Bridget Jones's Baby Page #12

BRIDGET:

Around twelve weeks.

JACK:

Oh... Wait... You mean... The

Festival?

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58

Bridget nods. Jack looks dumbstruck.

BRIDGET:

Yes, it’s quite a surprise. But

I’m fine. I just want you to know

I’m not looking for anything from

you...

JACK:

(laughing nervously)

Except for a complete DNA check and

review of my medical records.

Bridget embarrassed. Awkward.

BRIDGET:

I’m sorry about - in there. I

suppose I wanted to find out more

about you, in case you,..., in case

we...Look, the thing is, I didn’t

really mean for you to find out

about this.

Bridget points to her tummy.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

And of course, obviously, you’ll

want your lawyers or whoever you

have checking for the ‘weirdos who

cross your path’, make sure I’m not

one of those...

JACK:

Right, I didn’t have you down as

one of those. Forgive me, I’m a

little in shock, this wasn’t what I

was expecting.

BRIDGET:

And I‘m feeling very foolish right

now, so if it’s ok with you, I will

just retreat gracefully. Thank you.

Good-bye.

She goes. Leaving JACK feeling a great wash of mixed

emotions.

Jack sees Miranda scuttling past.

JACK:

Hold it, Katie Couric! I need to

talk to you.

98 INT. ANTE-NATAL CLINIC. DAY. 3 MONTHS. 98

JACK’S hair and fingernails are in the zip-loc bag on a

medical trolley.

BRIDGET:

So, the baby’s okay?

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59

DR.RAWLINGS

Sound as a bell.

A great, beatific smile breaks out on Bridget’s face. Pure

joy...

The baby’s image comes up on the screen, Dr. Rawlings melts

into the background as Bridget becomes mesmerized by what’s

on the monitor.

BRIDGET:

Oh my god, is that it?

Bridget starts to laugh and then to cry.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

Is it alright?

DR. RAWLINGS

Perfect. You’re approximately 12

weeks along. Listen.

Dr Rawlings turns up the sound and there it is - the

heartbeat. Bridget looks smitten.

Dr. Rawlings goes out to organise the amniocentesis needle.

DR. RAWLINGS (CONT’D)

I’m glad you’ve decided on the

amniocentesis.

Bridget doesn’t hear this. She is staring at the image.

Suddenly a tiny hand is raised, this little bean of life.

Bridget smiles, tears pricking her eyes. Tiny feet are just

visible.

BRIDGET:

Hello you. Wow. Is that your foot

or your ear? You have big feet.

Ooh, look at you waving already.

Hi! You’re obviously very advanced.

Quite the genius. This is it, this

is - you’re the best thing I’ve

ever seen. This wasn’t quite how I

planned to bring you into the world

but I’ll certainly try my best. So

you just keep snug and safe in

there while I try and sort the mess

out here and hopefully...

A pause.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

What the F*** is that?

Dr. Rawlings has come back in and is bearing down on her with

the amnio needle. It’s ENORMOUS.

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60

DR. RAWLINGS

The amniocentesis needle. We pop it

in and get a tiny bit of fluid

which we can use to check for any

abnormalities and, of course, for

the DNA sample you need.

Bridget’s eyes widen.

DR. RAWLINGS (CONT’D)

Now there is a very slight risk of

miscarriage so you’ll have to keep

extremely still to make sure the

needle doesn’t come into contact

with the -

BRIDGET:

- oh, no, no. That’s INSANE!

She gets up, clutching her midriff and backing away.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

What kind of a maniac would stick a

needle in a baby? Put it away, you

monster, put it away - Come on

little one. I’m taking you home.

She exits the cubicle, leaving the bewildered Dr. Rawlings

holding the needle.

99 INT. BRIDGET’S FLAT. SITTING ROOM. DAY. 99

Bridget comes into the flat, she flops on the sofa and

unwraps a baby outfit.

BRIDGET:

I know they say it’s bad luck to

buy things for a baby before it’s

born, but I beg to differ. I think

it’s good planning. After all, who

doesn’t want to plan the outfit for

their big entrance? And you are

going to make such an entrance!

Bridget gets a piece of paper and a pen. She starts to draw.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

You know what, we’re going to be

fine. I’m sure of it. In Africa

they say it takes a whole village

to raise a child - Look, I’ll show

you our village... Look, there’s

you and me.

She draws a big smiley face in the middle of the paper with a

body and another, much smaller smiley face inside it. She

draws ‘spokes’ out from the faces.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

There’s Miranda, Tom and Shaz, in

reality they all have hands, but

hands are very tricky to draw.

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61

She draws a cartoon of the friends, they all have stumpy

hands. She draws a cartoon of Jude at the end of the second

spoke. She’s surrounded with lots of babies.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

There’s Jude and she’s got four

babies already and you’re all going

to be great friends!

She draws two more smiley faces at the end of the third.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

There’s Mum and Dad. They’ll spoil

you rotten, once I actually tell

them you exist.

Then, at the end of the fourth spoke, she draws Jack.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

There’s Jack, who we probably need

to - get to know a little bit

better before we decide about him,

but according to Google he does

have his own helicopter.

She adds a helicopter.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

I know that looks like a cat, but

it is in fact a helicopter.

And finally, at the end of the fifth spoke, she draws Mark.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

-and there’s Mark who will find

this a bit messy and modern, but

we’ll cross that bridge when we

come to it.

She looks at her drawing - it seems to comfort her, the

smiley faces surrounded by lots of other little smiley

figures. She pats her tummy.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

What?

There is a small pause. Bridget listens.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

What’s that? I ought to tell Mark

too? That’s very mature of you. No,

you’re right. Absolutely. I

absolutely must. I’ve been avoiding

it. You’re right. Would you like a

Aero or crisps? ... What’s that?

Both, you say?

100 INT. THE SUPREME COURT. DAY

Bridget walks into the imposing lobby, looking apprehensive.

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62

BRIDGET (V.O.)

Mark, I have some exciting news.

Mark, I have the funniest story to

tell you. Mark, I’m up the duff.

She takes a deep breath and heads towards the courtrooms.

101 INT. MAIN COURTROOM. DAY.

Bridget enters the public gallery. She can see Mark Darcy, in

wig and gown, getting to his feet. Nine supreme court judges

are seated, smart in their suits. Mark is dashing,

authoritative and incredibly impressive.

MARK:

My Lords, there is only one fraud

that has been committed here and it

is this. To use the laws of one

country to try to destroy the

freedom of speech of another. A

Trojan Horse to take away the right

of these brave young women to speak

the truth about the reality of

their beloved country.

In the dock are four ‘Poonani’ singers, wearing anti

government T-shirts.

MARK (CONT’D)

You may not like their music and

for that I cannot blame you. They

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