Carry on at Your Convenience

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# Three old ladies locked in the lavatory!

Four matching pairs.

Blue and green washbasins

for Carter's, Aberdeen.

Check.

Two princess suites complete with

stainless steel fittings for Gerling's, London.

- Check.

- Six white, top-flushing urinals.

Stand-up ones?

Is there any other sort?

I only asked. Funny things happen these days.

Six white top-flushing urinals, regular design,

for the YWCA, Wigan.

One matching pair...

The YWCA? Hey, you're right.

Funny things do happen these days.

Well, Miss Withering, how does it feel?

Comfortable?

Yes, I think so, Mr Boggs.

Good, good. Comfort before beauty.

That's what I always say.

It's a bit big in the bowl, I think.

It is only two centimetres more than our last

model, and I'm sure we shan't fall out over that.

It's falling in I'm worried about.

No, no. I like your overall design, Mr Coote.

Oh, thank you, sir.

May I get off now, please?

Of course, Miss Withering.

Thank you. You've been most patient.

Yes. Like Job on a monument.

And what a monument. Ha-ha!

We must make sure the catch

is strong enough to support the seat.

- Do you mind if I try it, WC?

- No, go ahead. Yes, do.

Yes. I don't think I could stand it

for more than half an hour.

It was hardly designed for a reading room.

Look. Look at this.

Very slender, this pedestal, isn't it?

It's streamlined.

What for? Wind resistance? Ha-ha!

In any case, the thickness has nothing

whatsoever to do with the tensile strength.

I hope you're right, Mr Coote.

I have had bitter experience of what happens

when one of these collapses.

Or rather my poor dear wife had. Rest her soul.

I can assure you, sir,

an elephant could safely use that toilet.

Not without a much bigger bowl.

We can't afford to take any chances, Mr Coote.

No. Dependability before beauty, I always say.

Miss Withering, if you wouldn't mind.

Just one more time.

This time, my dear,

come down on it like a ton of bricks! Boom!

So far, so good.

Now, if you'd just bump up and down a bit.

Excellent! Excellent!

Bump! Bump!

Things that go...

... in the night. Ha-ha-ha!

One matching pair of what?

- Beauts.

- One matching pair of...

Eh?

- Hello, Myrt, love.

- Oh, hello, Vic.

How about it this afternoon, then?

Not standing up.

No, sitting down.

I've got these grandstand tickets.

The kickoff's at three o'clock.

It should be a special match.

Three o'clock! Ooh, how can we?

We'll be working till five thirty.

I wouldn't bet on that, if I were you.

And I'll take you out for a bit of supper.

Ooh!

Hello, Myrtle. Got a cup of tea for me?

Sorry, Bernie. No more floor service.

Eh? What do you mean no more floor service?

New rule. Drinks only to be served

in the canteen during official breaks.

Well, that's what I call taking a diabolical liberty!

And that's something you know all about.

- Ha-ha!

- Do you mind? Do you mind?

Don't you worry.

I won't let them get away with this.

That's all right, Vic.

I didn't really want a cup anyway.

Whether you want one or not is beside the point.

This constitutes an infringement

of the workers' rights.

Uh-oh. Old tinder bottom's off again.

Another bloomin' strike, I suppose.

Oh, no. What's it for?

You know our Vic.

He never has known what it's for.

- Ooh!

- Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr Boggs.

That's quite all right, Miss Plummer.

I should have sounded my hooter.

There he is. Old silver spoon. At it again.

Oh, give over, Vic.

He can't help being the boss's son.

Privileged class, sitting on his...

That's what he is.

Privileged class? Do you know

what the girls call him? Pencil doings.

That's how privileged he is.

Morning, all.

Morning, Mr Boggs.

I'd er... I'd like to see you for a few moments,

please, Mr Lewis.

All right. Make it quick, Spanner.

I'm already late for a meeting.

It has come to my notice that a new rule has

been introduced without consultation with me,

as a shop steward, to the effect that tea

may no longer be served outside the canteen.

Right. I made it.

Oh. Well, then.

As the union's appointed representative,

I wish to lodge the strongest protest.

It is an infringement of workers' rights.

- Oh, come off it, Spanner.

- I can show you right here.

- What's that?

- The NUCIE rule book.

Oh, I see. They're making rules about that now.

N- U-C-I-E. NUCIE, Mr Lewis. The Nation Union

of Chinaware Industrial Employees.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

You know what you can do with their rule book.

What's that?

Let me give you a clue.

These pages are just about the same size

as our toilet-paper holders.

Now do you get the idea?

Great, big, steaming, public-school nit.

All right, everyone. You all heard him.

Direct aggravation of a genuine grievance.

- Stop work.

- Everybody out!

There you are. What did I tell you?

Meeting in the canteen in ten minutes.

Tell everyone, Bernie.

- Right. Meeting in the canteen... When was it?

- Ten minutes.

- Meeting in ten minutes' time... Where was it?

- In the canteen.

- Meeting in ten minutes' time...

- All right, they know!

Oh, excuse me.

Lewis, my boy. It's all right.

We're just discussing the new

Princess Beatrice suite. Come on in.

Oh, I see.

- There we are.

- Please don't get up, Miss Withering.

But I want to get up, Mr Lewis.

What do you think of it, my boy?

Rather elegant, wouldn't you say?

Yes.

But I thought

we were going to modernise our stuff,

and I thought we were going

to include a bidet in our new range.

Oh, yes. I designed one, but Mr Boggs sat on it.

On the idea, I mean.

I do not think bidets are quite us.

But, Dad, all our competitors are making them.

I dare say, but I didn't think the high cost of

production coupled with the limited demand...

Limited demand? But I told you about

that enquiry from abroad for 1,000 of them.

I know, my boy, but I don't think

that my dear grandfather would have approved

of the name Boggs

being associated with such an article.

Oh, Mr Plummer. Can't you persuade him?

Quite frankly, I don't see the use of 'em.

It's easy enough to wash your feet in the bath.

Bidets are not for washing your feet in.

What else? Are they for dogs to drink out of?

No.

Get away. Well, if it's for that, then, you can

always stand on your head under the shower.

Lewis. Lewis, my boy.

Shh. Can you hear anything?

No.

- Neither can I.

- Well, that's all right, then.

No, it's not all right. They've stopped work.

I tell you, brothers.

It is time we made a stand.

It is time the bosses learnt

that they can't mess the worker about.

- What do you say?

- Down with 'em!

That's right. Down with 'em.

It is up to us to show the bloated bureaucrats

that they can't grind our faces in the dust.

- What do you say?

- Down with 'em!

That's right. You see, brothers,

this issue isn't just over when

or when not you can have a cuppa.

Oh, no.

This ruling is another blow

- aimed at the fundamental rights of the worker!

- Hear hear!

It's another little prod at the very vitals

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