Brewster's Millions Page #7

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Dear sir. Could you settle this out of court

for a couple of hundred thousand dollars?

- Two ex-wives.

- Two ex-wives?

300,000?

You go to the doctor's right away, OK?

You give him this for a prescription...

and you'll be all right.

- Thank you.

- Have a good day!

Get a cold compress

for that thing on your head.

Nice man.

See, the cheque'll be a receipt.

I'm starving. I'm ready to go to

lunch now. I wanna meet your family.

Meet my family?

What do you wanna do? Buy 'em?

I would be ashamed

to introduce my family to you!

Angela! Wait. Listen to me.

Angela! Will you wait a minute? I did the

best I could. That wasn't that man's fault.

The first time you get

some money, what do you do?

You spend it and show off.

You just gave away $300,000!

Oh, my God.

Oh, look at that. Isn't that awful?

I don't believe it. How tasteless.

That girl is ungrateful, considering all the

things you've done to try to improve her.

I just think this is unforgivable.

Thank you.

You may not be interested

in what Marilyn and I are doing,...

..but we have a real shot

at getting our work into AD next month.

- AD?

- Architectural Digest.

That's wonderful.

I'm happy for you and Marilyn.

- Are you all right?

- I'm not very happy with this situation.

- You could have fooled me.

- What's that supposed to mean?

That you and Monty seem

to be getting along well.

Give everybody else in here whatever

they're drinking. Champagne, anything.

Yes, sir.

Drinks on the house!

Courtesy of Mr Brewster.

Monty Brewster's extravagance

k.nows no bounds.

After paying the highest-recorded

price for a stamp,...

..Brewster today shelled out

a record $600,000...

..for five cases of

114-year-old French wine.

He stunned the crowd at the auction house

by not only paying in cash for the wine,...

..but by opening all 60 bottles

at a reception for the public afterwards.

At $10,000 a bottle, that's gotta be the

most expensive hangover I've heard of.

- Angela?

- What?

I asked if your feelings had changed.

How can I make it any clearer?

Can you pay for the drinks and let's go?

The drinks are on Monty.

- Brewster?

- Yes?

Looks like you've got

a busy evening ahead of you.

Yeah, I'm too busy to have fun.

I gotta spend money.

- Mailing that stamp was quite ingenious.

- You like that? And the wine auction?

Again, very imaginative. I understand

it cost $600,000, according to Miss Drake.

There she goes again, as usual.

I am tired of acting like a rich

a**hole for everybody. I'm fed up.

I should've took Uncle Rupert's wimp

clause. I don't think I can pull this off.

I don't know, but that baseball game

you're planning sounds like a good step.

My left leg. See? I planted it

down wrong. I was off balance.

Ooh! Go ahead, Monty.

Now that's the Monty I know.

Hi, Monty. How's it going, buddy?

- Tell him the good news.

- You tell him.

- I got good news and bad news.

- Tell him the bad news first.

The bad news is I did what you wanted me

to do. I got rid of your lceberg stocks.

- That's great.

- You ready for the good news?

I took Eugene's advice. I admit, without

you knowing, I used the corporate name.

- I made some investments for you.

- That's OK.

What did I buy?

A commodity thing, an oil well...

- He just made you $10 million.

- $10 million!

- Woo-hoo hoo! Yee-ha ha!

- Isn't that wonderful?

Ten million, ten million,

ten million dollars!

No! Damn it!

I'm right back where I started, damn it!

Jesus.

$10 million. $10 million.

What's the matter, Monty?

I make the guy $10 million

and he acts like it's a funeral.

It's American money.

Congratulations.

About that furniture

you wanted us to rent.

I'm afraid the company requires

a substantial cash deposit. $20,000.

$20,000. Hey, don't forget.

To give Angela the receipt? I know.

- Have to keep those books straight.

- Yeah.

So long.

I'd like to be alone... by myself.

No problem. You must be getting

psyched up for the Yankee game.

He always does this. He gets cranky cos

he's getting psyched up for a big game.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

This time we'll just leave him alone.

- I don't get it.

- Yeah, what is with him?

- We should consider psychiatric help.

- What are you? Nuts?

OK.

With two week.s until the election,

this station is sorry to report...

..that it is unable to endorse either of

the candidates for mayor of New York..

Both Mr Heller and Mr Salvino have been

pumping scandalous amounts of money...

..into slick. advertising campaigns that, so

far, have only demonstrated their ability...

..to slander each other

and squander campaign contributions.

In the view of this station, the only

issue being raised by this debate...

..is whether the city

of New York. is for sale,...

..andjust how much slush money

it will tak.e to buy it.

Running for office is expensive, and it's

unheard of to do it with your own money.

- Yeah. What's he know about politics?

- He's trying to do some good.

I've figured this out. That's why

he gets upset when he makes a profit.

It makes him feel guilty. He's trying

to do the right thing for once in his life.

Mr Brewster! Mr Brewster!

Mr Brewster, could you

give us your reasons...

..for your sudden

and unexpected candidacy?

I figure voting for Salvino or Heller is

just as silly as them running for office.

That's as silly as me running for office.

What is not silly is the power

of the people's vote.

I think the people should use

it to vote for...

..none of the above!

Are we to understand that you don't

actually want anyone to vote for you?

What I'm saying is I think

only an idiot would vote for me.

Mr Brewster, have you taken positions

on any of the issues facing the city?

Sanitation, union corruption...

The bottom line is

I'm here to buy your votes.

With only 10 days left

before the election,...

..how will you find support

for that position?

I don't expect support. I'm asking people

not to send money in to my candidacy.

They should keep their money.

They'll need it after this election.

Monty Brewster. That's me, right?

Tonight, I'm here to talk to you

about "None of the above".

You know how, at election time,

you decide not to vote...

..because the two candidates

are so repulsive?

Repulsive's not the word.

We 're all full of sh*t.

I didn't think you could use

that kind of language on television.

Maybe he's just trying

to get his point across.

I never wear a suit and a tie. Never.

These are just things politicians use to

trick. you into think.ing they're respectable.

Well... to the politician, huh?

- He bought prime time on every station?

- Worse than that, he's on network.

He's running spots in all 52 states

in case any New Yorkers are on vacation.

Write in "None of the above"

on your ballot.

Don't vote for any of us. We 're a**holes.

We 'll only mak.e things worse.

Let's drink. to it.

I wanna thank you

for coming out today...

..to see to it that neither my opponents

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