Boom

Madame?

Pain!

Injection!

Getting Goforth on the phone!

Shove the phone! What I want

Goforth on, is film and tape.

You idiot birdbrain,

get your butt on the boat.

How did you get aboard?

I, uh, just missed the boat

she sent for me.

You know Goforth?

If you're a friend of Goforth's, you can

pay your passage by getting her to see us.

They say she's a b*tch to approach.

How well do you know her?

Well, it's been some time since

I've seen her, but... well, actually, I...

a- actually, I know her quite well...

Off!

Bloody b*tch of the world!

Mrs. Goforth!

Another one of their

goddamned village delegations...

Rudi!

Buon giorno.

Basta, basta!

Does one of you speak English?

Yes, I speak enough.

Signora, we have come here because

of the widow of the man you killed here.

The widow of this young man,

does have no money to live.

The widow of that ladro - robber - will

be given money to leave this island.

- Quando? - Uh, Quando?

- Quando.

When she gets on the boat with

her fantastic lies - then, then is when!

Then!

Mrs. Goforth!

- Where was I?

- "The prince said to me...

Oh, yes.

The, uh, prince said to me,

"Madame Goforth, your exact origins

are a mystery to all of us. "

And I said to the prince,

"Without champagne, my origins

are a mystery even to me,

"but I think it's safe to assume that

I originated in the womb of my mother,

"with some assistance from

a father unknown,

"on a day unknown,

of a year unknown. "

Mrs. Goforth!

My name has been in lights

since scarcely more than a child.

Then marriage to five

industrial kings,

all who had vast fortunes,

which, according to the looks of

them they deposited in their bellies.

A pyramid of tycoons.

But then, after them,

is once love.

My sixth and last marriage was

to a young poet,

light as a bird,

who had a passion for altitudes

far above sea level.

Mrs. Goforth!

No interruption!

In these pictures, which I'd like reproduced

at this point in my memoirs,

he's shown preparing to

climb a mountain,

down which he fell to his death.

Five thousand feet down to his

death in a field of snow.

My heart fell with him,

and was shattered, as he was.

How in hell can I work with those goddamned

dogs of Rudi's barking up a storm?

Go tell Rudi to either shoot them

or shut them up!

Rudi!

Call your dogs off him before

they tear him to pieces!

hurry up, play golf. Play golf.

Did they hurt you much?

Well, I'm alive.

Mrs. Goforth!

What does the sign on

the beach say?

'Private property, keep out. '

Just 'keep out'?

Not 'beware of dogs'?

Says nothing about dogs.

Go down there right away and

put up a 'beware of the dog' sign,

in three languages.

And Arabic.

If that man's gonna sue me

I'll have to prove that there was a

'beware of dog' sign.

Move, move, quick!

Mrs. bloody Goforth!

He's out there shouting my

name as if he knew me.

Would you do something for me?

Would you tell Mrs. Goforth that

Mr. Christopher Flanders is here to see her?

Oh, yes, and, uh...

and give her this book,

and tell her that I wish

to see her.

And don't mention the dogs.

Just say that I...

climbed the mountain,

and I'm tired.

Very tired.

Man bring this up road.

Man dogs bite?

Yes, this brings up mountain.

Man resemble this photo?

Yes, this man.

Go out and tell...

Vada fuoir e dica...

Blackie!

Tell him to go out and say that

I'm terribly upset

about the accident with the dogs,

but I want to know why he came here.

And that I am not responsible for anyone

that comes here without an invitation.

No, I will not.

Ha, you will.

I can't give a man nearly killed

by dogs such an inhuman message.

What's human or inhuman is not

for human decision;

now you get out there

and interrogate him!

Now, you put some questions to him.

Such as, what he wants here.

If you get the proper answers,

put him up in the little pink villa.

Tell him I'll see him after my siesta.

Lord knows I could use some

male companionship.

Sorry, I forgot to warn you.

It's mountain spring water.

God, it's cold. Brrr.

What's all this metal for?

Well... I'll, uh... I'll, uh...

I'll show you.

This one actually has a title.

It's called "The Earth is a Wheel

in the Great Big Gambling Casino".

I'd like you to show it to

Mrs. Goforth as soon as possible.

You see, I, uh, I want to please her as

soon as I can, as much as I can.

Perhaps it'd be a good idea

if you hung it in the wind...

so that it would show to

best advantage.

I heard - I was told - that Mrs. Goforth

hasn't been feeling too well lately.

Mrs. Goforth is a dying monster.

Seems to think her legendary existence

couldn't go on for less than forever.

Insists that she's only suffering

from bursitis, neuritis...

"Itis" this, "itis" that, this "itis", that "itis" -

anything but death-itis.

Does she... does she remember meeting me?

She inspected you through her

owl window and seemed to like your looks,

so I think you're in for a while.

Ah... well, tell me, what will be my

program after I've woken up?

Don't you make out your own programs?

Oh, well, not when I'm visiting.

Is that much of the time?

Well, you might describe me as a

professional houseguest.

You like that thing?

Very much.

Why don't you keep it.

Thank you, but I couldn't.

I'd better go now.

Oh, uh.. I wonder... would it be possible...

could you get me a bite to eat?

I'd especially like a glass of milk.

I'll tell the cook.

Thank you, you're the kindest person

I've met in a long time.

What are you grinning about,

what's so funny, huh?

Stronzi! Stronzi, che stronzi!

You mustn't call them that.

It has a very insulting meaning.

I know what it means, Miss Black,

and that's what I meant it to mean.

Now tell them to bring the

table over here,

so I can put my chair in the shadow

when I want it in the shadow.

My skin's too delicate to be in the

sun for more than half-hour intervals.

Now tell them what I want

put on the table:

a cold bottle of mineral water,

suntan lotion,

cigarettes, codeine tab, a bucket of ice,

a glass, a bottle of brandy, my newspapers.

The Paris Trib, The Rome Daily American,

The Financial Times,

The Wall Street Journal,

The Daily Express.

What's that goddamned thing?

Something he gave me to give you.

It seems he makes mobiles.

Does he seem like some kind of a

nut case to you?

No.

Help me up, will you? The

sun's making me dizzy.

Oh- god damn, you... broke the

skin with my ring.

Bring a telex report out to me.

Ow! Sh*t on your mother!

God damn it, I'll sign myself

into a criminal institution!

What does this Manders- Sanders

have to say for himself?

His name is Christopher Flanders, and

he wondered if you remembered him or not.

Well, I may have met him sometime, somewhere.

When I used to like to meet people.

Before they all seemed to become the same

person over and over again,

and I tired of that person.

Blackie... you know what I need to get

me over this depression this summer?

What would do more good than all the shots

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