Carla's Song

All right?

- I want a word with you.

- All right, Victor. All right, doll.

All right, doll.

Oh, my,

that step's awful high.

- What are you having? - I'm going

to the Victoria to visit my sister.

- You want a long ticket or a short one?

- I've only got 25 pence.

I think you'll be cheaper with a

long ticket. Stick your money in there.

You hold onto that and take a walk

down to that first seat there. OK?

Nice and steady now.

I'll get this nice inspector here

to roll it up nice and tight for you.

All right, Victor?

There you go.

All right, pal.

That seems correct.

I don't know.

What the f***'s that?

I hope you're going to pay for that.

I'll make it up later.

- And what's this?

- What about it?

McGurk. He's down the road and he's

after your blood. Just give me that poster.

Be careful.

That's a work of art.

A work of art?

McGurk scratching his balls?

You've already got one suspension

under your belt, Picasso.

You just watch yourself.

I don't know.

I'm trying to keep you in a job.

All right, pal.

35, please.

All right, Inspector McGurk.

Tickets, please.

Ticket, please.

Your ticket.

I must see your ticket, please.

You show me ticket.

- You have no money?

- No money, no ticket.

No money. Look, it's an offence.

I can get the police here, you know.

- You understand police?

- No.

There must be something

that you have...

- I have nothing.

- You have no identification?

You're telling me you've got on the bus

with no money, no ticket, no identification?

This is ridiculous.

You must have some means of showing

me who you are, where you're...

Shylock, it's only 45 pence.

Leave the lassie alone.

- No, no.

- You take it, doll.

- No. I've got you this time, smartarse.

- Don't take it out on her.

- What's your name, Miss?

- She doesn't understand English.

- You listening? She doesn't understand.

- Get back to your cabin.

I'm not going to any f*** all cabin.

She doesn't understand.

I'll ask you one more time. What is your

full name? Give me your full name.

She can't even understand.

I'm telling you. You've got nothing to do

with this. Just you get back in your cabin.

Are you enjoying this?

Are you?

If you don't get back...

You're in trouble, son.

I'm in trouble?

I thought she was in trouble.

- Are you going to throw us a laugh?

- You're in trouble.

This is embarrassing.

These people know this.

- I think it's terrible.

- It is terrible, "hen".

Are you listening?

It's terrible.

- Just you get back in your cabin!

- It's only f***ing 45 pence.

- You f***ing miserable prick, you!

- Leave her alone.

It's disgusting.

Hey, darling, come on.

Thank you.

- Hey, calm down.

- Open that f***ing door!

Please calm... Watch your language

in front of the passengers, Mr McGurk.

Ho!

You f***ing baldy bastard, you!

- George.

- All right, Sammy boy.

What you been up to? He's waiting for you.

You going in like that?

- F***ing really.

- Catch a grip of yourself.

- Just get a wee bit smartened up.

- Who the f*** are you? Coco Chanel?

It'll be OK.

Thanks, Sammy.

- What the f***? Give us my...

- Hey! No smart answers, all right?

- Sammy, come on.

- Keep the trap shut, George.

Come in.

So the scratcher

got you at last.

"You big, constipated

miserable prick, you. "

I don't remember

saying constipated.

You don't want this job, do you?

I need it.

Like a hole in the head,

you need it.

Right, a week's suspension.

Next time you're out.

Why don't you give me

a shot on the motorbike?

- I'm fixing it the noo.

- That's what you said the last time.

I know, but it was

broke last Saturday.

But you told me I should

come last Saturday.

Once I've fixed it,

you can get on it.

- How are you doing?

- George Lennox?

- I remember you on the bus.

- Yeah, hi.

- How are you doing?

- Well, I got your address from the bus.

And I just want

to say thank you.

No, not at all.

It was a pleasure.

- And did you lose your job?

- No. Short sabbatical we call it.

- I'm very sorry.

- Don't worry about it. It's no problem.

I brought... This is for you.

This is present for you.

That's really nice of you.

Thank you very much.

Better stick it in my pocket.

Thank you very much.

That's really nice of you.

Listen, do you want

a wee cup of coffee?

- I can't. - I need to say

thank you for the present.

Please. Just two minutes. Yeah?

You make sure she stays here, right?

You stay there. OK?

What's your name?

- Where'd she go?

- She ran away.

I thought I told you

to look after her.

- She ran away up there.

- That way?

- Aye.

- You watch my stuff, OK?

See you later.

- Thanks very much.

- Keep the change.

- Two coffees.

- Two coffees, OK. Sorted that.

It's cold. Are you cold?

It's always cold here.

Listen, erm... George.

- Carla.

- Carla.

- Very nice to meet you, Carla.

- You, too.

So where is it you come from?

Don't ask me question.

No question, please.

- No questions?

- No.

Fair enough, no questions.

It's a really nice name, Carla.

Thank you.

- I don't suppose you've got a second name.

- I'm sorry, I have to go.

No, you don't need to go.

Don't go.

I'm sorry about your job.

I have to go.

Why do you need to go?

I have to go.

Carla, you give me

your phone number?

Come on.

I'm amazing company, really.

I'll even let you drive my bus.

I'll phone you.

- You want the change, Sammy?

- Aye.

All right, girls?

What's up with yo u, man?

You've hardly said a word all night.

- Nothing.

- Nothing, aye.

- Come on, tell your Uncle Sam.

- Get off, Sam.

Is it McGurk?

Is it something to do with the work?

It's nothing to do

with the work, Sammy.

You playing hard to

get with this man, eh?

- What you saying to him?

- Tell him to shut up. He's nipping my head.

- Shut up.

- Nothing like a good night out!

I would like to do one of

my favourite songs.

Let's see all the couples on

the dance floor for Miss You Nights.

George, come on.

Come on, George.

Is he steaming?

Oh, listen, Rosemary can get us

a great discount with flowers.

- Good, good.

- Aye.

And I don't give a toss

about a fancy car.

Well, we'll not

get you one, then.

Are you OK?

Aye.

Kiss me.

For f***'s sake, driver,

what's the matter?

Give us a shot of that wheel.

For f***'s sake!

Come on, driver!

You're going the wrong way.

- God Almighty.

- Aye, right.

Will this be happening every second before

we get off at our stop? F***ing nut job...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That was really good.

Thank you.

So how come you gave me the

bum telephone number, Carla?

Sorry.

I'm going.

You keep running

away all the time.

Carla?

F*** you, you again?

Yeah.

Carla, why did you give me

the bum telephone number?

- Why did you ask me?

- Because I'm f***ing concerned about you.

Jesus Christ,

you don't live in here?

- This is my home.

- It's a f***ing terrible place.

Listen, you can't come in here, OK?

You can't.

- OK, then.

- Go!

- OK.

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