Hello?

- Is she reasonably pretty?

"Reasonably" doesn't begin

to describe it.

I'm looking at her picture now.

She's an honest-to-God knockout.

Ted, just this once, please.

The truth.

Susie, tell Walter Nadia's pretty.

She's very pretty, Walter.

- When was the picture taken?

- Four years ago.

Four years? She could've been

disfigured in four years!

- She could've gained 100 pounds!

- She's gorgeous! Stop it!

I almost forgot!

Don't get her drunk.

She loses control completely.

But don't get her drunk. If you do...

...she loses control!

Loses her inhibitions,

or she pees on the floor?

What's "lose control" mean?

Oh, you know, she gets real wild.

She gets real wild!

All right! I may kill you later,

but I'm doing this now...

...before I change my mind.

- Walter?

- Yeah.

Come on in.

I'll just be a minute.

I hope you don't mind

helping me with my suitcase.

I'm moving out of here.

I'll be staying with a friend.

If you feel like it,

a friend's having an art exhibit.

If we have time before dinner,

maybe we could go?

Yeah, no problem.

Well, here goes, Walter. Ready or not.

Oh, damn it!

This has been going on all night.

There may be some matches over there.

Let me look.

It may be over there.

Here.

Now this is a blind date.

Here's your chance to run for it.

Your very last chance.

You missed your chance.

I'm glad.

I had no idea.

Do you know this artist?

I've met him once.

He's Susie's friend.

I mean, coming was her idea.

We can go.

- I don't have any obligation to him.

- No, come on.

We're both adults, aren't we?

I thought I was.

I don't know. Maybe I'm not now.

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