Bridget Jones's Baby Page #18

Mark sits in his office, late at night, reading studiously

with a glass of wine and takeaway on his desk. His assistant

Pierce pops his head in.

MARK:

You should leave, I’m just going

over some of the details on the Al

Bashir case.

PIERCE:

Absolutely. I think knowledge of

‘problems of breech delivery’ may

be crucial in proving the Sudanese

are using aid money to fund the

SPLM insurgents.

REVEAL:
Mark is not looking at his briefs but instead is

studying ‘The Expectant Dad’s Handbook’ and has other

Pregnancy/baby books strewn on his desk. He has been busted.

MARK:

When you had Charlie did it all

come naturally? Did you know you

were going to be a good Dad?

Mark, troubled.

PIERCE:

All the books in the world won’t

prepare you for what’s about to

happen, but for what it’s worth, I

think you’ll make an amazing

father.

Pierce leaves.

123 INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE. DAY. 123

Back at the ante-natal class, all the same people, new week.

Today the partners are standing behind their wives as Daisy

demonstrates massage techniques. Every woman has one man

behind her apart from Bridget, who has Mark and Jack, vying

for pole position.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

89

DAISY:

And of course massage can have many

benefits throughout pregnancy, can

we name some of them?

Jack’s hand shoots up.

JACK:

It can lower stress and promotes

feel-good hormones.

Mark shoots his hand up.

MARK:

And to be safe, it should also be

avoided in instances of high-risk

pregnancy for example where there

is a geriatric mother.

Bridget looks slightly put out. Everybody laughs, Mark looks

embarrassed.

DAISY:

Right, excellent, someone’s been

reading up. Let’s put some theory

into practice.

A super enthusiastic Jack grabs Bridget, manoeuvres her into

position and takes control.

DAISY (CONT’D)

Take an unclenched fist and begin

at the nape of your partner’s neck.

Jack sets about this and Bridget can’t help but swoon with

pleasure, he’s great at it.

Mark stands awkwardly, pathetically, by the side - the only

person in the place not either massaging or being massaged.

Daisy spots him.

DAISY (CONT’D)

Oh, erm... do you want a go...?

MARK:

It’s Mark, I think I’ll probably

leave it to Jack, he seems to have

it covered.

JACK:

(Mischievously)

You’re so sweet, that’s why I love

you, pumpkin.

A huge, lumbering, tattooed Neanderthal man looks over to

them and turns to his wife.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

90

NEANDERTHAL GUY:

Lovely couple, it’s great that they

get to enjoy the miracle of

childbirth.

124 OMITTED 124

125 OMITTED 125

126 OMITTED 126

126A INT. MARK’S BEDROOM. DAY. 126A

Mark is on his computer, he appears to be deep in work,

but...

REVEAL:
His computer screen shows the QWANTIFY website, he

has put his details in and there are pictures of him and

Bridget and a Graphic that reads ‘COMPATABILITY 3%’.

A page comes up of suggested matches - photos of slightly

stern masculine women who look just like Mark.

126AA INT. HARD NEWS OFFICES. DAY 126AA

Bridget is working intently at her desk. She gets a pain and

reaches for her stomach. She looks around for help, all the

hipsters are busy working away at their stations wearing

oversized headphones, oblivious to her.

126AB INT. COURT. DAY. 126AB

Mark is addressing the court.

MARK:

My lady, may I please make an

application for leave to appeal in

the case of H.M. Government and

Saddiq Al Bashir. As your Ladyship

is no doubt aware, Mr Al Bashir

lost his case in the court of

appeal and he now seeks this courts

leave to appeal on a point of law

of public importance, namely, the

question of whether permission for

the electronic intercepts of his

phone was lawfully granted by the

Foreign Secretary. As it stands,

the law on intercept warrants lacks

clarity and on our proposed appeal

we shall be inviting your

Ladyship’s court to give greater

definition to the Home Secretary’s

powers and duties.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

91

C/U:
Mark’s mobile phone vibrates silently by his papers, out

of his sight.

There are six missed calls from Bridget and a group text to

Mark and Jack.

“ON MY WAY TO HOSPITAL. STOMACH PAINS. WORRIED”

126B INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY 126B

Bridget sits on an examination couch in a blue robe. Jack

sits next to her.

DR RAWLINGS:

Gherkins, anchovies, banana juice,

Pringles? Its the combination

that’s done it. Any baby would

need a nap after that.

BRIDGET:

So essentially...

DR RAWLINGS:

Wind.

DR. RAWLINGS leaves. Jack smiles reassuringly, putting his

arms round her.

126BA INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM. DAY. 126BA

Dr. Rawlings enters the waiting room and sees Mark Darcy at

reception. Mark approaches Dr. Rawlings.

MARK:

How’s Bridget? Is everything

alright?

Dr. Rawlings subtly moves to block the window and then makes

Mark face the other way round so that he can’t see Jack.

DR RAWLINGS:

She’s fine. She’s currently in

there with Dr... Pringle...

As she says this, through the window, they see Jack and

Bridget laughing.

DR RAWLINGS (CONT’D)

He has a very unique bedside

manner, its new technique we’re

trialling out of Oslo.

MARK:

It’s fine, I know about Jack, but

thank you, Doctor.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

92

DR RAWLINGS:

Oh, for heaven’s sake, why didn’t

you tell me before. She’s fine,

he’s done very well and calmed her

down completely.

Mark pauses a moment, looking through the window.

126C INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY 126C

Bridget and Jack are mid conversation as Mark enters the

room. Her face lights up.

BRIDGET:

Hi.

MARK:

I’m sorry. I just got your

messages. I was in court.

BRIDGET:

That’s alright. Can’t be helped.

Freedom of speech needs to be

defended.

Mark’s phone rings.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

You should take it. It might be

work.

JACK:

It’s totally fine. I have it

covered.

MARK:

Yes. I can see that.

JACK:

C’mon buddy, you need to take a

chill pill. We’ve got to do this

together. In Peru, the UM BAT DO

consider paternity a task to be

shared among many tribesman.

MARK:

Well, unfortunately we UM BAT DON’T

live in Peru, I live in Ealing.

Bridget looks from Mark to Jack.

BRIDGET:

Stop it. We’re not in the 18th

century and this isn’t pistols at

dawn to prove who’s the better man.

JACK:

Look, the vibes are bad for the

baby. Let’s go talk it out.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

93

BRIDGET:

Yes, that would be better. Thank

you. Won’t be a minute...

Jack follows Mark out into the waiting room.

JACK:

Why are you so angry....

126D OMITTED 126D

126E INT. HOSPITAL MAIN RECEPTION. DAY. 126E

JACK:

Hey buddy why are you so angry?

MARK:

You know what? I’m really not yourbuddy, I don’t know about vibes ornegative energy or prenatal windand even less about algorithms andautomated reasoning, so I’ll admitthat I struggle to understand thelaws of attraction especially when

I apply them to myself. Bridgetjust defies comprehensiongenerally. But despite, or perhapsowing to, the bewildering litany ofcatastrophes I’ve witnessed overthe last forty years, I feel I knowher rather well and have spentevery one of those years caring forher very deeply. In doing so I maybe going expressly against my ownbetter judgment but there’s nothingI can do about it.

(CONT’D)

JACK:

Do about it? You could try beingaround a little instead of savingthe world by cell phone. I make herfeel happy, Mark.

MARK:

And I suppose your algorithm tellsyou that you and Bridget aredestined to be together, does it?

JACK:

Actually it does, and the fact thatyou have been trying and failing tomake it work with each other for

the last ten years should tell youthat maybe you are not.

This hits Mark hard. Jack relents.

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