Bluebeard's Eighth Wife Page #8

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Well, goodbye, Nicole.

I'm starting for Brussels.

I'd forgotten all about that.

How long will you be gone?

Does that really interest you?

Frankly, no.

You think I'm pretty much

of a fool, don't you?

Yes.

Well, goodbye, Nicole.

Goodbye, Michael.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

I'm Kid Mulligan.

Oh, yes. I'm Mrs. Brandon.

Come in.

(GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)

Yes. Come in.

Sit down. Thanks, madam.

We may have to

wait a little while.

Oh, that's all right.

You understand the

situation, I suppose?

Yes, madam,

I get the whole setup.

And I certainly appreciate this

opportunity, Mrs. Brandon.

You don't know how tough it is for

an American to get a fight in Paris.

And I won't disappoint you. I'm

all steamed up, ready to go.

Yes.

You know, I don't want you

to really hurt my husband.

Oh, I'll carry him along, just

keep away with a left jab.

A left... What does

that do, exactly?

Well, I might split his lip

or cut his eye a little.

Oh, that sounds terrible.

You mustn't do that.

Well, I gotta defend myself.

Oh, of course.

Oh, but split and cut.

That sounds horrible.

Couldn't you do something

a little more civilized?

You know, just pick him up

and throw him in a corner?

Oh, no. That's wrestling.

I'll tell you what. Why don't

you let me knock him out?

Knock him out?

Oh, for heaven's sake, no.

Oh, all you people got the

wrong idea about a knockout.

If you hit a guy on the right

spot, down he goes like a light.

No pain? Pain? No.

You dream like a baby.

I can't believe it.

Well, I'm speaking

from experience.

Have you been knocked out?

Plenty. And believe me, there's

nothing like it. What a sensation.

Once I hit the

canvas with a bang,

and the next minute there I was

in a Japanese garden with

them pink cherry blossoms.

Another time, I was floating

over Constantinople.

I tell you, you get to see countries you

otherwise couldn't afford to visit.

It sounds perfectly wonderful.

And the time I fought

Battleship McCarthy.

Boy, I'll never forget

that second round.

Now, I ask you, Mrs. Brandon,

where is there another racket

where a man of my weight

can feel like a flying fish?

All right, then, do it. No, don't do it.

It's too good for him.

Come on, Mrs. Brandon,

don't be so hardboiled.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

He doesn't deserve it.

Why should he dream he's

in a Japanese garden?

After what he's done to me?

I should pay 5,000 francs so that

he can feel like a flying fish?

No, no, never.

But, Mrs. Brandon, he's your husband.

You must have loved him once.

Let's not talk about it. Come on, Mrs.

Brandon, give him a break.

Have a heart.

All right, knock him out.

Sit down.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(SHUSHING)

(KNOCKING ON THE DOOR)

Come in.

Come in. What's the matter with you?

Why don't you come in?

Surprised, huh?

What are you staring at?

(THUDDING)

I love you, Michael,

but it's good for you.

Good night.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(NICOLE GRUNTING)

Oh, you've ruined my

whole plan, you idiot.

It serves you right, bringing me a

handbag in the middle of the night.

You've spoiled everything.

I'm tired. I want to go home.

(CAR APPROACHING)

Albert. Oh, I'm so sorry,

Albert. Poor Albert.

Where did he hit you?

Show Nicole.

Here. Here?

There. Right here?

Right here, Albert?

(EXCLAIMS)

Hello, Nicole.

Hello, Michael. I thought

you were in Brussels.

Surprised to see me back?

Naturally.

Oh, but it doesn't

make any difference.

You look a little nervous.

Why should I be nervous?

Husband comes home unexpectedly.

Why, you don't think for a moment

that I have anything to hide?

No, I really don't. Well, I think

I'll go and get some sleep.

If you have the slightest

doubt, why don't you go in?

Let me tell you something, I'm

gonna fool you. I'm going in.

Oh, no, Michael. No,

Michael, you can't do that.

(LAUGHING)

Quiet, please.

Oh, no.

You worm. You miserable little pipsqueak.

I'm going to...

Here. Oh, Michael,

please don't hurt him.

Hurt him? I'm gonna wring his neck.

No, Michael.

He just came to bring a handbag.

Now, look here.

You made a nervous

wreck out of me,

you tortured me,

you took my pride away,

my self-respect and I stood for

it, but if you try to tell me

that he just came here to bring

a handbag, I'll kill you.

Get out.

Yes, Albert, get out. Go home.

I can't go.

I said go!

I can't go while you're

sitting on my pants.

Well, Nicole, you win.

Someone had to win.

I've got to hand it to you. You're the

first person that ever licked me.

You wanted to hurt

me, and you did.

Well, come on,

why don't you laugh?

I'll send my lawyer round in the morning.

You can get the divorce.

Oh, no, Michael. After

all, I'm the guilty party.

It's only fair that I

should take the blame.

Well, now look here, Nicole.

For several reasons, I think I should

appear to be the guilty party.

Oh, I forgot. Your reputation.

Oh, of course, Michael.

Naturally, I'll get the divorce.

The world will never know

what really happened.

As far as the public

is concerned,

Michael Brandon has tired of

another wife and walked out.

Another feather in your cap.

Well, goodbye, Michael.

Goodbye, Nicole.

Well, goodbye, Professor, and

thank you a thousand times.

You really feel well,

monsieur Potin?

Well, simply wonderful.

I must have been in

pretty bad shape, though.

Now, tell me, have you ever

had a case like mine before?

Frankly, no.

It's common enough

for people to believe

that they are

Alexander the Great

or Napoleon.

We're prepared for that.

But for a man to imagine

he's a chicken...

Well, I should say that's

quite out of the ordinary.

Professor, I'll never forget

that terrible morning

when I flew into the kitchen

and said to the cook,

"Anna, where are the noodles?

Quick, make soup out of me."

Strange what the stock

market can do to one.

Well, well, that's all over now.

Thanks to you and your splendid

system of self-suggestion.

Goodbye, monsieur Potin,

and good luck.

(BOY SHOUTING IN FRENCH)

Hey, boy, come here,

give me a paper.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

POTIN:
Cock-a-doodle doo!

Cock-a-doodle doo!

You keep quiet

or I'll come down.

And not another egg out of you.

(SIGHS) I feel fine. It was a nice day

yesterday, it'll be a nice day today,

it'll be a nice day tomorrow. I feel

fine, I feel fine, I feel very fine.

I feel fine. It was a nice day

yesterday, it's a nice day today,

it'll be a nice day tomorrow. I feel

fine, I feel fine, I feel very fine.

How are you today, Mr. Brandon?

Not so good.

I feel fine, I feel

fine, I feel very fine.

It was a nice day yesterday,

it's a nice day today,

it'll be a nice day tomorrow.

Your luncheon, Mr. Brandon.

(GRUNTS) Mutton stew.

Now, Mr. Brandon.

I feel fine. I like mutton stew.

I liked mutton stew yesterday,

I like mutton stew today and

I'll like mutton stew tomorrow.

(GRUNTS IN DISGUST)

I feel fine, I feel

fine, I feel very fine.

Oh, please, Nurse.

Won't you be human?

You are not to see Mr. Brandon

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