Can't Hardly Wait Page #2

- Yeah.

Observe.

The love kit.

Oh, damn, man.

Our boy's a fag, yo.

- Who's a fag?

- Yo, both of y'all.

That is a fragrance

of love-scented candle, b*tch. Damn.

Yo, you actually think

you're gonna hit this party...

packin' a pleasure chest

and some girl's just gonna give it up?

Watch me, G.

Wait.

I have the letter.

You're not gonna give her

the letter.

Why wouldn't I give her the letter?

Preston, because you haven't had

the chance to revise it...

for the four billionth time.

All great writers revise. What...

Dear Amanda...

Now that you're finally single...

I can finally give you

this sappy love letter...

that I never had the guts to give you

during all four years of high school.

- Listen to this.

- What?

This is Barry Manilow.

Yeah, I know.

Why do we have a radio station on

that plays Barry Manilow?

- Just listen to the words, Denise.

- Oh, Mandy

Amanda. Mandy. Aman...

Mandy's short for Amanda.

That's it. That's my sign.

I hate to interrupt this alternate

universe you've wandered into here...

but, like, I hear that song's

about his dog.

It's not about a dog.

It's about a woman named Amanda.

Who the hell

names their dog Amanda?

My cousin named her dog Samantha.

Look, shut up about the dog, okay?

- You came and you gave without faking

- That's my sign.

That is totally my sign.

Consider me ready.

Hi! Oh, my God, you guys.

Come on in.

Oh, don't let the dog out. Oh, Susan,

you look so cute. Oh, hi, Ray.

Oh, and the drinks are in the back,

okay? Oh, Preston.

I'm so glad you came,

and you brought a friend.

Hi. No, it's okay.

Just come on in.

Just, you know, drink, be happy.

Preston Meyers. Not one step further

until you sign my yearbook.

I'm gonna be the first

Huntington Hills student...

to get all 522 seniors to sign.

- My, how ambitious of you.

- Don't think you're not signing either.

I saved a special space

for you to sign in the back.

Why didn't you get

your senior portrait taken?

Specifically to avoid moments

like this one, actually.

Thanks. You too.

Go, Huntington!

I almost fell out of my dress!

Let's go, boys. Time is honey.

Ah, yeah!

Cool, a key party, bro.

You look so pretty.

Oh, Christie.

Jessica,

thank you for coming. Kenny.

- What's up?

- Come on in.

Hi. Wait. You guys, no one can go

in the fancy room, okay?

I mean, seriously, my parents

are coming home on Sunday.

- Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook.

- No, thanks. No time.

Come on. Where's your school spirit?

Go, Hot Dogs!

- B*tch, get a life!

- Ah, yeah!

We got a mad town

up in this mother.

Yo, shorties gonna be

linin' up to get with me.

Yo, check it.

Time to get busy.

Hey, yo, you think he's gonna

hizzit the skizzins?

Yo, man, that boy

ain't got no skills, man.

Watch out, guys.

Coming through here.

Hey, yo, white boy.

You better check yourself, man.

This is our first show ever.

Don't screw it up.

Yeah, look, dude. I heard Carol Brawner

invited her cousin tonight.

And the word is,

his brother's roommate...

knows a guy

who knows a scout in L.A.

- Shut up.

- Yeah.

Thank God we got these T-shirts

printed, huh? Yeah. Check 'em out.

Okay, we're gonna rendezvous here

at 0030 hours, all right?

Wait, William.

There's gonna be drinking in there.

- Yeah? So?

- So what are you gonna do?

They're gonna kick you out

if you don't drink.

Well, I will be drinking.

- But, William, you could get drunk.

- You could get addicted.

No. It's okay. Look.

I downloaded this little baby

off the net.

I will know exactly how many spirits

I may imbibe...

without affecting my judgment

or my behavior.

Wow. You've got every angle covered.

You know, William,

from this light...

you somewhat resemble

David Duchovny.

William, trust no one.

I am a sex machine!

Steve, make him say somethin' else.

Would you like to touch my penis?

Huntington Hills High,

kiss my assl

Mike Dexter,

you have to sign my yearbook.

Which team has fhe winning play

Hunfington, Hunfington, hey, hey...

There they are.

Come on.

I missed you so much!

I haven't seen my boyfriend

in six hours.

How you doin', girls?

Dudes, remember the game plan.

What game plan?

Right. Exactly. Uh...

Look, Beth, we need to talk.

In fact, we all need to talk.

- Right, guys?

- Oh, my God. I can't believe she came.

Guys?

You guys.

There she is.

I think you made

a real connection there.

Oh, hey, guys.

- Hi.

- How are you?

Are you okay?

- Now look what you've done.

- Maybe we should go talk to her.

Totally. She looks destroyed.

Suicidal.

All right.

Looks like someone's auditioning

for "Soul Train."

- Do you have to rag on everybody?

- Oh, come on.

His wardrobe alone

leaves him open for public mockery.

I'm not the one that used

to spend the night at his house.

That was the fourth grade. Wanna talk

about your friends in the fourth grade?

So do you see her?

Where'd she go?

She's right there.

- God!

- What? She didn't see me.

- I can't believe you pointed at her.

- She didn't see me.

- Are you hyperventilating?

- No, I'm centering myself.

- I'm harnessing my chi.

- Your what?

I'm harnessing my chi.

Don't laugh at me.

- Were you this weird when we went out?

- Were you this bitchy when we went out?

I'm trying to think.

Yeah, I was a bitchy eighth grader

for that whole week, actually.

- What's up, Pres?

- Hey. I'm gonna do this.

I'm gonna go do it right now.

Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah. I'll get a ride home

from somebody else.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

Go.

Seriously, guys.

I'm over it. Really.

What?

Nothing. Sorry. It's just...

Well, he is the most dope guy

in school.

Yeah, and school's over.

Anyway, I mean,

who does he think he is, Brad Pitt?

Seriously,

and you're, like, Gwyneth.

Seriously, you know

he regrets breaking up with her.

You know what?

That's really sweet.

- But I think I'm gonna...

- No, we mean it.

- You are so Gwyneth!

- Totally Gwyneth, but prettier!

Totally prettier,

but with bigger b*obs.

- Totally bigger b*obs.

- Way bigger.

You know what? I think I'm gonna

go outside and get some fresh air.

But he's no Brad.

He is not even Brad

in "Twelve Monkeys"...

when he had that weird eye,

and he was all dirty.

Girlfriend, Mike Dexter doesn't even

deserve to breathe the same air as Brad.

- No, he doesn't.

- Mike Dexter is an a**hole.

An a**hole!

All right. You know what?

I don't really want to talk about this.

Okay, I don't think

she's prettier than Gwyneth.

Not even.

All right. This is it.

If is finally time

for Kenny Fisher fo become the man.

Now I done my laps...

and all ten finalisfs

are presenf and accounted for.

Ten lovely ladies, yo.

Each one af my disposal.

Ten willin' and able four guides

into fhe theme park of love.

Buf who will if be?

Which of you gorgeous fen

will be fhe lucky one?

Hey, yo, Corinne, baby.

What's up?

Nine. Which of you gorgeous nine

will be fhe lucky one?

Excuse me. Sorry. My fault.

My fault. Sorry.

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