Can't Hardly Wait Page #3

Uh, excuse me?

Is this the beer?

What the hell

does it look like, ass wipe?

Yeah. Sorry.

- Do you want one?

- Yes, of course.

It's terrible!

Nobody drink the beer!

The beer has gone bad!

- Tastes like beer to me.

- Yeah, me too.

Mine's great.

Yo, Ashley.

Damn, you look beautiful.

- Thanks.

- Yo, check this.

I was reminiscin' today. I was thinkin'

about that time in seventh grade.

We was all playin' spin the bottle

at Lynn Eckert's house, remember?

- I guess.

- Yeah.

Well, you and me, we never did

get that kiss, right?

But I had this mad flashback

that you were starin' at me all night.

Kind of giggling with your girlfriends.

You remember that?

Oh, I do remember that.

You were eating Chee-tos.

- Yeah.

- And that orange stuff was all stuck...

in your braces and nobody

wanted to tell you.

So you just kept on eatin' 'em.

Oh, my God!

Lynn and I thought

that was the funniest thing.

- Lynn, come over here!

- What?

Oh, my God. I'm tellin' little Kenny how

we used to call him "Chester Chee-tos."

What are you laughin' at?

Cheetah.

- Oh, bye, Chester.

- Good-bye, Chester.

Yo, use me for my body, baby.

Come on, baby. Yeah.

What's up, ladies?

Yo, Jana, you wanna dance?

I'm allergic.

Allergic? To dancin'?

Yeah.

- Hey, I want you to have this.

- Oh, thank you.

I heard that Mike broke up with her

a year ago...

and she has been paying him $50 a month

to act like they're still together.

- Uh, pathetic.

- It's so pathetic.

Preston Meyers?

Dude, what's goin' on, man?

I'm so glad I got a chance to see you.

I know you're leaving tomorrow.

- I'm gonna miss you, man, you know.

- It's okay, man. Don't worry about it.

I was totally remembering the time

we were in the seventh grade...

and we mashed up our food

on our lunch trays...

and you paid me a dollar to eat it,

and I did.

- It was the best!

- Good time.

Hey, how ya been?

Hey, and what about that time

during softball practice...

when Ricky Feldman hit that line drive

and it hit you right in your nuts?

That was the funniest, man.

I just don't know what to say about it.

You remember the time on the field trip

to the meat packing plant...

and you, like, threw up

all in your book bag?

- That wasn't me.

- Bull corn! Remember?

Because you tried to leave the bag

on the bus so no one would see it.

But then Vice Principal Billard

took it around to all the classes...

to see who it was, and I was, like,

"Wasn't that your bag?"

And you were, like, "No."

And I was, like, "l think it is, dude."

- Hi, Ron.

- Hi. Are you okay?

- I just heard you and Mike broke up.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I just can't believe

you didn't tell me.

- I mean, after all, we're family.

- Second cousins.

You know, exactly.

We should be able to talk about these...

I was like, "Dude, you're never

gonna get that smell out of there."

Hey, I got one for ya.

Remember that time when I was about

to talk to that beautiful girl...

and you started telling me

all these asinine stories?

Remember that? Huh?

Gee, that's funny

'cause it just happened!

Yo, man.

I'm never gonna forget this.

Hey, man. See if I contact you

for the reunion.

It's all about the memories, man.

All about the memories.

Hey, who wants to go

in the hot tub with us?

- Hey, yo, G. What's up?

- Hey, what's up, man?

Yo, shouldn't you be gettin'

your freak on by now?

I'm just flossin' while those two 'hos

over there scratch it out...

over who gets to knock the boots

with me, you know what I'm sayin'?

- Yeah.

- What two 'hos, man?

I don't see no 'hos, Kenny.

- Yo, what, you callin' me a liar?

- Hey, yo, why you shovin', cracker?

You better recognize, fool.

Why y'all gotta waste

my flavor? Damn!

Dude, can I talk to you

for a second?

Hey, Mike.

What's up, man?

What's goin' on?

Did ya do it?

- Come on.

- Mike. Look, man. I don't know, man.

You see, Rachel's parents

are away, right?

So she was kinda thinkin' that maybe

we can spend the night, you know?

What about the game plan, man?

You promised.

See, it's just that Rachel's parents,

they have mirrors.

Above the bed, dude.

I'm gonna be like this. Look.

All right. I get the picture.

You know what?

I'm gonna go see what the other guys

are doin'. Maybe they got some balls.

Um, weren't you in my language lab?

Yeah, I was.

See, I told you guys

she went to our school. Pay up.

Anybody order a love burger,

well done?

One, two... Whoa! What is that?

It's one of our shirts, man.

I'm wearin' it for publicity.

Those are for the fans. You don't wear

the shirt of the band you're in.

I think it's cool.

Throw me one.

- We don't throw him one.

- Hey, look.

If they get to wear the shirts,

maybe I should wear the hat.

You guys suck!

- What the hell is that?

- A hat.

Take off the hat.

- No.

- Take it off.

Look, you come in here lookin' like the

white artist formerly known as Prince.

- Listen, here, Hootie.

- Hootie? You look like LeStat.

Oh, my God!

See? That's why I said

no smoking in the house!

Oh, wait. Is that poop?

Someone have poop on their shoe?

Oh, my God.

- Someone has poop on their shoe!

- Watch it!

And then I heard...

that he slept with some sophomore.

That pig!

What are you gonna do?

Beat him at his own game.

I am gonna hook up

with someone at this party...

and hope that Jason finds out.

- Wait. With who?

- Who cares?

The next guy who hits on me.

No. Hell, the next guy

who talks to me.

Wipe out.

I, uh... Yo, I must have died

and gone to heaven...

'cause I see an angel sittin'

right in front of me.

Are you cryin'?

Oh, no, baby, please!

You are far too fine to look so sad.

- Yeah, sure.

- Come on. Don't be like that.

It breaks my heart

to see you this way.

You tell Special K what he can do

to make you feel better.

Come to the pool house with me?

Of course I will.

Anything for you, baby.

Could you just wait right here.

I'll be right back. I promise.

He'll do.

All right. Bathroom, pee,

underarm check, Breath Assure...

Yo, hold up.

Do I put on a jimmy hat now or...

Nah, that ain't gonna work.

Damn!

Yo, they're out of toilet paper.

- Wait, Jen! Wait for us!

- Oh, I gotta go!

- Oh, don't you hate that?

- Oh, wait! Don't lock it!

- Let's go pee in the pool.

- All right.

What the hell is this?

Is there another bathroom upstairs?

'Cause the line in there is really long,

and I gotta go.

No one's allowed upstairs, okay?

Who did this?

I think I saw that

foreign exchange student...

walkin' around

with a black Magic Marker.

- That little foreign guy?

- Yeah. So, the ba...

You can go upstairs,

but just you.

Thanks. All right.

And don't close the door all the way

because it's sort of broken.

Damn! You the man, Kenny!

Here we go.

Yo, this ain't gonna...

Yeah. I can do...

Damn! She's gonna think I got

that premature evacuation. Damn!

Damn!

Dudel

These brownies suck!

I don't wanna waste this.

I better double bag it.

I don't know where that girl been.

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