Bluebeard's Eighth Wife Page #2

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Well, a beautiful lady buys

a pair of pajamas

for a gentleman.

She has no husband. She

has no brother. Voila.

Voil what? A lady in love.

(GRUNTS) You Frenchmen always think

the worst. Maybe it was for an uncle.

Oh, no, monsieur. For an

uncle, you buy a pipe.

But why did she

buy just the pants?

Love has its own

secrets, monsieur.

(CHUCKLES)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

How about a straw hat, monsieur?

(SHOUTS) Leave me alone.

A-I...

(YAWNING LOUDLY)

A-I-K...

(YAWNING) ...A-V...

(BRANDON SNORING)

It doesn't work.

Give us one more

chance, monsieur.

I'm certain that you

will like Apartment 418.

There's nothing wrong with the

apartment downstairs. It's that ocean.

But this is a different floor.

But it's the same ocean.

But don't forget, monsieur, that

up here you're 22 feet higher.

What sounds like a wild

ocean on the third floor,

on the fourth, sounds like a little

difficulty with the plumbing.

There.

Voil, monsieur. This is the most

exquisite suite on the Riviera.

Show me the bedroom. If you

please, monsieur, this way.

This, monsieur, is the most elegant

bedchamber in our entire...

Hello. Hello.

And now if monsieur would inspect

the rest of the apartment?

If you please, monsieur.

Does he go with the place? No,

no, monsieur. It is nothing.

Just a slight misunderstanding.

If you please.

(INDISTINCT MUMBLING)

Monsieur le Marquis,

you have caused

this hotel grave embarrassment.

You had ample

warning to move out.

I have not yet

given up this apartment.

You have been moved

to Apartment 53.

Next to the servants'

quarters? Never.

May I remind you

that you haven't paid

your bills for the

last two months?

And may I remind you that I am heartily

disgusted with the food in this hotel?

You are in no position to complain.

Last Wednesday, for instance.

That steak was tough.

Maybe it was.

But that was no reason for you

to disturb the whole dining room

by calling for

a hammer and chisel.

I do not permit any such criticism of

my behavior from a hotel employee.

Then why don't you leave the hotel?

I will.

Not before you've paid

your 60,000 francs.

You're going to be paid,

to the last sou.

(SCOFFS) I've heard

that before, monsieur.

Oh, you'll regret

this, my good man.

I am in communication with an

American multi-millionaire.

(GRUNTS)

I have submitted to him a business

proposition of such magnitude

that the mention of 60,000

francs makes me laugh.

Has he accepted?

Well, he hasn't refused.

I mailed my letter Monday.

Well, you can wait for your

answer in Apartment 53.

I will not.

Unless these rooms are vacated in one

hour, we'll clear them by force.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

This is the Marquis

de Loiselle speaking.

I'-.-'Ir. Brandon? Oh, I'-.-'Ir.

Brandon, how do you do?

Bonjour, bonjour,

bonjour, Mr. Brandon.

Did you get my letter,

Mr. Brandon?

What do you think

about my proposition?

Hello? Hello?

You're talking from New York?

From New York?

(TALKING LOUDLY) Oh, I thought you

were in Nice, I'-.-'Ir. Brandon.

I said, I thought you were

in Nice, I'-.-'Ir. Brandon.

Can you hear me? Hello?

Mr. Brandon. Mr. Brandon.

What? You want to

speak to Mr. Brandon?

(EXCLAIMS)

Hold it. I'm coming. Thanks.

New York? Brandon speaking.

How's the market, Jeff?

Canadian General dropped to 85?

Buy 300,000 more. How's Pacific Limited?

Fine. Sell it.

Add another $500,000 and buy Gusher

Petroleum to the whole amount.

Yeah.

Did you get an estimate on

the tin factory at Peepeck?

$2,125,000?

It's a bargain. Buy it. Operator.

Don't interrupt, Operator.

I know it's three minutes.

Hello, Jeff.

Say, did you read

the Sunday paper?

How did Flash Gordon get out

of that burning submarine?

He didn't? Oh,

not till next Sunday?

All right. Send me a wire.

So long. Thanks.

(STUTTERING) Just a second.

I'-.-'Ir. Brandon.

Yes? I am the Marquis

de Loiselle.

How do you do? I'm very

glad to have met you.

Well, well, well,

don't you know who I am?

Well, you just told me.

A marquis.

Well, that's somewhere between

a count and a duke, isn't it?

I wrote to you about

a business proposition.

Well, I get 100 business

propositions a day.

What did you say your name was?

De Loiselle.

L-O-I-S-E-L-L-E.

Oh, Mr. Loiselle.

Sure, I remember.

Well, what do you

think about my idea?

Great. Isn't it?

One of the best projects

ever submitted to me.

Terrific possibilities. It's a gold mine.

Millions in it, millions.

Then you'll do it? No.

Why not? It isn't worth a nickel

unless it's handled right.

Oh, naturally, Mr. Brandon.

But with my experience?

Let me tell you what I've done.

Don't bother. I know

everything about you.

For instance, in 1924,

why did you induce

a Mr. Bernier to finance

automobile races?

Why, he was a very rich man. He had

the money. I had the experience.

When the races were over, you had the

money and he had the experience.

Your bank account is

overdrawn 10,675 francs.

How did you know that?

If a man wants to do

business with me,

I have to know

everything about him.

Always check up.

Always investigate.

Oh, that's an excellent idea.

This world is full of scoundrels.

You bet it is.

So long, Mr. Loiselle.

But, Mr. Brandon...

I'm sorry, I'm a busy man.

I'-.-'Ir. Brandon, if you won't

finance my business project,

would you be interested

in buying a bathtub?

A what? I have in my possession

one of the glories of France, the

one and only bathtub of Louis XIV.

Sorry, I use a shower.

Oh, but you wouldn't

have to use it as a tub.

You could put it in your

library, use it as an ashtray.

Always throw my

ashes on the carpet.

Carpet. Carpet.

I can sell you a carpet.

Mr. Brandon. Mr. Brandon.

Mr. Brandon. Mr. Brandon.

No, no, no. I'm sorry.

I tell you I can't...

Aren't you ashamed?

A man of your age

fooling around

with a sweetheart.

You know that, too.

I only have to look at your

pants, and I know everything.

My pantalon? Oh, I must

apologize, of course.

They certainly don't match, and

they are very much too long,

but you see... Well, you

know my financial situation.

My daughter tries to economize.

Your daughter?

She bought these

for me yesterday.

My coat':
Still good, you see.

The girl who

bought those pants...

Is my daughter.

Is she married? No.

Engaged? No.

In love with anyone? No, no, no.

I'll buy the bathtub.

You'll buy the bathtub,

Mr. Brandon?

Don't call me Mr. Brandon. Call me Mike.

We're gonna be related.

It's only a matter of form. Do

you want to know something?

I'm beginning to

believe in pants.

If you hadn't worn those pants,

I never would have

bought that bathtub.

Do you want to know

something else?

We're going to celebrate our honeymoon

in Czechoslovakia. Yes, sir.

(YODELING)

Albert.

Nicole.

Hello, Nicole.

Hello. I'm sorry I'm late.

I was detained at

the beauty shop.

That's all right, Nicole.

Right in the middle

of a manicure,

the proprietor came in and presented

me with last month's bill.

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