Breakin' All the Rules Page #3

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"letting go," "getting rid of," "losing."

- Another employee?

- It's my girlfriend.

You want me to help you

fire your girl?

Well, no, if only you could.

No, no. I've gotta do this myself.

I'm not gonna delegate this.

I would if I could, but I can't. It's just...

...I am at my wit's end. This woman...

God, she has a power over me.

Just a... It's like a voodoo, hoodoo,

she do! She's got me.

I am... I'm not in control.

No. This is not me.

Hi, it's Sandra.

You asked me to tell you

if there was anything to know.

- Mr. Gascin has briught in a ringer.

- I need a professional.

- Breakup professional?

- Breakup professional.

- Me?

- You.

- Him.

- You've got to help me.

No, it's a disaster. My God.

Amy, I look like a bigheaded alien.

No, Evan's gonna freak.

No, I don't know what I did. It's ugly.

Oh, Jesus. Would you stop

with the "perfect couple" crap?

No, no, I don't look like Halle Berry.

I look like her Yorkshire terrier.

Okay. No, I gotta go.

Nicky.

- Nicky.

- I'm in the bedroom.

All right, come on.

We're gonna be late.

- Did you hear me?

- I'm not coming out.

- What?

- Never. I'm never coming out.

- What are you doing up there?

- Nothing.

You're doing nothing in

the bedroom?

- Yeah.

- And why are you never coming out?

- Because I'm hiding.

- And why are you hiding?

Baby, we need to talk.

Damn, he did jinx me.

Prepare yourself.

God.

Evan?

Hey, Evan?

Evan?

- What's up, Q?

- What you doing here?

I was driving by and saw

you had the lights on.

- That's why I'm here.

- What's with the hitting?

- You jinxed me, man. I knew it.

- I'm gonna whup your ass.

- You know what happened?

- What?

- She tried to break up with me.

- What?

"What?" She was being evasive

and she was hiding...

...and you know what she said to me?

"Baby, we need to talk."

- Yeah, that sounds familiar, don't it?

- What did you say?

What do you mean?

I preempted the strike. I ran.

You was gonna break up anyway.

I was gonna break up with her.

You feeling that? I with her.

There's a world of difference.

But it's cool because I have a plan.

This the plan, okay? I made plans

to meet her at the Zig Zag at 9:00.

- Oh, come on.

- So you're gonna show up there.

Yiu tell her I'm ginna be late.

Yiu're ginna talk me up.

Tell her what a great guy I am...

...hiw ciil it is fir her ti be with me.

Call me. I take it frim there.

- Where you gonna be?

- I'll be right here.

- Why you staying at my place?

- I can't go home. She'll find me there.

- Chapter 3.

- Chapter 3.

- You been reading.

- Come on.

That's why you're nervous.

Nicky?

- Maybe.

- Maybe not, huh? What is your name?

- No, I'm not Nicky. Sorry.

- Okay, that's the wrong name.

Excuse me. Quincy.

Did you ask me my name?

- No.

- You didn't just...?

- Okay, well, my name is Quincy.

- Okay.

- Mary.

- Mary, nice to meet you.

I was actually here because my cousin

sent me to find his girlfriend.

She has long hair.

I never realized how many women...

...in L.A. had long hair.

No other distinguishing characteristics

like a scar or a tattoo...

...dimples or something?

- Pretty smile.

No, not to my knowledge.

Maybe her description of you is

more detailed than yours of her.

She doesn't know me.

She thinks she's coming

to meet her boyfriend.

- But she's not?

- No, no. My cousin sent me because...

...for some reason, he is terrified

she's gonna break up with him.

Why would he think that?

Because she wants to talk.

He ever think she'd wanna

talk about something else?

You know women

when they just want to talk.

You guys, when y'all wanna talk,

y'all talk. And y'all talking.

- Just talky-talk.

- We're funny like that.

Really.

- What'd he expect you to do about it?

- He wants me to chat her up...

...tell her how great of a guy he is.

- That's really high-school.

- I said the same thing.

And the cold part is I gotta lie.

- He ain't great.

- What do you mean?

He's a misogynist.

He's a player, you know?

And he has a three-month

commitment clause.

- Really?

- Yeah, yeah. No, a firm policy.

- Sounds like a real peach.

- Even within the three months...

...he messes with other girls anyway.

So I'm like, "What's the deal?"

- Yeah, what is the deal?

- Enough. Want a drink?

Yeah, a bloody mary.

Can I get a double, please?

Mary likes bloody marys. That's cute.

Yeah. So, Quincy,

what is it that you do?

- I am an editor for Spiil magazine.

- Really?

Wow. You know,

you remind me of someone.

- You remind me of somebody too.

- Really?

Halle Berry.

You got that.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

- Q.

- No-show.

- Damn. That's a sign, isn't it?

- Like a flashing red light before a cliff.

Wanna go get something

to drink, man?

I can't, man. I just met this babe.

We might go get some dinner

and a club later.

I didn't mention that I wrote the book.

Is that dishonest?

You're on a date.

It's all dishonest.

All right.

Strange. You were gonna meet

your date, I was gonna meet mine.

And we meet each other

at the same time. Strange.

- That's not strange.

- No?

- No. You wanna hear strange?

- Give me strange.

- Teratomas.

- That's them little cookies?

- They come in a package?

- That's tiramisu.

Teratomas. They're tumors

that can grow inside our bodies...

...formed by all three

embryonic precursors.

- What does that mean?

- It means that they have hair...

...and skin and glands, so they sweat

like you are now, and brain tissue.

I saw one pulled out of a woman

the size of a basketball.

And when they cut it open,

she had a full row of teeth.

All the stuff that comes together

to form human life are there.

But somehow they dissemble into

something hideous. It's crazy.

So, what's the strangest thing

that you know?

Can't bite through your own skin.

- What?

- It's impossible.

First law of nature: self-preservation.

You can't do it, because you're selfish.

I can't bite through my own flesh,

because I'm too selfish?

- Try to.

- No.

- Bite into yourself.

- That's lame.

- Bite yourself.

- All right.

You want some hot sauce?

I can't bite into my skin,

because I'm sane.

It's the same thing, biologically

speaking. See, if you're not selfish...

...that means you're crazy

and you could do it.

What about if you care about someone

more than you care about yourself?

First, why would you do that?

Second, are you talking about love?

Yeah. Love.

If someone is in love, therefore

not selfish, then he or she is crazy...

...and could bite through

his or her own flesh.

So being in love and being crazy

are one and the same?

It's obvious.

- Wanna bite your other hand?

- No.

Wanna bite me? I'm tender.

I'm moist. I'm loving.

Hello.

Quincy Watson, I presume?

Yeah. Yeah, that's me. Quincy.

Quincy Watson.

What's up? Come on.

- I'm Rita Monroe.

- Oh, yes, you are, Rita.

- That's his way of saying hello.

- Oh, God.

"Hello, Rita."

- Drink?

- You do know why I'm here?

I do know. I do. Do...?

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