Bronco Billy

Ladies and gentlemen...

boys and girls...

we welcome you this evening...

to the greatest, the most authentic...

Wild West Show in America!

So hang on...

to your hats and boots...

or your loved one's hand.

Let us take you back to a time...

when the cowboys and Indians

roamed our great land!

And now, for our first act this evening...

Chief Big Eagle...

the great-great grandson of

the great Apache Indian chief, Geronimo...

will perform his legendary

Rattlesnake Dance...

that no white man has ever seen before!

And that's for sure!

Chief Big Eagle!

I'm awful scared, Bronco Billy.

Everybody's a little nervous

their first night in show business.

You just do what we rehearsed

and everything will be fine.

Yeah, but I'm awful scared, Bronco Billy.

Take a swig of this,

it'll make you feel great.

The Chief got bit again by the rattlesnake.

Damn!

Running Water took him to their truck

and gave him a shot of Doc's Snake Bite.

I don't know why he can't just do

the Great Apache Flaming Arrow Act.

Didn't you tell him

to use the gopher snake?

I did, but he's a proud Indian.

The only good Indian is a dead Indian.

Let's go, girl.

How about it?

How about a big hand

for Lasso Leonard James?

The greatest rope artist in the West!

And now, ladies and gentlemen...

it is my privilege and honor...

to present to you this evening...

the greatest trick shooter...

the fastest draw...

the toughest hombre...

the one and only Bronco Billy McCoy!

How about it?

Terrific!

Thank you, folks.

Thank you, my little pardners out there.

Always great to be back in Montana

and see all of our friends.

Now I'd like to introduce you

to my new assistant.

It's her first night in the big tent.

So how about a big Montana welcome

for Miss Mitzi Fritts.

Throw up the plates.

Throw up another plate.

How about it, ladies and gentlemen?

Bronco Billy!

And now I want all of you settlers...

and all of you little pardners...

to sit tight...

because Bronco Billy

is getting ready to do...

his death-defying

"Wheel of Fortune" shootout!

Are those real bullets?

It's a special buckshot.

It doesn't go too far.

But don't worry, I never miss.

Miss Mitzi, would you like a blindfold?

No, Bronco Billy.

You're the best shot in the Old West.

Very well, but I will wear one.

Are you ready, Miss Mitzi?

Yes, Bronco Billy.

All right.

Spin the wheel.

How much money we got in the kitty?

$19 and some change.

Nobody can ever say we're getting rich.

I'll just be glad when we get

to the next town.

That's good, too. But, I...

If something's sticking in your craw,

why don't you just spit it out?

Me and the boys have been with you

down the road through hell and high water.

If there's a fight, we

stick together, right?

We know you've done the same for us.

Doc, if it's about that little gal...

you know how hard it is

to find a good assistant nowadays.

You tell the boys that

I'll find us an angel...

who will make us proud

to have her in the show.

Heck, they understand

about all that, Billy, but...

What the hell are you talking about?

You know the boys love you and so do I...

but unless we get paid, we have to quit

because it's been six months.

What's going on?

Get out of my truck,

you yellow-bellied sidewinders!

- It's raining!

- Get out!

What in tarnation is he

all heated up about?

I just told him we was all gonna quit

unless we got paid!

Why'd you tell him while it was raining?

Get out of my truck, you ingrates!

- Don't you swear at my wife, Boss!

- Get out of my truck!

We never should have elected you

to tell him in the first place!

What are you talking about?

We drew straws and I lost. Remember?

Yeah.

So it's money you want, huh?

I'm not gonna have a pack of wolves

snapping at my heels for money!

You think when I look at the faces of those

little pardners smiling in the audience...

I'm thinking about money?

All the good times we've been through,

and all the bad times...

it breaks my heart to think that the

only reason you came with me was for money!

I thought I had the best bunch,

but I guess I've been dealt a crooked hand!

It ain't what you're thinking!

Nobody wants to quit the outfit.

I ain't had enough money to go into a bar

and buy a girl a drink in over a month!

You think I have?

You promised I'd have enough money

to buy a wooden hand this year!

You shouldn't have blowed that hand off!

I told you that shotgun act wouldn't work!

Running Water and I

want to buy a new bed.

We're tired of sleeping on straw.

You two would still be in the reservation

drinking bad whiskey if it wasn't for me.

I'm sick of being on the wagon

and I'm sick of drinking plain water.

We all know what you used to do

for a drink and we forgive you for it.

If you want to go back to wool blankets

and dirty sheets, it's all right with me.

I need new ropes.

You young cowpunchers today

don't take care of your gear.

I've told you a hundred times,

wrap your ropes after every show!

I know my job!

Then know it better! You hear?

Why don't we get back in the truck

and get on down the trail?

We're getting hungry!

I say we get it over, right now!

Nobody wants it over!

How about the rest of you?

You're right, Boss.

Running Water and I owe you our lives.

Where would I go?

But soon as we get some money,

I'll get some ropes.

You're all gonna get what you want,

I promise you.

I save every dime, every nickel

that goes into that little tin box.

One day we'll get that ranch we want,

so city kids could come out...

and see what cowboys and Indians

are really like.

Then we can all settle down.

You're the best bunch of wranglers

in America, don't you ever forget it.

You ride with Bronco Billy,

the fastest draw in the West.

Now let's hit the trail.

I'll go get the permit.

You all go get something to eat.

All right, Mr. Arlington, if you will both

sign right there and pay me $10...

then you can go upstairs

to Judge Carbon's office and be married.

Darling...

Thank you.

Darling!

Don't walk so fast!

I shall walk as fast as I please.

Light me.

Antoinette, darling...

you know how much I love you.

Please, John, let's not be maudlin.

But I do love you, my pet.

We need each other.

I need to marry someone...

anyone, before Saturday, when I reach

the disgusting age of 30...

or I shall lose many wonderful

millions of dollars my daddy left me.

And you need my money.

I know you're as broke

as these vulgar Idaho farmers...

so let's not talk about love...

and get this thing over with

as painlessly as possible.

Is there an auto mechanic on duty?

- What's the problem?

- I believe my engine's burning up.

Pop the hood.

Just exactly how long

is this going to take?

There's a hole in your radiator

the size of a potato.

Repair it!

It won't be ready till tomorrow.

What?

Tomorrow?

Got to make a trip into town

to pick up a new radiator.

I'll pay you double what you normally get,

if you'll have it repaired by tonight.

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