Boomerang

1

Yeah, this is a story of famous dogs.

For the dog that

chases its tail will be dizzy.

Dog.

- Hey, you. I left somethin' on your desk.

- I've got it.

- Yo, man.

- Man, when are we gonna hang out?

We gonna hang out soon.

Slow down with that thing, Bony.

- Mornin', ladies.

- Hi, Marcus.

- So I'm here on the right. I'm like this.

- Yo, man, I'm tryin' to work.

- Hey. Whassup?

- Yo. Whassup?

- I'll see y'all at lunch.

- OK. Peace.

Good morning.

Hey, stranger, nice to see you again.

Morning, cuteness.

How you doin'? Whassup?

Morning. Morning. Morning.

- Good morning.

- Morning.

- Hey, you.

- Hello.

- Morning, Noreen.

- Good morning, Marcus.

Do me a favour and send a single

long-stemmed rose to Carrie, Tracy,

Miranda, Cassandra,

Alegra, Shirrel and Mai-Lai.

- With the usual card?

- "Thinking only of you."

Right. You have a meeting

with Lady Eloise tomorrow at nine.

- Cool.

- Nelson's waiting. And Anita called.

I forgot.

Will you get her on the phone?

- Sure.

- Thank you.

- Nelson.

- Hello, Marcus.

I can't wait to show you this.

I have recut the Kissable spot.

You recut it? But is it sexy?

Is it sexy?

It is sexational.

- I like it.

- Good.

I like the orange,

and I like the ice cream.

You gotta get rid of

the cherries and the banana.

Cherry and banana? But that's a little

Buuel, a little Dali. It's... you know.

It's too overt.

We should go a little more subtle.

- Some women might get offended.

- All right.

But I dug it. I dug it. Don't make that

"he didn't dig it" face. I dug it.

It just got a little nasty,

like you always do.

- OK.

- All right.

- Nasty Nelson.

- That's me.

Least there wasn't

no sausages in this one.

- Yeah?

- Anita on line one.

Great.

Hey, you.

Let me... Can I explain what happened?

Have you been watching the news?

You haven't been watching the news.

The big accident in midtown,

where the cabs

busted into the other cab,

it knocked into a bus

and a water main bust - I was in that.

It's on the news right now. It just

went off Channel 4, just went off.

Yeah, but I was...

No, I'm cool. I'm all right, yeah.

No, my neck's a little stiff, that's all.

Actually, a massage sounds kinda fly.

Yeah, I'm all with that. That, too.

Can I call you next week? Cool.

Later.

- What's next?

- Casting for the body lotion spot.

Tell the fellas I might be

a little late for lunch today.

Yo, man. I saw somethin'

on cable last night - freaked me.

There was this woman, right?

Baby had body.

She's lyin' there, totally naked, right?

You could see everything.

But she had a dick, man.

F***ed me up.

It was a 976 number

for hermaphrodites.

You're talkin' about 9-7-6-D-l-C-K,

Chicks With D*cks.

How could you put that in your

mental Rolodex? He's a closet freak.

- You got problems.

- You're comin' out.

- Yeah.

- No, man, I was just, you know, kiddin'.

Oh, man. That ain't regular, man.

There's a whole world out there

we don't know about.

Like the sh*t you read in Penthouse -

that stuff never happens to me.

Man, stuff like that never happens

to anybody, except for Marcus.

The only reason stuff like that happens

to me is I pay attention to women.

- Y'all don't pay attention to women.

- I pay attention.

- You have to study their movements.

- Get outta here.

- It's an art form.

- I can't do that, man.

- That's why you get no p*ssy.

- Exactly.

Tyler, there's other things

in life besides sex.

Sharing, commitment. You gotta get in

touch with your feminine side like me.

Startin' to sound a little on the soft side.

Startin' to sound soft.

- Borderline b*tch.

- You know what your problem is?

You need more romance

and less Doberman pinscher.

That's true. You have

too much dog and no romance.

Don't even try that.

You ain't got no romance.

Excuse me. I am the most romantic cat

both of you know.

When I meet a woman, I am flowers,

I am candy, I am soft music...

And Mr Milk-Bones.

I am Mr Romance

when I meet a woman.

Once I hit it, I lose interest.

But that ain't my fault.

So, in other words,

right at that moment of orgasm,

all the romance just

skeets right outta you.

No, but you can't put that on me.

The onus is not on me.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Good.

- You have a beautiful accent.

- Where are you from?

- Holland. Nice meeting you.

- Nice meeting you, too.

- Bye.

Bye-bye, cuteness.

I'm from Detroit.

Sh*t, that sh*t makes me mad, man.

B*tches never do that to me, man.

Maybe it's because

you call them b*tches.

Yeah, man. You need to straighten up,

show some respect, man. Come on.

Yo, man. Excuse me.

Excuse me, waitress.

- Yeah.

- Look, I ordered the duck, right?

- Yeah.

- What vegetable comes with that?

That's a good one. It's sauted

asparagus spears, and it is good.

- Flavour.

- Delicious. Yeah.

- That sounds good. Oh, God.

- You'll love 'em.

- All right.

- That sounds good.

- "That sounds good." Come on.

- What?

Why don't she just come out

and call us jungle bunnies?

- What?

- Asparagus spears.

- What?

- For white guys, it'd be asparagus tips.

- Racial, man. Racial.

- Man, you trippin' now.

- No, you trippin'.

- Definitely, definitely. No, you def...

You are gonna have to process

some of this anger, man.

- No.

- Yo...

- Y'all excuse me.

- You know what?

You need to get in touch with Tyler,

and say "Tyler, I love you, man".

What? N*gger, please.

OK, go take your walk, honey.

I'll give you $20 for that leash.

Take it, fool. Turnin' down good money.

Yes, baby.

Kirby.

Kirby.

Come on, Kirb.

- Kirby.

- Did you lose your dog?

Yeah, I lost a white springer spaniel

with brown spots on, named Kirby.

- Real energetic dog. Did you see him?

- I haven't seen him.

I only took him off the leash

for a couple of seconds.

Kirby.

- He's like a family member, you know?

- I know. I feel the same about Brutus.

- I love my Brutus.

- I can see why.

- Do you walk him here every day?

- Yeah, I do.

Could you do me a favour? My name is

Marcus Graham. Here's my card.

If you bump into Kirby, could you call?

I'll have somebody pick him up.

OK. Well, good luck.

I sure hope you find him.

Thanks.

Kirb.

Kirby.

Let me give you my number. I won't

sleep until I know you've found him.

- Do you have a pen?

- Do I?

I have a pen right here, and...

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Bye-bye.

- Good luck.

Bye-bye.

Kirby?

Kirb?

Kirbster?

Marcus. Marcus.

I know you hear me, you slimy, sleazy,

sneaky, slitherin' son of a b*tch.

Keep it down. I'm gettin' ready

to have some company, OK?

- So, who's the victim tonight?

- Yvonne, I don't feel like playin'. Stop.

Why don't you just tell her you're gonna

use her, then dump her like you did me?

Excuse me. Excuse me.

I did not dump you.

We went out, it was whack,

and it was your fault, and I wish...

Look, why don't you get over it and go

find another man? Get outta here.

I hope you catch a disease

and your dick falls off.

I'd expect you to say something crass.

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