Bluebeard's Eighth Wife Page #4

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salary do you get?

2,000 francs a month.

Well, that's enough.

I shouldn't have come to the

Riviera in the first place.

Now don't talk about it anymore.

I want to forget

the whole darn...

What's that?

The bathtub, sir.

(SHOUTS) The what?

The bathtub of Louis XIV.

To say no to a man like that, a man who

wasn't even hit by the Depression.

I counted on it. I know you did.

Well, what are we

going to do now?

I thought we'd have all

the money in the world,

so I bought a few little things.

I had to have several new suits.

We needed a new car, Nicole,

and I've always wanted

to have a billiard table.

Father, you're going to

cancel everything you bought.

Oh, not everything. I still

have my 60,000 francs.

What 60,000 francs?

The check for the bathtub.

Give me that check.

He bought it.

He didn't want that bathtub. That

check is his down payment on me.

That's not true, Nicole.

He insisted upon buying it.

He's crazy about that bathtub.

Come in.

Is there any message? Yes.

Mr. Brandon said that you are...

Maurice. Why make an enemy?

Oh, all right. Leave it

here in the anteroom.

Give me that check. What?

Oh. But the family, Nicole. I promised

to pay all their hotel bills.

What hotel bills?

I telephoned Paris

and asked them all down for the

announcement of your engagement.

(SIGHS) Well, you call them up this

minute and tell them not to come.

Oh, Nicole, you know the family.

With their expenses paid,

they're on the train by now.

Give me that check.

Oh, well...

BRANDON:
Come in.

Hello. I imagine you're

surprised to see me.

Not at all. I expected to.

Oh, you did.

Sure.

Well, you see, I've changed

my mind about you.

I knew you would.

I thought you were

a good businessman.

What's that?

Here's the check, Mr. Brandon.

And let this be a lesson to you.

Never buy a saddle on a chance

that the horse will be thrown in.

Now, look here. I don't want you

to get the wrong impression of me.

I never renege on a deal, but in

this case, it so happens that it...

Oh, don't worry, we release you.

What do you mean,

you release me?

You haven't got a leg

to stand on, legally.

(SIGHS) Now, look here, Mr. Brandon. I

came here in the most friendly spirit.

Yes, you did.

But that was a closed deal.

You bought a bathtub.

And I got a washbasin.

Why don't you call an expert?

All right,

let's get the plumber.

I'-.-'Ir. Brandon, I

know nothing whatsoever

about your education,

but King Louis XIV...

(LAUGHS) By the way, have you any

idea when Louis XIV reigned?

Well, from... From... To...

Well, I tell you,

it's a washbasin.

I warn you, Mr. Brandon, if you

question our business ethics,

we'll force you to go

through with the deal.

You're practically claiming that we've

sold you something under false pretenses.

You bought a wash...

I mean a bathtub.

No, you don't.

You mean a washbasin.

Give me that check.

Say, what kind of

a hotel is this, anyway?

The shower doesn't work, the

bathtub's out of kilter and...

Well, connect me

with the head mechanic.

Never mind.

Take a letter.

Yes, sir.

"Dear Mademoisefle Nicole. You

were right, and I was wrong."

"It can be done.

So please let me apologize"

"from the bottom

of your bathtub."

"From the bottom

of your bathtub."

"Whether the darn

thing is too short,

"or I am too long, is a question"

"I would like to

discuss with you at dinner."

"I'm sure that this more formal

approach will meet with your approval,"

"so shall we say 8:30 tonight?"

"shall we say..."

(CRASHING)

"I remain sincerely yours, Michael

Brandon." I'll sign it later.

It was a washbasin.

(WALTZ MUSIC PLAYING)

1643 to 1715. What?

Louis XIV.

You looked it up.

Born September the 5th, 1638. Came

to the throne at the age of five.

Won the Battle

of Steenkirke in 1692.

Got mixed up with

madame du Barry.

Died at 4:
00 in the afternoon on

Friday, May the 10th, of smallpox.

That's sweet of you. Michael.

Yes, Nicole?

Ninety-five to ninety-seven

and a half. What?

Oil. It went up two and a half points.

I'm so glad.

Oh, I've never been

happier in my life.

And not on account ofthose

two and a half points.

Oh, wait a minute. Louis XIV

didn't die of smallpox.

That was Louis XV.

Oh. Well, I must have skipped a page.

Forgive me?

Oh, you know, when

I saw you first...

Do you mind if I

skip a few pages?

No.

I'm crazy about you.

(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Mesdames et messieurs. We are

ready for the photograph.

When is this

wedding going to be?

In two weeks.

You'll get your money.

I'm surprised to say

I rather like you, Michael.

Thank you, Grandmother.

Michael. Don't call

her Grandmother.

That's Aunt Hedwige,

the head of the family.

If she had said

"no" to our engagement,

I still would marry you.

(CHUCKLES) Darling.

And when you talk

to my uncle from Vienna...

Oh, I know. I should

say "Your Highness."

No, that's not necessary.

Just call him Uncle Auguste.

But never say to an

Archduke, "Hey, Archie."

You just give me time.

I'll learn.

(SIGHS)

(LAUGHS) I haven't worn this

suit for quite a while.

What's that?

Rice.

Rice?

Sure. Don't you

use it over here?

Why, of course we do,

for puddings.

Oh, we use it for weddings. You throw

it at the bride and groom for luck.

(EXCLAIMS) Did it

bring them luck?

Well, we had

a pleasant six months.

What?

You... PHOTOGRAPHER: Smile, everybody.

Smile, please.

That's fine. One... Two...

Just a moment. We'll be right back.

Come, Michael.

Michael just wants

to tell me something.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Michael, you've been married?

Yes, but that's all right. My

decree's final. Do you mind?

No, I suppose not.

I thought you knew.

You didn't tell me.

Don't you read the American newspapers?

It was front-page stuff.

I thought your father was

very well-informed about me.

He only knows about

your bank account.

And all I know about you is I

liked you in a department store,

I hated you on a float, and I fell

in love with you over a bathtub.

Darling.

(SIGHS)

Oh, darling.

(SIGHS)

What was her name?

Marjorie. I called her Mug.

Why did you divorce?

Oh, well...

Did she do something wrong?

No, no.

She was a little jealous,

but there was no reason.

I told her I was

crazy about Linda.

Linda? Yes, Linda.

Then why didn't you marry Linda?

I did.

(EXCLAIMS)

Now, let me get this straight.

You divorced Marjorie because

she was jealous of Linda,

and you divorced Linda

on account of Marjorie?

No, no, you've got

it all wrong. You see,

I knew Marjorie

long before I met Linda.

Yes. And I was going

to marry Marjorie

when Elsie popped up.

(EXCLAIMS) And Elsie...

Am I boring you?

Oh, no, no. No. It's

all very interesting.

I like to get

your point of view.

You see, to me this is

a very important step.

I happen to believe in marriage.

So do I.

Where were we?

Elsie just popped up.

Say, this may take some time. We'd

better go and have the picture taken.

Michael, in one word, how many

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