Buster's Mal Heart

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1

"Life is whittled."

"Life's a riddle."

"Man's a fiddle

that life plays on."

"When the day breaks."

"And the earth quakes."

"Life's a mistake all day long."

"You tell me who gives

a good goddamn."

"You'll never get out alive."

"Don't go dreaming."

"Don't go scheming."

"A man must test his mettle."

"In the crooked ol' world."

"Starving in the belly

starving in the belly."

"Starving in the belly

of a whale."

"We're starving in the belly

starving in the belly."

"Starving in the belly

of a whale."

Aaah!

"Should auld acquaintance."

"Be forgot."

"And never brought to mind."

"Should auld acquaintance..."

"In days of auld lang syne."

"For auld lang syne."

"My dear..."

"We'll take a cup."

"Of kindness yet."

"For the sake."

"Of auld lang syne."

It was a cosmic mistake...

that we got this far.

One of us is a coward.

I don't think it's me.

Happy New Year, Buster.

Hey, we got your cave

surrounded, huh?

So, come out with your hands up.

Come on, Buster,

this is your last chance.

Buster.

Come on,

Buster, come on, Buster.

The cost of

a fishing license is scheduled

to go up 10% next month

and that has a lot of

fishermen rushing to the river.

They want to make sure

that they're able to use

their current licenses before

they have to pay the hike.

And in other news, Buster is

back and roaming the hillsides.

The identity of the mountain

man remains a mystery.

The only image authorities have

is a five-second clip

captured on a rancher's

security camera last winter

several counties away.

The Sheriff's Department

believes this hermit

lives off the land

in the warmer months

and survives the winter by

breaking into empty vacation homes

for food and shelter.

He's earned the nickname "Buster"

from calling in

to radio shows with wild rants.

The calls increase in frequency

in the days

leading up to New Year's.

Y'all a bunch of sheep!

You know that?

Hey, Buster,

can you tell us where you are?

You're wasting your time.

I'm not Buster!

Buster!

Maybe.

Buster has managed

to evade capture

for nearly five years.

Although he's committed

no known violent crimes,

authorities consider him

armed and dangerous.

Well, yeah,

we're gonna find him.

He can only keep this up

for so long.

Hey, uh, Buster?

Look, if you're listening, well,

we're on your scent now.

We're gonna get you.

So why don't you save us

all a lot of trouble

and turn yourself in?

"He's got the whole world."

"In his hands."

"He's got the whole wide world."

"In his hands."

"He's got the whole world."

"In his hands."

"He's got the whole world."

"In his hands"

"...whole world in his hands."

"He's got the little bitty baby."

"In his hands."

"He's got the little bitty baby..."

Hi. Baby!

"He's got the little bitty baby."

"In his hands."

OK, now is this... Is that good?

Is that clear?

One or two?

- This.

- That one?

- Two.

- OK.

"He's got

the whole wide world..."

Really? Please.

"He's got the whole world."

Good job, sweetie.

You want to sit here?

- Why is he doing that?

- Baby, sit up tall.

"He's got you and me,

brother..."

I miss you, too.

I love you.

Yeah, yeah.

Put the little monster on.

I'm sorry I haven't seen you.

You were asleep when I got home,

and I had to take a nap.

Daddy had to take a nap too.

You get to hear my voice.

Love you.

Put your mom back on.

Hey.

Good night.

I love you.

Bye.

You don't have to help me.

I want to help you.

But you're already too tired.

Look at your eyes.

You know, my love...

I talked with your mom.

She doing okay?

Yes, she's good. For sure.

She asks about you.

I think...

it's been too long

since you called her.

I'll call her tomorrow.

For sure?

Yes.

You promise?

Yes.

Good.

t u r k c e a l t y a z i . o r g

The dark ages, 1994.

...thousand dollars was...

Oh!

Uno.

Why no?

Why no? Uno.

Can you say it? Uno.

Uno.

Dos.

Two.

Two O's!

Two O's is dos O's.

Dos, say it.

- Mm.

- Dos.

Great.

- Tres.

- Three.

Exactly.

Tres.

Can you try it?

- Tres.

- Perfect.

Four is cuatro.

Cuatro.

Don't you think

it's a little confusing

to teach your daughter Spanish

before she knows English?

No, I think she's perfectly

capable of learning both.

Aren't you? You like Spanish?

- Yeah.

- There you go.

- Good morning.

- Buenos dias.

- Here, baby.

- Buenos dias, papi.

Buenos dias, mi amore.

You know, this cartoon

is a little pornographic.

- It's her favorite.

- It's her favorite, right?

He doesn't have clothes on.

I know. He's free.

- Free?

- Free.

He's so free.

He's trying to escape the way

everything works

and do it his own way.

I saw they were selling parcels

of land up at Priest Creek.

Really?

Yeah, that would be perfect

for us.

That stretch of water

is just full of fish.

You know, between that

and the garden,

we could be self-sufficient,

you know, work part-time.

Maybe even not at all.

Yeah. That would be nice.

I know that

the Holy Father exists.

And I know that he loves us.

But I didn't always know.

I used to be someone else.

I was strung out on drugs.

I was abusing my body.

I hated myself.

I hated everyone else.

I gave testimony

that this congregation

gave me my life back.

I am eternally grateful

to my husband, Jonah.

I'm grateful that he found faith

in his heart

so that he could be with us

as a family.

Once you've seen

inside the machine...

they don't let you leave.

I propose that the universe

is both infinite and finite,

infinite energy in a finite system.

This is due to sphincters.

Everything is controlled by sphincters,

black holes to butt holes.

Now the universe is shaped like an apple

and through its core runs

a secret passageway,

completely through it.

When the great inversion occurs,

the spin of the...

Sorry to keep you waiting.

How can I help you?

I need a room. Smoking, please.

All of our rooms are non-smoking.

Just need a credit card and ID.

I don't have either.

I don't believe in them.

I can't let you check in

without an ID.

Everything these days is

designed to trap a man, don't you think?

I'm sorry, sir,

I can't help you.

Tell you what,

let me buy you a drink.

The bar's closed.

- Yeah, but you can open it.

- I don't drink.

Even better.

What do you actually do?

What's your title?

Concierge.

Concierge.

Hey, hang on, man,

you can't do that here.

Concierge comes from

the Latin conservus,

which means "fellow slave."

Don't take that personally.

You're not the only person

trapped in the machine.

In fact, there are very few

free men left.

Oh, let me guess,

you're one of them.

- I feel like I know you.

- Doubtful.

What do you do?

Computer systems engineer,

consultant.

See, uh...

for millions of years,

man roamed free under the stars.

Only the strong and the lucky

survived and procreated.

It was absolutely brutal.

All sex was rape.

- You know the drill.

- I don't.

It was, until one day Eve

flipped the script.

She introduced Adam

to her fruit,

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