Bridget Jones's Baby Page #5

30 EXT. FESTIVAL BAR AREA. DAY. 30

- We track along a row of themed bars, where Bridget and

Miranda are downing every cocktail, real ale and vodka shot,

and as they ‘cheers’ each other, they shout.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

21

MIRANDA BRIDGET:

NGochi! NGochi!

31 INT. EDM DANCE TENT. DAY. 31

Bridget and Miranda are dancing away like dervishes amongst

the ridiculously young crowd to a thumping dance track,

having the time of their lives. There are people in Zorb

balls on the dancefloor. Bridget shouts across to Miranda.

BRIDGET:

(Gleeful)

It’s 2.30 in the afternoon! I

should be hoovering!

32 INT. BACKSTAGE. DAY. 32

A tipsy Miranda and Bridget are backstage having fun by the

bar.

BRIDGET:

This is incredible, we have to get

a photo.

Bridget turns round to find somebody to take a photo of them.

She taps the person next to them at the bar on the shoulder.

BRIDGET (CONT’D)

Excuse me, would you mind if we

asked you to...

He turns round - REVEAL - it’s ED SHEERAN.

ED SHEERAN:

Of course not, total pleasure.

Bridget hands Ed the camera and he then places himself in the

middle of Bridget and Miranda - who just stare at him like

he’s insane. There is a long pause.

MIRANDA:

What on earth are you doing?

ED SHEERAN:

I thought you wanted a picture.

MIRANDA:

We did! Of us!

BRIDGET:

Yes, terribly sorry, we thought it

would be fun to have a picture of

us backstage among all these

glamorous people. I think that’s

the man from ‘Cash In The Attic’ ,

it would be great if you could get

him in shot.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

22

ED SHEERAN:

Right, and you don’t want me in the

picture at all?

BRIDGET:

We just wanted you to take a selfie

of us.

He attempts to make a joke to lighten the situation.

ED SHEERAN:

Well then it wouldn’t be a selfie,

would it? It would be a ‘youfie’.

Miranda just stares at him witheringly, then grabs back the

phone.

MIRANDA:

And an attitude to boot! Is it

really so difficult?

They walk away leaving a shocked Ed Sheeran hanging.

MIRANDA (CONT’D)

Honestly, they let any riff-raff

backstage nowadays.

As they walk away Bridget turns around and exchanges a smile

with him.

BRIDGET:

I thought he was kind of cute. He

looked very familiar. I think he

works in the Starbucks in Balham.

33 INT. EDM TENT. DAY. 33

A tipsy Miranda and Bridget are looking lost. They spot a

tent.

MIRANDA:

Let’s go to the Mantra tent next,

that’s where FKA Twigs is playing.

BRIDGET:

Great! I love him... her... them?

34 INT. LITERARY TENT. DAY 34

An INTERVIEWER sits on stage opposite Jack Quant. Behind

them a bank of screens bearing the ‘Qwantify’ logo.

INTERVIEWER:

Since floating his empire which

includes the online dating site

Qwantify, internet philanthropist

Jack Quant, hasn’t sat still. He

has just written a New York Times

bestseller QWANTUM LEAP...

(holds up book)

(MORE)

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

23

INTERVIEWER (CONT'D)

And he’s also sponsoring this

festival.

A round of polite applause.

INTERVIEWER (CONT’D)

But it all began with the strum of

Cupid’s arrow, right?

The audience laughs.

JACK:

Well, it began with a broken heart.

Dating seemed irrational, so I

wanted to see if the mysteries of

human attraction could be broken

down into something mathematical.

Suddenly a rowdy Bridget and Miranda bound into the tent

assuming it’s FKA Twigs.

MIRANDA:

Wooo, f*** yeah!

All heads turn as Bridget and Miranda stop in their tracks.

JACK:

(looking directly at

Bridget)

I believe there is someone out

there for everyone... if we just

ask the right questions and apply

the laws of mathematics.

The audience listen intently.

MIRANDA:

Come on let’s go. Who wants to do

maths at a festival? Let’s get shitfaced.

BRIDGET:

(whispering to Miranda)

Let’s stay...he’s interesting.

Bridget forces Miranda to sit down in two empty seats. Back

on stage Jack has the crowd rapt.

INTERVIEWER:

And now you’ve moved from match-

making to global business

partnerships.

JACK:

Yes, that same algorithm has helped

bring together the world’s most

needy with the world’s most

wealthy.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

24

As if to illustrate this point, behind him photos of cocoa

farmers in Columbia switch around the screen to match with

chocolate factories in Switzerland; Yak farmers in Tibet with

coffee houses in San Francisco.

MIRANDA:

(shouting out to the

crowd)

BORING!

JACK:

Okay. I get it, you don’t want to

talk about algorithms at a

festival. So let me show you how

they can be...sexy. Take out your

phones.

Murmured curiosity as the audience take out their phones.

Jack reaches into his pocket and takes out his own.

JACK (CONT’D)

Take a photo.

Jack takes a photo of himself, taps on the screen and uploads

it. At once his ludicrously handsome photo appears with some

of his answers underneath.

It reads - Jack Quant ‘interests - Environmentalism,

Trekking, Lady Mary’.

JACK (CONT’D)

Now quickly answer a couple of

questions.

Miranda takes out her phone and hurriedly fills out the

questionnaire. She takes a photo of a resistant Bridget.

MIRANDA:

I’ve put down that you like French

cinema - it’s sophisticated and

slutty at the same time.

Miranda takes a snap of herself.

JACK:

Then upload it to the Qwantify

website and the results should

start coming up on the screen

behind me.

More and more photos upload from the audience. Suddenly a

photo of Miranda appears - she looks amazing. Then one of

Bridget - she is slightly out of focus, mouth open.

JACK (CONT’D)

French cinema, huh? Slutty and

sophisticated.

As more pictures appear he comments.

SHOOTING SCRIPT.

25

JACK (CONT’D)

It’s science, you’d be foolish to

resist it.

(ALT)

This could be the start of

something special, or at least a

quick fumble in a sleeping bag.

To guy with white hair & beard.

JACK (CONT’D)

Ooo, there you go Gandalf, seems

you’re not the only one looking for

a ring.

The good looking couple are matched.

JACK (CONT’D)

Now you guys would have good

looking babies.

A pair come up who both have as one of their interests -

‘nights in on my own’

The girl does the ‘call me’ motion.

JACK (CONT’D)

He doesn’t have to call you, he’s

literally here.

Various other photos appear with captions. INTERVIEWER’s

picture comes up with - ‘Social Anthropology, Sunsets’.

A quiet marvelling as more and more photos upload from the

audience, coming together, aligned in ‘couplings’.

The INTERVIEWER’S photo attaches to a particularly attractive

woman, his eyes light up.

Miranda flushes, now matched with a rather odd looking man

sitting to her left.

JACK (CONT’D)

Remember what happens at the

festival, stays at the festival,

unless it goes on Instagram then

300 million people can see it.

Miranda grabs Bridget’s arm. A rather earnest looking man

with a very old plastic bag in his hand smiles at Bridget.

She looks back at the screen. They’ve been matched.

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