Bridget Jones's Baby Page #2

8 INT. BEDROOM. BRIDGET’S FLAT. NIGHT 8

Bridget lies in her bed.

On one bedside table is a pile of serious political tomes and

on the other, some self-help books. “Spinsterhood is the new

Feminism”, “Jog yourself Happy”, A 5:2 diet book with an

empty Kit-Kat wrapper on top, and on the floor in a pile of

dirty clothes “The Life Changing Powers of Tidying” She opts

for none of these, and picks up her iPad with a red cover and

types.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

6

BRIDGET (V.O.)

If today has taught me anything,

it’s that life is short, you’ve got

to seize the day, stop making the

same mistakes, stop looking back

and... and not be dissuaded by the

very simple fact that the future,

seems to be something-

Suddenly the screen goes black. Bridget drags a charger and a

stray bra tangled in the wires across the floor. Plugs it in.

She then tries to get back in bed with the iPad, but realizes

the lead is just too short to reach.

BRIDGET (V.O.)

...that happens to everyone else

whilst I am still scrabbling around

for an iPad charger.

She attempts to lean out of her bed and continue to type, but

realizes it’s too awkward and uncomfortable.

BRIDGET:

(randomly)

I mean, it’s not like we even had

that much in common when it came

down to it.

She gives up and switches off her light.

9 INT. BRIDGET’S FLAT. EARLY NEXT MORNING. 9

In the near darkness. Bridget’s phone rings loudly. She bolts

up out of bed.

MUM (O.S.)

Hello darling, it’s Mummy. Just

wanted to wish you a happy

birthday.

Bridget fishes around for the TV remote control and flicks on

breakfast TV - a clock on the corner of the TV screen.

BRIDGET:

Mum, it’s 6.00am!

Bridget studies her phone curiously.

MUM (V.O)

I’m doing The Facetime, Una taught

me, it’s really marvellous.

CLOSE-UP - Bridget’s phone - there is an extreme close-up of

MUM’S EAR.

BRIDGET:

The point of Facetime is that you

don’t have to hold it to your ear.

Mum removes it from her ear, the camera swings round to

reveal Dad sitting on the loo, oblivious.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

7

MUM (O.S.)

This time forty three years ago I

was having a lamb Biryani in an

attempt to coax you out.

Twenty-three hours of labour. I was

never the same again down there,

but I’ve hardly ever regretted it.

Bridget half listening. An Ad for an internet dating site

called Qwantify just audible: happy cartoon couples meet and

kiss, voiced by real couples who’ve found love on the net.

MUM (CONT’D)

It’s a miracle, the gift of

childbirth. Penny HusbandsBosworth’s

son sells his sperm on

the internet. You don’t even need a

man, Bridget.

10 INT. MUM’S BEDROOM. SAME TIME. 10

We see there are flyers with Mum’s face on them lying on a

bedroom table.

MUM (CONT’D)

And some people have marvellous

lives without them. I mean, look at

you! You’ve got a nice flat, a

great career, a nice flat...

BRIDGET (O.S)

I’m putting the phone down now Mum.

DAD emerges from the bathroom.

MUM:

(holding up phone to Dad)

Say Happy Birthday to Bridget.

Dad hurriedly covers his naked torso.

DAD:

Happy Birthday to Bridget.

MUM:

I love you darling. Don’t forget

I’m counting on you to head up my

media campaign.

BRIDGET:

Mum, it’s the Parish Council

election, not the U.S. Primaries.

Bridget hangs up.

BRIDGET (V.O.)

At least no one at work knows it’s

my birthday.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

8

11 EXT/INT. HARD NEWS TV STUDIOS. DAY. 11

Bridget strides into the studio, ready for the day.

EVERYONE:

SURPRISE!!

Bridget’s face falls as she sees her office is filled with

people. A PA holds up a card which says ‘43 TODAY’ in huge

letters. Someone else holds out a toy tombstone that says

‘Bridget Jones 1973-2016’.

BRIDGET:

Oh God, oh God. Who told you?

MIRANDA, a gorgeous, thirty-something friend of Bridget’s and

presenter of the show, steps forward and takes a selfie with

her.

MIRANDA:

Guilty. Thought it would cheer you

up. Hashtag ‘Bridge’s bday’.

Bridget looks horrified as SUSAN the pregnant Floor Manager

brings up a cake emblazoned with forty three candles for her

to blow out.

SUSAN:

So hot... so many candles.

They start to sing ‘Happy 43rd Birthday to you’ as the Floor

Manager continues to hold the cake up.

Then mid-song the fire alarm starts to go off and then the

sprinklers start.

RICHARD FINCH, Bridget’s fifty-something-but-trying-to-lookyounger

boss, pops his head through the studio backdrop.

RICHARD FINCH:

Who the f*** set the sprinklers

off?

12 INT. HARD NEWS. CORRIDOR. DAY. 12

Bridget is striding down the corridor - a woman at the top of

her game - West Wing style - with two young, deferential

assistants JOSH and LAURA striding alongside, hanging on to

her every word, taking notes.

BRIDGET:

Josh, I want you to see what

Reuters are saying about the

attacks in Ramallah. I might need a

live link. And Laura, tell Adam

I’ll be in to check the human

trafficking VT.

JOSH and LAURA peel off and MIRANDA joins her.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

9

MIRANDA:

So, how will I be changing the

world today?

BRIDGET.

Well our main feature will be the

exclusive interview with the

Foreign Secretary about NGochi.

As she says “NGochi”- she does it with the authentic African

click.

MIRANDA:

OMG, how do you do that? N-Gochi, N-

Gochi.

She tries but fails to do the click.

MIRANDA (CONT’D)

You are so good at that.

BRIDGET:

I know, I’ve really been

practising, “NGochi”

They go backwards and forwards “NGochi-ing” at each other.

13 INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. HAIR & MAKE UP DEPT. DAY. 13

Bridget and Miranda continue to talk as Miranda is primped

and preened by a hair and make-up woman, CATHY.

Cathy tries to N’Gochi too. They are all at it.

CATHY:

Oooh, it’s harder than you think.

BRIDGET:

It’s all in the throat.

MIRANDA:

And after “NGochi”...

She gets it right and high fives with Bridget and Cathy.

MIRANDA (CONT’D)

... how do we plan to celebrate

tonight?

BRIDGET:

Night out with the gang.

MIRANDA:

Please say that involves group sex.

CATHY:

I know a smashing little club for

that, just round the back of

Berwick Street.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

10

BRIDGET:

Chance would be a fine thing. I’m

beginning to think I’ve passed my

sell-by-date. I’m like an old

packet of custard creams, all

mouldy and crushed.

MIRANDA:

Nonsense. There are names for

people like you now Bridge, you’re

a cougar, a MILF.

BRIDGET:

I’m not a MILF, I’m not even a Mum.

I’m a spinster, I’m a SPILF.

SUSAN comes in.

SUSAN:

Three minutes until we’re on air.

Cathy has jotted down details. Hands them to Bridget.

CATHY:

It’s called Voyeurz, with a z. Tell

them Cathy sent you. If you go on a

Thursday, there’s a Chinese buffet.

All you can eat...as it were.

14 INT. HARD NEWS STUDIO GALLERY. DAY. 14

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