Buster's Mal Heart Page #2

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which is really just code

for clitoris.

And the whole system

got rebooted, bong,

the first inversion.

Little by little, we started

to build civilization in binary:

Logic, rules,

inputs and outputs.

But see, there's a catch.

The better the system, the more

trap it is for the individual.

We've walled ourselves in.

Now, what I do for a living

has to do with termite control.

There's a bug in the system.

Not many people know about it

yet, but they soon will.

Ever heard of Y2K?

- No.

- No.

When we hit the year 2000,

our computer systems,

they're gonna fail.

System reboot on a global scale.

I'm talking economic collapse,

security breaches

on every level.

Pentagon, CIA,

it's gonna be a bloodbath.

- How do you know?

- How do I know?

Sources on the inside,

backwater channels

with like-minded hackers,

burning f***ing bushes

everywhere I look.

I'm the prophet

of the second inversion.

Whew.

Hey, you hungry?

I think you should go.

I'm like a roving exterminator.

I find bugs, I fix the binary.

Ever heard of

mutually assured destruction?

Hmm-mm.

Thanks.

What did you say

your name was again?

I didn't. I don't.

I just gave you a dollar

and you're not gonna tell me your name?

I told you,

I'm the last free man.

Companies pay me in cash to keep my

mouth shut about their insecurities.

I'm running around repairing

holes on a sinking ship, and for what?

So the people

in the first class can survive

while the rest of us

in the underclasses drown?

No, this doesn't

sit right with me.

You and me, us regular folks,

we need to come up

with an escape plan.

Have you got a family?

All the more reason for a plan.

I have high-level security clearances and

I've seen things I wasn't supposed to see.

I'm starting to think I'm on a hit list,

that people out there want to see me gone.

Hey, you gonna give me

a room tonight or what?

Let him go high up.

I'm gonna wind it for you.

Hip hop.

Hey, baby.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- I'll see you later.

- Okay, have a good day.

You, too.

Papi.

- Papi?

- Hmm?

Papi?

Wake up, papi.

Wake up!

Wake up!!!

Nagasaki was...

You are very, very dangerous!

That's what it is,

you know, it's Y2K apocalypse.

If the world really does

come to an end on New Year's,

I'm going to bequeath you...

Bequeef.

What is a bequeef?

It's a manly version

of the queef.

It comes all the way up from

my thighs like a sumo wrestler.

I flex and it shoots up my thighs and it

comes straight out of my little weenus.

Okay. On that note,

we're going to take some calls.

Countdown to the year 2000.

Are you ready for Y2K?

If the world ends,

what will you bequeef?

Give us a call. You know the number.

Hello, you're on the...

The inversion's coming.

- Hello.

- Hello, you there?

The inversion is coming.

- Buster, is that...?

- Oh, no.

This guy is our favorite caller.

He calls in all the time,

completely out of his mind.

How's it going, buddy?

Listen up, you shits; I can tell

by the cloud formations,

the machine's gonna

crank to a halt

and that's when

the passageway opens up

and we can pass through

one at a time.

Buster, you are a dream to us.

You have no idea the joy

that you bring us.

As soon as you go to jail, buddy, I'm

gonna make "Free Buster" bumper stickers.

I'm not going to jail!

I'm the last free man!

I'm going straight up through

the ass hole to the mouth!

You shits are gonna get f***ed!

Of all people, you most

clearly see the predicament

of the human condition.

Your heart is heavy with

the burden of this knowledge.

Taurus, you are a rebel.

Those in power see you

as a glitch in the machine,

a bug in the system.

Horoscopes

for a dollar per minute.

Taurus, your heart

is true even when it's broken.

The time is running out.

The fabric of the universe

must be repaired.

Cannot escape...

Hello, you've reached

the Lomaxes.

- Paul.

- Donna.

- Brandy.

- And Chambers.

We're either out hunting

or in sunny Orlando.

Leave us a message

and we'll get...

Right back!

Hey, Paul Bill Western here.

Hey, are you guys back in town?

I saw lights heading up

the hill last night

and thought, oh,

probably better check.

I'd also saw on the television

that old Buster

might be back up on our ridge,

so keep your weapons loaded.

Anyway, hey,

if I don't hear from you,

I'll swing up this afternoon

and make sure

all is good in the fort.

All right,

happy holidays, my friend.

"By the rivers of Babylon."

"I shall return."

"And there I shall be."

"When you remember my love."

- Hey, Paul, Bill Western here. Hey...

- "By the rivers of Babylon".

Message deleted.

"I met you."

"And I learned to feel."

You promised I'd be

switched to days.

I thought Dale was being transferred to

Salt Lake or I never would have promised.

- Why can't Dale do nights?

- He's got seniority.

What do you want me to do about it, Jonah?

I'm in a bind as much as you.

I worked nights for five years.

You'll adjust.

You just need a sleep mask

and some earplugs.

Look, why don't you take home

those curtains

that we replaced in room 307?

Take them home with you, gratis.

You just need to make

your room dark like a cave

so that you can trick your body

into thinking it's night.

Hey, where have you been?

At work.

Can you feel her head?

I think she has a fever.

She feels fine.

- Really?

- Yeah.

You feel okay, baby?

I feel okay.

Really?

So, what's your plan for the dog?

I thought you were getting rid of it.

Ryan is allergic and the dog sheds.

I am not living my life like this.

Whatsoever thou shalt lose...

Want to help with some pancakes?

Yeah. I'm going to make

papi some food.

Yeah, he's going to eat

breakfast just like we did.

This is my house.

We're going for a walk.

"Go tell it on the mountain."

"That Jesus Christ is born."

"While shepherds kept their watching..."

Can you please turn that off?

Yeah.

Go on, baby, let's watch

TV in the living room.

"...a holy.."

There you go. Cartoon time.

Hey.

Hey.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Hmm.

You know,

I went and looked at apartments yesterday

to see if there was anything

decent in our price range.

They're actually not that bad.

I was thinking since Roxy's almost

old enough to go to preschool,

we won't need Pauline to watch her anymore.

Have our own space.

Are you okay?

No, I'm not okay.

I'm tired.

Work hard...

SO we can...

build this piece of land like we planned to

and raise our daughter

the way we planned to,

have the family we planned to have.

You go out looking for apartments.

You never told me you were

looking for apartments.

Didn't tell you because this is the

way you act when I talk about it.

What do you want?

We are nowhere near having the amount of

money we need to buy a piece of land.

And what if we get it? You don't

know how to build a f***ing house.

Are we gonna pitch a tent?

We have a two-year-old.

What's your solution? We keep paying

rent for the rest of our lives?

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