Can't Hardly Wait Page #4

Shut that door!

- No, I mean, get out!

- Yeah, I'm trying to!

- Get outl

- I can't!

Move, woman!

Look what I got now!

I got the...

Look, I am telling you...

that patch of sky right over there

above those power lines...

is like a superhighway

of U.F.O. activity.

I wonder how William's doin'

at the party.

I hope he isn't having

any trouble blendin' in.

Wasn't there somethin'

I was supposed to do tonight?

I can't feel my legs.

I have no legs!

Can I talk to you

for a second, man?

Well, did you do it or what?

Man, we will. I promise.

But her dad got us all tickets

to see Pearl Jam.

So we're gonna do it

after the concert.

I thought Beth can kiss your ass.

Come on.

Mike, sometimes we say things

we don't mean.

- Well, when's the concert?

- August.

You guys suck.

- But they're really good seats.

- We're gonna deal with it eventually!

If you ask me, I never really saw

you two together in the first place.

Yeah. You and me both.

- What?

- Well, I know why I started dating him.

I just don't know

why I did it for so long.

It's just... God, at first,

it was all so unbelievable.

And, I mean,

at my old junior high school...

I was always just this little,

well, nobody.

And then I came to Huntington

freshman year...

and Mike Dexter

wanted to date me.

And all of the sudden,

I was, like, "Little Miss Popular."

I know it sounds lame,

but it felt good.

It's the first time I'd ever felt cool

in my whole life.

Please. It was the first time

I'd ever had a boyfriend.

I don't understand.

I mean, what happened?

Nothing.

See, that's the problem because Mike

is the same guy now he was then.

You know, mooning the guy

at the drive-through window...

giving the underclassmen wedgies.

Yeah. I've heard he does that.

So why didn't you just,

you know, break up with him?

'Cause I was, um...

scared of being alone.

Mike and I went out

for, like, four years.

You know, that's, like, forever.

And if I'm not Mike's girlfriend,

you know, who am I?

Nobody knows me as anything else.

I don't think I know me

as anything else.

Look...

I don't know about you...

but I really believe...

that there's one person

out there...

for everybody.

That's what this is about.

It's not just

some sappy love letter telling her...

how my heart stops

every time that I see her.

It's in there, but...

It's not just to tell her how I think

she's more than the homecoming queen...

or Mike's girlfriend or...

how there's this really

amazing person inside of her...

that no one even bothers to see.

It's in there, too, but...

what it's really about...

is how she should just

give me a chance.

Just one chance.

Maybe we could find out if there's

a reason for all of this...

why she's not with Mike tonight...

and after four years,

I'm still here with this letter.

Maybe we could find out

what that reason is.

You know...

it's time to find out.

I think I'm ready to do this.

Finally.

Any words of encouragement?

Would you like to touch my penis?

I am a sex machine.

No one can hear us.

- Are you satisfied?

- Woman, this is all your fault.

Bargin' in here

like a freakin' moose, all...

Really? Well, if I'd known

you were gonna be in here...

half-naked, pleasuring yourself

or whatever...

- Don't touch that.

- I definitely would have gone elsewhere.

- I was gettin' my sh*t ready.

- Your "sh*t."

Yeah, 'cause for your information...

there is a supermad honey

downstairs just waitin'.

She is dyin'

to have sex with me.

Oh, Jason, I never should

have believed those rumors.

- Let's never fight again.

- Oh, never, baby.

- Hey, Carl.

- Hey, Preston. What's up, man?

- How are ya?

- All right.

- Have you seen Amanda Beckett?

- Yeah. I just saw her in there.

Hey. Did you hear

Mike Dexter broke up with her?

I'm thinkin' about askin' her out.

It's time to get freaky!

Thanks for listening.

God, I got to be prom queen...

and now I want people

to feel sorry for me too?

- I should just shut up.

- No. It's okay.

I mean, you know,

you need someone to listen.

Thanks.

Amanda, I feel really

close to you now.

- What are you doing?

- Oh, well, I care about you.

Oh, will you get off?

- Come on. It's okay, baby!

- That is disgusting!

Come on. You were practically

begging me for it.

That is not what I was saying.

And you're my cousin!

- Through marriage.

- Whatever! You're sick!

Sh*t. You're not gonna tell

my parents about this, are you?

- You see the salt on this pretzel?

- Yes.

Look at the stars.

Now some people,

they say the stars are...

billions and billions

of tons of hot gas.

But I think maybe

it's just God's salt.

And God's just waitin' to eat us.

Have I got some news for you.

Really? What's that?

That I recently became single.

And?

Well, I just remember Jeff Gurner

sayin' a little somethin' about...

you girls thinkin' I was

the hottest senior in school.

Yeah.

And I remember Jeff Gurner

saying that...

you told him we were "skanky."

He told you that?

Okay. See you later.

Hey, isn't this the weekend...

that you're supposed to meet

your girlfriend from the internet?

Yeah, but she has

some photo shoot in Fiji...

for a catalog or something.

- Oh, man. That sucks.

- Yeah.

I guess that's just the price you pay

for dating Christie Turlington.

This song goes ouf to Hope

from her boyfriend Ken.

If's about love.

Love hurfs

Love scars

Love wounds

Maybe somebody threw it out.

You don't throw away a yearbook!

You're supposed

to cherish it forever.

Oh, thank God. Look at you.

Trisha, sign my yearbook!

- Oh, I stepped in guml

- Come on. We're already late.

Yuck!

Cuts to the left, decks the crap

out of the wing and boom!

Open net! Scores!

Yeah!

Does that feel good?

Damn, woman. Why you gotta be

such a ragin' b*tch?

Oh, please. Listen to you.

Look. There's a mirror right there.

Why don't you take a look, okay?

You're white!

What's that supposed to mean?

- I don't always talk like that.

- Oh, I guess you're okay, then.

What about you, huh?

What about you, Miss Antisocial?

Miss Walkin' Around, Just, I Think

I'm So Much Better Than Everybody Else.

I do not think

I am better than anybody.

Anyway, what do you care

what I think about you, okay?

You pretty much haven't spoken to me

since sixth grade.

Hey, you stopped speakin' to me.

- Okay. Whatever.

- Damn, you got no...

You have no idea

what you're talkin' about.

You don't even know me anymore.

Yes, I do.

I know exactly who you are.

You're Kenny Fisher

who used to play...

We used to play "Miami Vice"

in my basement.

You used to sleep over my house. You had

to leave the hall light on every night.

You're Kenny Fisher who used to buy me

a card every Valentine's Day...

and a bag of those little hearts

with the words on 'em.

Geez.

You're Kenny Fisher who got too cool

to hang out with me in junior high...

'cause I was in

all the smart classes...

and 'cause my parents

didn't make a lot of money...

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