Bridget Jones's Baby Page #11

CATHY (CONT’D)

Ooh, you’ve got a little grey patch

here, shall I...

Before he has a chance to reply she whips out a pair of

scissors and snips off a lock of hair. She secretly puts it

in a plastic zip-loc bag.

CATHY (CONT’D)

And this silver fox’s nails could

do with a little bit of a trim too.

Ooh, these hands have not seen a

days manual labour. They’re silky

soft.

Bridget gives a thumbs up. Jack looks perplexed.

JACK:

Wow, real attention to detail. I

could get used to this.

Cathy laughs.

CATHY:

Now tell me, Jack, do you by any

chance like Chinese food?

SHOOTING SCRIPT. 53

86 INT. GALLERY. NIGHT. 86

A nervous Bridget talks into Miranda’s earpiece.

BRIDGET:

OK, coming out of the VT in 5,4,

and remember - gear shift.

87 INT. STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT. 87

Miranda puts on a concerned face as the Floor Manager counts

her down.

MIRANDA:

And we have a number for a helpline

on our website.

(Perking up)

But now though, I’m joined by Jack

Quant. Raised by a single mother in

Baltimore, he won a scholarship to

Harvard at 17, created the website

that made him a billionaire and

he’s here today to tell us all

about his number one bestseller,

QWANTUM LEAP. It’s absolutely

wonderful to have you on the sofa.

Miranda is in full flirt mode.

JACK:

It’s great to be here.

88 INT.GALLERY. NIGHT. 88

Bridget talks into her earpiece.

BRIDGET:

Can you please try not to shag him

on air.

Alice comes over and leans in.

ALICE:

This is dynamite, tell her to flirt

more.

89 INT. STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT. 89

MIRANDA:

Now we’re going to be talking about

your new book of course, but first

let’s talk about romance. We found

this picture of you from your

college days.

Up pops a Maths faculty photo showing seven of the geekiest

looking boys imaginable - all glasses, braces and

awkwardness.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

54

JACK:

(smiling)

Wow - you’ve done your research.

I’m the good-looking one at the

front right!

MIRANDA:

You’ve changed a lot since then and

Qwantify has brought true love to

millions...Has it worked for you?

JACK:

(easy charm)

If I answer that, can we move on

and talk about my book?

Miranda nods.

JACK (CONT’D)

Ok then, some people had Farrah

Fawcett as their first crush, but

my first love was an algorithm.

90 INT. GALLERY. NIGHT. 90

Alice’s face goes black.

ALICE:

And we’ve lost them... if he

carries on talking about

‘algorithms’ I’m cutting to that VT

of cats who look like Hitler.

Bridget steels herself, speaks into the earpiece.

BRIDGET:

He’s avoiding the question. Get him

off maths. Ask him if he’s with

anyone now...

91 INT. HARD NEWS, STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT. 91

MIRANDA:

So, for someone so good at

matchmaking is there someone

special in your life?

JACK:

Ha! Apart from Downton’s Lady Mary?

I thought we were moving on now...

92 INT. GALLERY. NIGHT. 92

ALICE:

Cue Hitler Cats!

A picture comes on the monitor of a cat that looks exactly

like Hitler - all ready to roll.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

55

Bridget now has the bit between her teeth...

BRIDGET MIRANDA:

Don’t be evasive, it’s Don’t be evasive, it’s

apparent you have everything, apparent you have everything,

but why have you chosen to but why have you chosen to

have no family, no children? have no family, no children?

RICHARD FINCH:

Brilliant, zoom in on 4.

ALICE:

Love it!

93 OMITTED 93

93A OMITTED 93A

93B INT. HARD NEWS. STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT. 93B

Jack is a little bit rattled.

JACK:

Look, I love kids, but I always

found the idea of being a father

myself kind of petrifying. That’s

why I’m drawn to algorithms.

They’re rational, predictable.

Everything a child isn’t.

Cut to Bridget - her face drops.

Miranda flinches as she hears the next question come down the

earpiece. She steels herself and becomes all Paxmanesque.

BRIDGET MIRANDA:

So, can you have children? So can you have children? Are

Are the soldiers working? the soldiers working?

Jack looks shocked and the crew look confused.

JACK (CONT’D)

Well... I believe so, the barracks

are in pretty regular use.

93C INT. GALLERY. SAME TIME. 93C

BRIDGET MIRANDA:

Really, because for somebody Really, because for somebody

with a supposed algorithm for with a supposed algorithm for

love, isn’t it odd that love, isn’t it odd that

you’ve never found it? you’ve never found it?

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

56

93D INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. NIGHT. 93D

JACK:

Well I suppose in order to find

something you have to actively look

for it, and I guess I work so hard

these days, I haven’t got time.

93E OMITTED 93E

93F OMITTED 93F

94 INT. GALLERY. NIGHT. 94

BRIDGET MIRANDA:

How much do you know about How much do you know about

the Quant family bloodline? the Quant family bloodline?

Any skeletons in the closet? Any skeletons in the closet?

Sexual deviants...Criminal Sexual deviants...Criminal

records...Serial killers...? records...Serial killers...?

Alice now looks confused, as does everybody in the gallery at

this random non-sequitur.

95 INT. HARD NEWS. STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT. 95

Jack now looks totally perplexed.

JACK:

I’m sorry, I’m not sure where we

are going with all of this, but in

all honesty, I have to be wary. I

can attract the wrong type of

women.

He looks around and recognizes Bridget in the gallery.

JACK (CONT'D)

You wouldn’t believe some of the

weirdos who cross my path.

Seeing him see her, she takes evasive action and ducks behind

her desk. Unfortunately, her headphone lead doesn’t extend

far enough and she ends up jolting her head back and having

to lean at forty-five degrees to the floor.

96 INT. GALLERY. NIGHT. 96

Bridget, still at forty-five degrees to the floor, everyone

in the gallery staring at her like a lunatic.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

57

BRIDGET:

(Floundering)

F***! Ask him something about

algorithms.

97 INT. RECEPTION. HARD NEWS. NIGHT. 97

A furtive Bridget tries to sneak out of the building when she

finds...

JACK:

Well how about seeing you here.

BRIDGET:

Oh, hi! Great to see you, I’m

sorry, I wanted to come and find

you, say hello, but you know what

live TV is like, so chaotic...

JACK:

You know, there are easier ways to

get in touch with me than inviting

me on national TV to ask me about

my sperm.

BRIDGET:

What? No... I...

JACK:

Because I would have liked to have

heard from you. I was disappointed

when I came back that morning and

you’d gone.

BRIDGET:

You were?

JACK:

We had an amazing night. I thought

you were great, at least I did,

before I became a clip on ‘The

fifty most embarrassing chat show

moments of all time’.

BRIDGET:

I’m sorry... I don’t know how to

explain it...

(deep breath)

...The thing is...I’m pregnant.

JACK:

Wow! Congratulations, that’s so

much better than you being mental.

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