Breakin' All the Rules

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Why can't he use the doggy door?

He doesn't understand.

It's too new.

Your dog?

Your house.

- Did you see the paper?

- No.

The old man is stepping down.

- What?

- Junior's taking over. The king's dead.

- What a way to let us know.

- Tell me about it.

New York is putting him in charge of

both magazines. Consolidation.

Sales is tight. There could be some

layoffs in editorial, so watch your ass.

Hi, Mr. Gascon would like to see you.

Mr. Gascon Jr., that is.

Hey.

- We're getting fired, aren't we?

- I don't know.

Man. I just broke up with my girl

last Thursday. That was stupid.

Now I'm gonna have no job

and no girl.

I'll end up pushing mochas

at Starbucks.

How about you, Quincy?

You still going with that model?

- Helen.

- Don't break up.

No stress. Tonight, we're announcing

our engagement at the Zig Zag Club.

- You need to be there.

- After work?

- Yeah.

- After work could be in 10 minutes.

Mr. Gascon won't need

to see you. Thanks.

- See?

- Really? So I can go?

You can go. I'm sorry.

- Mr. Watson, he's ready for you.

- Just me?

- Excuse me.

- No, excuse me.

As you've probably heard, Quincy,

the company's downsizing.

Yeah, I heard that.

I have a problem, Quincy.

I've gotta let 15 percent of staff go.

It's unfortunate, and it's necessary.

Yeah.

Now, I see in your resume...

...you went to graduate school

in psychology for a year.

Berkeley.

- You're familiar with crazy people.

- Mostly from living in L.A.

Okay. What do you know

about firing people?

- How's that?

- I don't know. Firing.

Just laying off, in general.

Employee termination, yeah.

There are several studies out.

I haven't studied it myself. Why?

Do you know the name

Jeffrey Jasper?

- Yeah, the guy from New Jersey.

- That's it. Got fired.

Got a gun. Got drunk.

Shot 10 executives in the stomach.

Well, I don't want to be Jaspered.

I'd like you to put together...

I don't know, a guideline

or a set of procedural outlines.

Wouldn't Mr. Peters from

human resources be more qualified?

He probably would.

I fired him this morning.

He didn't like it.

Said he'd kill me with a golf club.

- Mr. Peters?

- A MacGregor 3 Iron. Very specific.

I'd like those guidelines on my desk

by Friday afternoon.

- Is that gonna be a problem?

- No, sir.

Helen?

Helen?

Never can be too careful.

Watch out.

Oh, my bad.

You all right?

"See you tonight, love..."

Love you too.

"Terminatiin if Empliyees:

Psychiligical Strategies

fir Empliyers.

Got somebody you wanna fire?"

Q, relax.

She's gonna be here, all right? Relax.

All right, hey. Let me get the toast.

- To my cousin Q.

- Yes.

To having sex with the same woman

for the rest of your life...

...over and over and over again.

In so many different positions.

Don't you sleep on that.

That's what you need to do too.

If she don't hurry...

- Relax. She's gonna be here.

- I'm good.

- You good, but I'm...

- There she is, right there.

There he go. There he go.

Where you been, huh?

Everybody is waiting on you.

You got Evan, Greg, Lamont, Trey,

everybody here. Where your girls?

- They're not coming.

- Okay. Why not?

- I didn't invite them.

- You wanna break it to them later?

What? You wanna get a little kissy

or something back here in the back?

- I'm getting a bad feeling about this.

- You don't wanna get engaged now?

Please don't be mad. But I think we

should take some time off.

Away from each other.

Think things through.

- For what?

- Everything between us is too right.

- Too easy. Never dramatic.

- What are you talking about?

I'm 25 years old and still waiting

for that, you know, grand passion.

I mean, it's not your fault.

You just don't do grand.

You don't do sweeping,

romantic gestures.

Look, I wanna marry you. I wanna

spend the rest of my life with you.

Ain't that grand and sweeping?

At least sweeping?

See, you just don't get it. I need to be

away from you for a while.

- What did I do to you?

- I am so sorry.

You gonna make these people

think I hit you. Where you going?

- It's not important.

- It's important to me.

- You don't wanna know.

- Girl, I wanna know.

- No, you don't.

- Girl, you better tell me where.

What, you crying?

I'm going to Paris with Tony...

- You going to Paris with who?

...tomorrow.

You're going to Paris

with my best man?

And I gathered these people

to announce my engagement?

I was gonna send a letter,

but it's not fair.

Are you high? Are you smoking?

Write me a letter?

- Oh, write me a postcard from Paris?

- No. It wouldn't have been a postcard.

You know that I love you.

Girl, I don't even know who you are.

You somebody else right now.

You a alien right now.

Helen, Helen. Girl, don't...

- I think she just kicked him to the curb.

- Lord, have mercy.

Quincy.

- Quincy. What are you doing?

- Hey, Mr. Gascon. Hey.

You got a handle on it?

- A handle on what?

- On the firing.

Yeah. I've researched.

Got everything together.

- Okay. All right. Excellent.

- Yeah, yeah.

- All right, here you go.

- Okay. All right. I see names.

- What is...? What is this?

- Yeah. Well...

...it's just a little

hands-on experience.

Right. I don't understand

what you're talking about.

Come on. What?

Don't go daft on me here.

- I'm not. Yeah.

- It's a list of people who need to be...

...fired.

- What? You want me to do it?

- Of course. You're the expert.

- No, wait a minute.

I was just doing the research. I didn't

know you were about to fire people.

Yeah. No, no.

Well, see, I thought I was clear.

- No, no.

- Well, then that's my error. All right.

- Sorry. Sorry.

- Okay. Okay.

- Well, let me know how it goes.

- Mr. Gascon, listen.

- I am not comfortable with this.

- Well, of course not.

To feel comfortable,

you'd have to be a monster.

- Yeah, yeah.

- No, you're no monster. Neither am I.

- Right, right.

- I just happen to be in the position...

...to delegate, and you are not.

Hey, good luck.

- Quincy. What's happening, man?

- Hey, nothing.

- You look awful.

- Thanks.

- Looks like it was quite a blowout.

- Yeah, I was blown out.

- All right. So, what's up?

- This and that.

- This and that?

- Yeah.

- Sandra said you wanted to see me.

- Yeah.

- So it's like that, huh?

- Look...

That's cool.

Sh*t!

- Make sure Mr. Gascon gets this.

- Sure.

Q.

Q. Come on, open up the door, man.

Oh, Q. Man, what you wearing, Q?

- You know, it feels good on my skin.

- You gonna let me in?

- What you want?

- That's for what.

Your mother,

my auntie's been calling me...

...every day early for a week.

She's worried about you.

- You can't call her?

- Been busy.

- You been busy?

- I've been busy.

- Move out...

- Watch the piss.

- What's that?

- You so in a hurry, you ain't looking.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

- See, this is disturbing, Q.

- Kind of a mess, huh?

It's like an outer extension of disease.

Where's your stuff?

Helen, you know, she took some stuff.

Took a TV.

Left me with the dog and a

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