Can't Hardly Wait

Oh, my God. Matt. Vicki just told me

about this huge party tonight.

- No way. Where?

- Dude, there's a huge party tonight.

- Cool. We crashin'?

- No, man. We're just goin'.

- I heard about this party tonight.

- Did you hear about that party, man?

Oh, my God. Did you hear?

Mike totally dumped Amanda.

I just heard Mike Dexter

and Amanda Beckett broke up.

Just broke up with Amanda.

Like, seconds ago.

What? That was totally my idea.

Tell me we'll never break up.

You're there. I'm there.

- Everybody's there.

- We're there!

I've had a library book out

since the third grade.

I got caught.

I'm going to community college.

My gown smells like blue cheese.

- So whose party is it?

- The girl from our French class.

- Whose party is it?

- That girl in our gym class.

- Oh, the one with the thighs?

- No, the one with the weird...

- You joined the army?

- Yeah. Serve my country, man.

- You know, they shave your head!

- What?

- I just feel so sorry for Amanda.

- You are so full of crap.

Hey, dude, did you hear?

I'm naked under my gown.

Yeah, I heard that.

How about that party?

It's gonna be huge!

Heard that too.

Oh, then I guess you heard

about Mike dumpin' Amanda.

- Wait. What did you say?

- Where have you been, man?

Mike Dexter broke up

with Amanda Beckett.

This is so perfect.

Amanda Beckett is single

and on the night of this party...

a party I'll be attending,

a party she'll be attending.

It's all falling into place.

It's like it's fate.

What? I thought we weren't

even going to this party.

Don't you wanna keep your tassel?

For $5.00, you can keep your tassel.

Yeah, then I can press it in between

my yearbook with my prom corsage.

What?

Nothing. I mean, nice to tell me

that you changed your plans.

You're only leaving tomorrow,

but, you know, whatever.

Denise, Amanda and I have to finish

what we started four years ago.

Do you know what your problem is?

It's like you're afraid to move forward.

I mean, Preston,

we are so outta here.

Now why do you wanna go

to this party tonight and look back?

Don't look back.

You should never look back.

Dudes, I actually graduated!

- Unless you're that guy.

- I'm all right.

Look, all I'm saying is...

Amanda and I are connected.

We have been, ever since the first day

that she came to school.

Oh, God. Here we go.

It was October, freshman year.

First fime in history

thaf I'd ever missed the bus.

If I had arrived on time,

I never would have seen her.

But as it was, I was the first person

at Huntingfon Hills High...

to set eyes on Amanda Becketf.

It was her first day at school.

Then I'm sitting in class,

enjoying a late breakfast...

when suddenly, out of all the classrooms

in the entire school...

she walks into mine.

And where does the teacher sit her?

Right nexf to me.

Now up until now, one could

write this off to coincidence...

but then...

she reached into her bag...

and pulled out

a strawberry Pop Tart...

the very same breakfast pastry

that I was consuming at that moment.

What was I to do?

How was I to proceed?

Who would like to volunteer

to give Amanda a tour of the school?

- I will.

- Mike Dexter.

That's where I lost her.

I had a clear shot, and I hesitated.

But fate's finally giving me

a second chance.

Well, have fun tonight...

and be sure to tell everyone

how much I'll miss them.

You're not gonna go?

I can't believe you're not gonna go.

Why would I go?

What else are you gonna do tonight?

I can't believe

I'm going to this party.

I can't believe

he broke up with her.

I can't believe

you broke up with her, man.

Well, it's like I always say...

- But Amanda is so hot, man.

- So hot, man.

Yeah, I guess,

for a high school girl.

Guys, we're gonna be in college soon.

You know who's gonna be in college?

Girls that used to be in high school.

Women. College women.

Women with no curfew,

women on the pill, and women...

Women, brol

We're starin' into the future, here!

And the future is women.

Huh, women.

Maybe we should break up

with our girlfriends too.

That would be sweet. We'd have

the whole summer to hang out together.

Party and get with every chick

in sight, man...

without our lame-ass girlfriends

hanging around us.

- Yeah, man. They suck!

- That's what I'm sayin'.

- They suck!

- That's what I'm sayin'!

You're right, Dex, man.

- Beth, kiss my ass!

- Yes, baby! Yesl

This is brilliant, man.

Such a good idea.

- Mike Dexter's a god.

- Mike Dexter's a role model!

Mike Dexter is an a**hole.

For the past decade,

he has made a hobby of my pain.

Witness exhibit "A":

My eighth grade science project...

a working rain forest...

that Mike threw out

a third floor window.

It rains here no more.

Witness exhibit "B":

An eye patch I wore for a month...

after Mike beaned me

with a raisin in home ec.

My parents took me

to a 3-D film festival.

I saw no third dimension.

And of course,

how can I forget the pudding incident?

I know no one else has.

Well, gentlemen, tonight

Mike Dexter will know humiliation.

Tonight, Mike Dexter

will know ridicule.

Tonight is the night

we fight back.

Tonight is our independence night.

Hello?

Get this off your head.

You're actin' like... Look,

maybe we should go over the plan again.

All right.

We will set up...

behind the pool house,

right there.

This is me,

you are Grand Moff Tarkin...

and you are Boba Fett.

- Wait. How come he gets to be Boba Fett?

- Really, it doesn't matter.

All right, fine. You're Boba Fett,

you're Grand Moff Tarkin.

- I don't wanna be Grand Moff Tarkin.

- All right. You know what? Fine.

You're both Kiss dolls.

You set up here.

Now, I will lead Mike

and one of his random jock friends...

behind the pool house to here...

and here...

where you two will be waiting.

You jump down on them,

rendering them unconscious...

with the chloroform

that we mixed in chem lab.

Then we strip off

said jocks' clothes...

and take Polaroids of them

in a lurid, naked embrace.

Geez, do you think

there'll be any girls there?

Are you kidding me?

People may even be having sex tonight.

Yo, I gotta have sex tonight.

I mean, peep this.

They say in here...

92%%% of honeys at UCLA

are sexually active.

92`%` of women in Los Angeles

at UCLA walking around goin'...

"Class or sex?

What shall I do?"

92`/`, yo!

You know what that means, don't you?

That means I gots a 92`%` chance

of embarrassing myself.

I roll up on that shortie, like,

"What's up, yo?"

She be like, "You don't know 20 ways

to make me call you Big Papa."

- 'Cause I don't, yo.

- Rest in peace.

What's up, man?

- Who be the lucky honey?

- Yo, I ain't decided yet, right.

But I figure all the b*tches

in the class gonna be at this party.

You know, I gots to give 'em all

an equal opportunity to Special K.

It took me all day,

but I narrowed it down...

to a list of ten

very lucky finalists.

- You know what I'm sayin'?

- Well, what's up, man?

- You wanna see? Check this out.

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