Breakin' All the Rules Page #6

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the loving person that I am...

...I could not really just

let you go.

- I just wanna break up.

- Of course you do.

Listen, we'll get a bottle of wine

and you can tell me all about it. Okay?

Come on. Come on. Buck up.

Rufus, my darling.

How's my little baby?

Rufus, it's me. Helen.

You stop that.

You have something

to say to me?

- Yeah.

- What?

You ever hear of this game,

the question game?

- No.

- It's real simple.

It's where you ask me a question,

I have to answer it truthfully.

I ask you a question,

and you have to answer it truthfully.

- Sounds slightly mean and dangerous.

- No.

How about I start it out?

What's your name again? Mary?

Nicky.

- Your turn.

- Okay.

What do you do?

I was an editor at Spiil magazine.

Then I wrote this handbook

on how to break up with your lover.

- How long have you known that?

- First night at the bar.

How long have you known

that my name wasn't Mary?

- Yesterday.

- So you didn't know that first night?

Hold on.

Why'd you go out with me?

Because you thought

I looked like Halle Berry.

- Who was that woman on the phone?

- I don't know.

No girlfriend in the shadows

with a frying pan?

Nope. None of that.

Do you love Evan?

I thought I did.

Once you knew who I was,

you planned to stop seeing me?

I can't do that. That's my cousin.

It's not right.

- But here you are.

- Here we are.

Why is that?

I'm crazy.

- How crazy?

- I'm crazy like:

Not a drop of blood.

What's a girl to think?

I'm bleeding internally.

Wait, wait.

Wait, Quincy, wait.

Wait. Maybe we shouldn't, Quincy.

- Why?

- You know why.

Yeah. You're right.

You're right.

I gotta talk to him.

Yeah. If we have wild sex tonight,

it would only complicate things.

Yeah, yeah. It would.

I'm tripping.

I'm gonna go talk to him.

You know what?

Maybe I should just go.

- You wanna go?

- You want me to?

- Not unless you want to.

- I don't.

- Don't go.

- Then why you bring it up?

- We could play a game.

- Naked Twister.

- No, I have a better game.

- Really?

- The fantasy game.

- The fantasy game.

- You sit over there. I'll be over here.

- All right.

You tell me one of

your favorite fantasies.

And I'll tell you one of mine.

- You can go first.

- Okay.

There's these baby chickens...

...and they're all oiled up.

You go first.

I gotta work mine out.

Okay. I'm asleep...

...in this...

...deep, beautiful sleep.

This stranger,

he comes into my bedroom.

And his lips...

And he tastes so sweet...

...like a Now and Later.

- Grape?

- Grape.

- Yeah, grape.

And then his lips are slowly...

...moving down my body

from my neck...

...to my breasts...

...to my belly.

I just can barely

catch my breath and...

Oh, this... It's like a slow...

...enormous explosion and...

Get off. What are you doing?

What? l...

The dream and the lips.

It was a fantasy.

- Oh, my...

- God.

You got me excited. I...

I was feeling...

- Oh, what the hell. Oh, God.

- Yeah.

Didn't work out, did it?

Somehow it turned into

a negotiation.

We started out far apart.

I wanted to break up,

she wanted to get engaged.

In the end, we forged a compromise.

- What was the compromise?

- We got engaged.

- Congratulations.

- Thank you.

- So you still want to break up?

- More than ever.

You know I believe in straightforward

honesty and direct dealings?

I have deep respect

for your philosophy.

Damn all that.

We gonna write a letter.

The letter states you've broken up.

Hell, I'll even write it. All right?

After that, all you do is change your

phone numbers, answering machine.

Take a vacation for two weeks,

somewhere exotic only you know of.

Don't you wanna be somewhere

so you can be naked...

...run on the beach,

have fun and frolic?

Frolic all you want, then come back

and you change up.

Change your habits.

Change your schedule for about...

...six months.

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Well, I can do that.

- Run naked somewhere, can't you?

I've got an ass,

and I'm gonna show it.

If it's what you want. I don't

wanna see it. Show your ass.

Okay, let's see some ass.

- Don't get naked right here.

- I can just run away!

All right. All right, man.

You scaring me.

You scar...

You are scaring me.

Evan. This cousin of yours

is a genius.

Don't forget to give me that letter.

About 7:
00? All right.

- Adios.

- What you give him?

- I need to holler at you.

- Got something to show you.

- Watch your eyes. Watch your eyes.

- Nicky?

- Who else?

- Thought you broke it off.

Q, the deeper the hole, the bigger

the romantic gesture to crawl out of it.

And this is a big gesture.

- You think she's interested?

- I know.

- How you know?

- I know.

- Her friend told me.

- No, she didn't.

- She did.

- Her dude?

She's just using some loser

to get to me, the real prize.

- You think he's a loser?

- I know he is.

I don't believe that.

That she'd choose that.

Believe it. I know Nicky, right?

I see where she's going with this.

She likes little games,

and I play along.

- Some games kind of kinky, right?

- Oh, man.

- Why you doing this?

- I love the woman, that's why.

- You don't think it's a good idea?

- No.

Set you up. I knew you'd say that.

You're about being safe and in control.

And this...

- This is crazy, right?

- When?

The master plan goes down tonight.

I'm so brilliant.

How you doing?

I'm looking for Nicky Callas.

I'm a good fiend of hers,

Quincy Watson.

You know, she's out for a few hours,

but why don't you leave a message.

Sure. Can you tell me

where she went?

No. No idea.

Make sure she gets this.

This is important.

- Okay?

- Of course.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Still on for tonight, aren't we?

- Sure.

- Nicky.

- No, it's Philip.

Are you bringing

that letter over yet?

- Yeah, I'm coming.

- Thank you, muchachi.

Surprise!

Well, I couldn't rush off to paradise

without celebrating a second printing.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Quincy Watson, author.

There he is, bigtime, bigtime.

Hey, I got a surprise for you.

It's in the back.

- You ain't seen Philip's girl, have you?

- I doubt she was invited.

- Good, good.

- Yeah.

- I thought you had to meet Nicky.

- It's being arranged.

Trust me, boy. No, hey, trust me.

Have I ever let you down?

Have I ever let you down?

- Hello, Quincy.

- Helen?

Yeah. What you doing here?

I'm back.

- Whose party is this?

- A friend's.

- I wanted to go to the movies.

- Don't be such a drag. It'll be fun.

It took me going away to realize...

...that it wasn't you

who needed to change...

...it was me.

You're perfect just...

...the way you are.

But I would do anything

to make it right again between us.

Amy, what have you done?

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna close my eyes now.

And you can either kiss me

or slap me.

I don't care.

Excuse me. Q.

I need to speak to you

for a minute. Now.

Oh, don't go.

Nicky's here. Yeah, yeah.

And Rita's here too.

- What?

- Oh, it's a long story, okay?

But I need you to go get Nicky

and bring her back here to me.

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