Blood Widow

1

[ CLICK ]

[ CLICK ]

[ CLICK ]

[ DOOR CREAKS ]

[ STAIRS CREAK ]

[ BLADE WHOOSHES ]

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

hey, there.

Hey.

[ CHUCKLES ]

it's good to see you guys again.

How was your drive out?

Oh, it wasn't bad at all, Mr.

Wilson.

Good, good, good.

Hi.

This your fiance?

This is my girlfriend, Laurie.

It's a pleasure to finally

- I've heard so much about you.

- Nice meeting you.

You guys want to go in

and see what you've gotten

yourself into?

- yeah, that sounds good.

- Okay. Let's go.

It's a really comfortable house.

I'm sure you're gonna like it.

Now, I know it's a fixer-upper,

but you've got a really nice guy

there, and you two can get it in

shape in no time.

We'll be back Monday to help

you get started on things.

Let me show you the breaker I've

been working on in the basement.

Laurie, why don't you let me

show you around the house while

the guys are finalizing things.

There you go, young man.

Oh. [ CHUCKLES ]

it's all yours.

Bye!

Bye-bye.

Bye.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

come here.

Come here.

We did it, baby.

We bought the house.

No, you bought the house.

Oh, what?

You don't like the house?

I mean, I know it'll take some

work, but I think we'll...

hey, hey, hey.

I like the house.

It shows initiative.

Yeah. Initiative.

[ HORN HONKS ]

baby?

Did you invite mark over?

Oh... Sh*t.

Uh, yeah. I forgot to tell the

guys the

place wouldn't be ready this

weekend.

What?

Who else did you invite?

I thought this weekend was just

for us.

Hey, come on.

I'm not gonna send them back.

They drove 90 minutes to get

here.

We're still unpacking, Hugh.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

dude! Nice pad, bro.

What's up, guys?

- what?!

- This place is so serene.

- mm-hmm.

- Oh, man.

F***!

There's no service out here.

How the f*** am I supposed to

facebook?

Yeah, man, I brought my own

camera.

I'm gonna take some awesome pics

of the party tonight.

Oh, hey, about that.

Um, I forgot to tell Laurie you

guys were coming, so be nice,

okay?

Oh. Yes, your royal majesty.

- Hey, amber. Laurie's inside.

- Okay.

Bye, amber.

[ LAUGHS ]

Kenneth, what's up, man?

Oh. Nice place.

There's no cops for miles,

right?

Why do you think I got this

place?

Hey, guys.

Oh, Laurie.

Your house is so cool.

This would make a great sketch

for my portfolio.

Do you mind?

No. Go ahead.

[ SIGHS ]

this place isn't cool.

It's creepy.

Why did Hugh pick this place,

anyway?

I don't know.

I mean, I told him to get a

place away from the city, and

he'd been looking at this one,

but I didn't actually think he'd

go through with it.

More like away from

civilization.

Look, he's already got you in

the kitchen.

Hey, does your cell work?

No, but there's a landline

right there, if you need to make

a call.

Nah. I guess I'll just have

to party without internet.

What? A party?

Yeah. Hugh and mark have been

planning it all week.

Everyone's supposed to be here

tonight.

He didn't tell you?

No. Son of a b*tch.

Harmony?

What the hell do you have in

here?

Oh, that's Mr. Buddha.

He was a solstice gift when I

was 4.

But you should be very careful

because he's really heavy, and

if you drop him...

okay, I got it. Thanks.

Okay.

Where do you want your sh*t?

Hey, babe. Need any help?

No. I got it.

You and mark have been planning

this all week, huh?

Yeah. Uh, no.

Um...

I meant next weekend, and he

thought I meant this weekend.

So...

what?

You're not mad, are you?

Yeah, a little bit.

[ SIGHS ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

no, Hugh, I'm not mad.

I'm just disappointed in your

lack of communication.

I'm... I'm sorry.

That's it?

You're just gonna say "I'm

sorry," and you think it's gonna

be all...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[ LAUGHS ]

Hugh, what's this?

Oh, that's, uh... that's my

crossbow.

I got it at the flea market a

couple weeks back.

What makes you think that we

need a crossbow?

We might have to protect

ourselves from the varmints on

the countryside.

I don't know.

What if we have to shoot, like,

a raccoon or a moose or

something?

You know how I feel about

weapons in the house, so I'm

just gonna take this whole box

and I'm gonna put it somewhere,

because the last thing I need is

you and your friends playing

"moose hunt" in our front yard.

[ INSECTS CHIRPING ]

oh, what's that?

Hugh bought a crossbow.

A crossbow?

What's wrong?

I don't know.

None of this feels right.

Well, the house is gonna look

great once you fix it up.

[ LAUGHS ]

yeah.

Where are you going?

I am going to go draw the house.

[ LAUGHS ]

all right.

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

whoa!

Hey.

What are you doing?

Drawing the house.

[ LAUGHS ]

okay.

Why don't you draw that one over

there?

Looks a bit more disgusting, if

that's what you're after.

Does anyone live there?

I don't know.

It doesn't look like it.

Let's go check it out.

Mnh-mnh.

Hey, Kenneth, let's go check

out that, uh, creepy house over

there.

[ LAUGHS ]

that doesn't look like it's

on Hugh's property.

I don't think anyone will

mind if we have a look.

There. You see?

Even nature girl thinks it's

okay.

I don't know, guys.

This place looks like it's

condemned.

Somebody might step on a nail.

At least that would be

interesting.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ GASPS ]

Hey, look at all this nature at

work.

It's so beautiful.

This garden looks like it's

been maintained... I mean, at

least a little bit.

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

hey, it's open.

Oh. [ CHUCKLES ]

okay, isn't this trespassing?

This place is probably full of

asbestos.

We could get mesothelioma.

Your mom has mesoth...

Shut up, man.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

Laurie?

Yeah?

Hey, uh, where are the keys?

What do you need them for?

I just need to run into town

to pick up a few things.

A few things?

Uh, mark invited a few people

over to see the place.

Why do I not like the sound

it won't be anything major, I

We'll just, you know, have a

couple beers and send them on

[ SIGHS ] whatever.

I don't want to fight on our

first night here.

They're in my purse, side

pocket.

Thanks, babe.

I wonder what this place was.

Probably some old rich guy's

pad, man.

[ LAUGHS ]

come on, guys.

Can't you be more respectful?

Kenneth, who's even gonna

notice?

No one's been here for years.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ CRASHING ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

hey, mark, I'm gonna

rearrange some of this stuff so

you can take more photos of me.

Let me just change rolls real

it's so cool that you still

shoot on film.

Digital has no soul.

[ LAUGHS ]

there's just something so real

about film, you know?

I got to pee.

Where the hell's the bathroom in

this hell-hole?

Um, just go outside.

What am I?

Some kind of yokel?

Yokel?

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

[ CLICKS TONGUE ]

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

[ URINATING ]

ahh!

[ SNIFFING ]

come on, Kenneth.

Why don't you loosen up?

No, I don't think so.

Come on.

Nobody's watching.

Why don't you take this and

smash out that window.

Oh!

[ LAUGHS ]

oh, my god.

What the hell are you guys

doing?

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