Bluebeard's Eighth Wife Page #7

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we call them in France.

(GIGGLING)

Oh, Michael, I'm your

worst investment.

I don't pay any dividends,

and I'm proud of it.

That's robbery! It's a swindle!

It's a holdup.

You're much too rich, Michael.

Oh, Michael, let's have

some of that money.

If you want a divorce, Nicole,

you're going about

it the wrong way.

Oh, really?

You don't understand my fundamental

characteristic. It's tenacity.

I'm tenacious. That's why

I'm where I am today.

Where's that, Michael?

Well, it's...

The more trouble a thing gives

me, the harder I fight for it.

If I let the word "failure" creep into

my vocabulary just once, I'm lost.

And as long as you

treat me as you do,

I'll give up

eating and drinking,

but I won't let you go!

Well, then, I'm afraid we're

tied together for life.

If necessary, I can always hang

on a half hour longer than you.

Oh, it promises to be

quite a fight, Michael.

And remember, my nerves

are made of iron.

I fought Canadian Tin singlehanded

and left them yelling for help!

Oh, but I won't be fair.

I'll knife you in the back.

I'll fight you with every

vegetable at my disposal.

(EXCLAIMS)

Is it possible to talk

to you quietly? Yes.

Now, listen. You want a

divorce as soon as possible.

Yes.

Let me give you a tip.

Stop keeping me at a distance,

be nice to me,

and in three weeks

I'll probably

beg you on my knees

to give me a divorce.

Oh, that's very

tempting, Michael.

That wouldn't be fair

to my future husband.

Your future husband?

Why, naturally. I'm going

to marry again someday.

A woman can't take care

of $100,000 a year all alone.

Why don't I take you right here

and crush you like a matchbox?

What's preventing me? These

walls are pretty thick.

We'll settle this...

Elyse 34530.

Hello. Pepinard and Pepinard?

This is Mr. Brandon speaking,

I'm still waiting

for Mr. Pepinard.

He left 10 minutes ago? Well, you

told me that a half an hour ago.

Nicole.

Hello, Albert.

You wouldn't mind giving

a poor bank clerk a lift?

Come right in.

They say at the bank that your

husband's going to Brussels.

Yes, this afternoon.

Well, Brussels is 400

kilometers from Paris.

Why, Albert, you're an atlas.

Well, if he takes

the afternoon train,

he can't possibly

catch the night train,

which leaves there

at 12:
45 for Paris.

You're a timetable, too.

Nicole, don't you see

what I'm driving at?

No.

Oh.

(CAR HONKING)

Nicole?

Yes, Albert?

Well...

(GIGGLING)

Now, look here, Albert. Even

if my husband went to China,

which is 10,000 kilometers away,

it still wouldn't

do you any good to...

(MIMICS GIGGLE)

I've told you so a dozen times.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Oh, hello.

Hello.

Oh, you've grown a mustache.

Mmm-hmm.

(TURNING KEY IN LOCK)

(SLIDING BOLT)

(SHUSHING) Say, I've...

You're a fine detective,

monsieur Pepinard.

Please, Mr. Brandon, don't

use the word "detective."

I told the butler I'm your doctor.

Listen, I'm in a hurry.

I've got to catch

a train to Brussels.

What did you find

out about my wife?

I'-.-'Ir. Brandon, your wife's conduct

leaves nothing to be desired.

There is no other man.

I can guarantee it.

How about those

anonymous letters?

You know who writes those letters?

Who?

Mrs. Brandon herself.

I don't believe it.

Have you any proof?

Sure. Please. Here it is.

It's the same handwriting

as the others.

I saw Mrs. Brandon

deposit this letter

in the mailbox

this morning at 11:18.

"Mr. Michael Brandon,

Hotel Metropole, Brussels."

Intended to greet you upon

your arrival at Brussels.

How did you get this letter?

Mr. Brandon, the letter is here.

How I got it, let that remain a

secret between me and the mailbox.

"I'-.-'Ir. Brandon. Tonight

at your business conference,

"when you are trying

to put something over"

"on your associates in Brussels,"

"your wife will be putting

something over on you."

"Too bad you didn't

stay at home. A friend."

Perfectly simple. Neglected wife

wants to make husband jealous.

Jealous, nothing.

She wants a divorce.

She wants to shake

my nerves to pieces

so I can't attend to

my business anymore.

(SCOFF) But I'm

going to fool her.

I'll go to Brussels, all right.

That's what I'll tell

her, only I'm not going.

I'm coming back unexpectedly

in the middle of the night

and surprise her with

this mysterious Mr. X.

But there is no Mr. X.

That's just it.

I'm going to laugh at her.

I'm going to have some fun.

And will she be embarrassed.

I'm gonna make

her feel that small.

That's very small, Mr. Brandon.

I'm going to cure

that young lady.

Thank you very much,

Mr. Pepinard. Goodbye.

Au revoir, Mr. Brandon.

By the way, my wife doesn't

suspect that you followed her?

She doesn't even

know that I exist.

Don't forget Pepinard and

Pepinard is a first-class firm.

You will find that out

when you get our bill.

Don't worry, I'-.-'Ir. Brandon. There

is nothing wrong with your kidneys.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Goodbye.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

NICOLE:
Come in.

You must have mistaken

me for someone else.

Sit down, monsieur Pepinard.

Sit down.

You followed me, monsieur

Pepinard, so I followed you.

You live at 110 Rue du

Regard, a nice apartment,

but it doesn't get much sun.

But please, madame...

Oh, I know that doesn't

mean much to you

but don't forget,

monsieur Pepinard,

your wife has to

stay home all day

and she's such

a pretty little woman.

Oh, thank you very much.

A little plump.

But it gives her a certain charm.

And what an engaging smile.

(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

It's too bad she has

such a vile temper.

Hasn't she?

I can imagine what she's

like in an argument.

Oh, no, you can't.

You'd better be careful,

monsieur Pepinard.

If she ever finds out

that you're going around

with that little salesgirl from the

delicatessen store on the corner,

who, by the way, is going

around with someone else...

With whom?

What did you tell my husband?

You're asking too much,

madame. Please.

Well, if your wife finds out

about the delicatessen store...

Well, madame,

in order to save my home,

I confess I told him everything.

He knows about the letters. He

knows there is no other man.

He's coming back

unexpectedly tonight

to surprise you

and to laugh at you.

Well, maybe we can

surprise Mr. Brandon.

You're going to help me,

monsieur Pepinard.

I need a man for tonight.

Oh, no, not me.

When my husband comes back...

And he finds somebody here.

He won't laugh anymore.

But you must consider that Mr.

Brandon is a very strong man.

There is apt to be

a terrible fight.

Well, then, get me someone

who can fight back.

I'll pay him 5,000 francs,

and I won't tell on you.

Very well, then. A prizefighter

will be the best way out.

How much does

your husband weigh?

I don't know him that well. I

had better get a heavyweight.

Yes. Have him here at 10:00

and have him as

well-dressed as possible.

You can rely on me, madame.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Yes, Michael? You

shaved your mustache.

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