BUtterfield 8

---

Liggett.

Liggett?

- Good morning, Mr. Liggett.

- Morning.

Butterfield 8? Hi, it's Gloria.

Any messages?

Johnny.

George.

Listen...

...a Mr. Liggett will call sometime

today. He might use Mr. L.

Find me wherever I am.

This is one call I want to take

personally and immediately.

Okay, bye-bye.

Taxi!

38 Horatio Street, please.

Double your tip for a cigarette.

What's the matter, you crazy?

You're in good voice this morning.

I'm from the Census Bureau.

Good morning.

How many persons

do you have living here?

Just one. Me.

Well, that's not nearly enough.

- You working?

- Trying to.

Tomorrow's arrangements.

Tribute.

- To what?

- Your faith, hope and charity.

Sunday morning and scotch

on your breath?

Well, it's good scotch.

Twenty years old.

And cigar smoke?

I always said I'd try anything once.

Ever try common sense?

Only in desperation.

Notice anything unusual

about me this morning?

I wish I could.

Look.

Well, look!

You're panting to tell me

where you got it.

I stole it.

Sure you did. It figures.

Oh, not for real. Just long enough

to get even with somebody.

Even for what?

Somebody made me so damn mad.

He left me money.

He actually left me money.

- What would you have done?

- I don't know.

My work is designed so people

will leave me money.

This wasn't work.

Besides, my dress was torn.

I had nothing to wear...

...so I borrowed something

spiteful and elegant.

Liggett.

Weston Ansbury Liggett.

- Do you know him?

- Heard of him. He's very social.

And very Yale.

What's with you and Yale?

Always Yale.

- It's the last college left.

- Why?

I started with Amherst, and I worked

my way through the alphabet to Yale.

I'm stuck there.

Of course, I could work

backwards again.

Did he tell you about his wife?

- IHilljoy.

- I hear he's a lush.

A rumor of little mind.

We did have a drink last night.

- One?

- A dozen maybe.

And this morning you stagger

out of his apartment. Charming.

Funny thing, I don't even

remember going there.

Better than sleeping pills.

Can I help with anything?

Could I help you with anything?

Housework?

You put that coat back on.

Why?

Half-dressed women make it

difficult to concentrate.

Well, then don't.

Don't think of me as a woman.

After all, we're just

like brother and sister.

Remember?

You're mad at me this morning.

Put the coat on!

Why this morning?

Because I'm sick of seeing you

boozed up, burned out and ugly!

Sick for me or sick for you?

For you.

For everything you're wasting.

Why do you come here like this?

Where have I always come, Steve?

At least I can be honest with you.

Start being honest with yourself.

You're making a mess out of your life

and forcing me to watch it.

- Do you want me to go?

- Yes!

- For good?

- Yes!

No.

It's terrible, isn't it?

I say "yes" too much when I shouldn't.

And you say "no" too much

when you shouldn't.

But you're not nearly as mad

as you pretend to be.

I try to be.

Hungry?

Ravenous.

Now, the problem is,

how do I get home?

Car's outside. You drive.

- By the way, thanks for the use of it.

- Anytime.

What I mean is, what's my mother gonna

think if I show up dressed like this?

Your mother knows everything

about you.

That may be so,

but we never admit it.

I'm still her innocent little girl.

And she's my dear, sweet

cookie-baking mother.

So go home, give her an innocent

smile and have a cookie.

And tell her the truth.

If I tell her the truth,

I'll have to move out.

That's what normally happens

when people grow up.

If I left, she'd be lonesome.

I'm all she has, so we have

to lie to each other.

What does your analyst say

about all this?

I only tell Dr. Tredman

what I think he ought to hear.

That's very intelligent.

If I were intelligent,

I wouldn't need a psychiatrist.

Listen, where am I gonna find

a dress to wear on Sunday?

How would I know?

Your girlfriend, Norma,

is almost my size.

You expect me to ask Norma to bring

her clothes over here to put on you?

It would certainly get me

out of a jam.

And put me in one.

Listen to old Gloria.

The greater the sacrifice

you ask a woman to make...

...the more she knows

you love her. Honestly.

Hello?

Hello, Norma?

Problems, Liggett?

You haven't said a word

since we left the city.

Bing...

...you know three of the most

overrated things in this world?

Home loving, home cooking

and security.

That should be over

the doorway of The Stork Club.

It should be over the doorway

of my apartment.

Oh, come on, Ligg.

You've got everything.

Lots of people would envy you.

But am I happy?

Obviously not.

Ever wonder why?

I have.

Can you take it from

an old fraternity brother?

You're a heel.

A low-down, rotten heel.

Anything doesn't go your way,

anything you can't have, you destroy.

I've known you all these years...

...and I never realized

you despise me.

If I really despised you, I could

never tell you what I think of you.

Tell me.

You married a lovely woman,

and you mistreat her...

...because you blame her

for your life.

Drinking, letching and lying.

You won't face the truth.

- And what is this so-called truth?

- You find it out yourself.

- Tell me.

- It wouldn't be any good.

Go out and earn it the way

everybody else does.

The offer is still open.

You could come back as a law partner

with me anytime.

I wouldn't join

the Foreign Legion with you.

Pull!

Emily.

Yes, darling?

How's your mother?

She's doing well, thank you.

She's getting much stronger.

When are you coming back to town?

Soon as I can.

- Why? You getting lonesome?

- Sometimes.

The question was more one

of curiosity than passion.

Pull!

I have to get back to town

after lunch.

But I invited the Farleys

for dinner tonight.

My apologies to the Farleys.

Cliff Holbrook's in town.

And the court jester of the chemical

industry has to keep him laughing.

Pull!

As vice president

in charge of nonsense...

...I have to keep a $6 million

customer happy, don't I?

Why don't you send someone

less important in the company?

There isn't anybody

less important than me.

Pull!

Darling?

Will you be charming

at the country club today?

I know you're always charming,

but will you be especially so?

Why?

I was asked if you'd consider being

elected to the board of governors.

Why me? Nobody on that board

is under 60.

Isn't that where aging,

useless executives go to die?

Maybe they want to get

some young blood on it.

Or maybe they see me as just

another aging, useless executive.

Why do you say such cruel

things about yourself?

To beat everybody, including you,

to the punch.

Pull!

Somebody at the cleaners

seems to have left a pin in it.

I know how embarrassed you must be.

I'll speak to them.

Really, this is terribly sweet of you.

Just remember that suit has led

a sheltered life. It shocks easily.

Then it's time it had

a little adventure.

By the way, just for the record,

what did happen to your dress?

Well, it's a funny thing.

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